Buffy 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. – John 3:16

I

I used to think someday I’d make somethin’ of myself.

Guess I did, if you call bein’ an out of control, homicidal maniac bent on destroyin’ the world “makin’ somethin’” of myself’.

These days I just try to keep my head down and my nose clean. Don’t wanna fuckin’ pull more time than I’ve already got comin’ to me. Got ten years for aggravated assault on the guy whose apartment I was hangin’ out in after I ran from Sunnydale. They couldn’t pin me with any of the other murders, don’t know how that was fuckin’ possible. If that was luck, then I guess I fuckin’ spent all of it, now I just gotta do my time and not do anything that’s gonna get me any more.

It’s harder than you’d think, even with bein’ a slayer. Maybe even because of it.

They tried to break me when I first got here and I let ‘em get their shots in, still felt majorly guilty for what I’d done, and I didn’t want to catch any breaks I wasn’t owed.

That worked pretty well for the first year I was here, people just realized they weren’t gonna be able to beat me, and no one wanted to catch anything I’d be dishin’ out in the pain department, so they just decided I was fuckin’ crazy and they left me alone.

That was until this mornin’ when they heard we had a shipment of fresh meat comin’ in. Now usually that’s no big thing, happens every week in the joint. But apparently today’s was somethin’ special.

After shower time, a couple of the girls who’re newer started tryin’ to catch my eye. That was nothin’ new either. Most of the women who see me in here try to connect with me. Not just because I’m hot, but because I don’t say anything. I guess they feel like they’re accomplishin’ something if they get me to share.

The only people I share with are my counselor and my guardian angel.

Yeah, you guessed it, Angel. He’s got my back and I’m grateful and all, but I don’t gush and shit over it and he doesn’t make me. It’s part of the “get in, do my time, get out” philosophy I’m tryin’.

So far it’s workin’.

Come to think of it, Angel was probably the main reason most of my record from Sunnydale got wiped, but he’s never told me and I ain’t askin’. Can’t pin nothin’ about conspiracy on me if I don’t know what happened.

So anyway, this mornin’ a couple of the newbs were lookin’ at me and tryin’ to catch my eye. I kept my eyes forward as we left the shower room. One of them reached out and touched my shoulder and I heard a gasp from some of the other inmates. A couple of ‘em looked like they hoped I was gonna rip her arm off, because they love the fuckin’ fights, but I just moved away and kept walkin’.

Turns out they wanted to tell me how they heard one of the women bein’ transported in was a real fuckin’ bad ass. Killed a couple of people and was about to slaughter a whole buildin’ full until one of her friends turned her in to the cops. Guess they wanna know if I know her. Sounds like somebody I’d run with. ‘Cause even though my record says I only assaulted one guy, my reputation in here is that I killed my whole family and a priest. Don’t know how they got that story, point is I don’t listen to the shit I hear in here, especially not from newbs, ‘cause everybody feeds them the nastiest shit just to freak ‘em out.

The guards start barkin’ out orders as we leave.

“Mess hall, one hour!”

“Use this time to clean, ladies! You have inspections before breakfast!”

“You know the rules: If you don’t pass ‘em you don’t get to eat!”

I hear a bunch of the women say that’s not fair, or legal. It would be fuckin’ criminal for me, ‘cause I need to eat. It’s not even a question that I keep my place spotless.

I use the time between shower and breakfast to meditate and find my center. And some other breathin’ shit Angel sent me a book on. Funny how he’s so focused on good breathin’ techniques when he can’t use ‘em himself. He said somethin’ about just going through the motion and rememberin’ how he used to breathe helps him with the relaxation part.

Somethin’s not right. I keep tryin’ to find my center, but it’s nowhere to be fuckin’ found, I just can’t relax enough.

My skin’s crawlin’ with anticipation and it’s makin’ me jumpy, so I end up pacin’ around for the next forty-five minutes until we’re called to standby for inspection. I assume the position five minutes before they even get to me.

“Out here, Lehane.” I’m told to stand outside of my cell while they toss the fucker like I’d been smugglin’ somethin’. I’m cool, I know they ain’t gonna find nothin’, got no roommates to set me up, and these guards respect me. They’re just bein’ told to do it, I guess.

While I’m standin’ outside of my cell I can see the other girls who were caught with somethin’ they shouldn’t’ve had, tryin’ to plead their case. One of the newbs is cryin’ ‘cause she didn’t know she couldn’t have a comb with a point on the end of it. That’s a shiv sharpener’s dream. They make the fuckin’ things out of anything. With that all they’d hafta do is file down the edges until they were razor sharp and it’d slice through a stomach like butter.

That thought has my scar itchin’ and my thoughts runnin’ to her. Most days they don’t run there unless I want ‘em to. But I’m feelin’ fuckin’ jumpy so I guess my thoughts aren’t gonna be listenin’ like they normally do.

Gotta be real careful, just keep it cool.

“You’re clean, just straighten up in there and you can go eat.”

I casually look back into my cell. It’s a fuckin’ mess. But I’ll have it back to normal in about five minutes.

“Thanks.”

The guard nods at me and leaves me to it. My cell door shuts and in no time I have everything as it was. Don’t have much, just a couple of books. If only Mrs. Post could see me now.

Sparta ain’t got nothin’ on me.

*****

“Do you think she’ll room with one of us?” One of the girls at the table I’m passin’ by in the mess hall asks another girl.

I guess they’re talkin’ about the star of the hour: Miss Killing Spree.

I wonder why she’s not bein’ kept by herself like I am if she’s so fuckin’ dangerous, but then again, she might not be that bad.

Like I said, people always talk shit up in here until it’s so ridiculously blown out of whack, it’s not even funny.

“The prison’s already overcrowded, I doubt they’d put three to a cell. Besides,” Even though I ain’t lookin’ at the girl who’s speakin’ I can almost feel the head nod she makes towards me. “Some of us have a cell to ourselves, so maybe they’re gonna put her there.”

Fuck. I hadn’t really been thinkin’ of that as a possibility. I should have though. The warden’s been real impressed lately by my self-restraint and the fact that I haven’t put anyone in the infirmary in a while. I guess my counselor’s been givin’ glowin’ fuckin’ reports about me.

Question now is: Do I beat the shit outta someone and pull solitary for at least a week so they keep me by myself? I’m not rulin’ it out, but it could pull me more than solitary, it could tack on a couple of years to my sentence.

And then I haven’t changed in no one’s eyes. Least of all hers.

Don’t know why it means so much, but I guess I still want her to see me as tryin’ to do better. I know she doesn’t even fuckin’ think about me other than bein’ some scum she helped get off the streets and put behind bars but I still try to keep gettin’ better, ‘cause maybe she’ll hear somethin’ from Angel, and maybe she’ll care.

Goddamn. I shouldn’t fuckin’ be thinkin’ of shit like that.

I get up to the food line and wait my turn. I’m so fuckin’ hungry if they put sheep’s balls on my tray I’d eat it and ask for seconds. I’m exercisin’ restraint, so I don’t even say shit to the bitch two spots ahead of me that’s takin’ all fuckin’ day choosin’ between scrambled or poached eggs. Every mornin’s the same and everything in here’s either boiled or fried, so I don’t even know why she’s got her panties in a bunch. But like I said, I don’t say shit I just keep my head down. Until I get up to the counter.

“Hey honey, how’re you doin’?” One of the workers behind the counter says. Her name’s Onetta and she’s one of the only decent people in this fuckin’ place. Her husband’s Eddie, one of the guards, he’s cool too.

“I’m doin’ good.” I rasp out with a smile. My voice is a little on the harsh side from lack of use.

“You’re lookin’ really good. Only a few more of these years and you’ll be back out ready to make your difference.”

I smile at her and she winks at me. She’s a wonderful lady, she puts extra helpin’s on my tray and sometimes even sneaks me extras in my cell. She thinks I got some kinda worm or somethin’ ‘cause she’s blown away at how much I can eat without gainin’ an ounce.

If it weren’t for her and Eddie, I probably would have given up when I first got here.

After I get my tray I pass by all the women who either wanna be me, fuck me, or fear me. Some wanna do all three.

“Stop your struttin’ and sit down, Lehane. Unless you don’t wanna eat.” The bitch smirks at me.

Candy. She’s someone who wants to kill me. She’s one of the guards. If I weren’t a Slayer, I think she would have killed me.

Her name shouldn’t be Candy, it should be ‘Put on this earth to bust my balls.’ She looks like that woman from Third Rock from the Sun. The one who’s was formerly a dude on their home planet. Except that woman was waaaaaay prettier than Candy. Candy looks like someone ate her face off, then spit it back out and the doctor sewed it on again with mismatched thread.

And it seems like she’s always on the rag. Now, I ain’t usually one to bust someone because of the way they look. Can’t all have been born gorgeous, but if that person is as ugly on the inside as they are on the out, then you better believe I’m pointin’ out every fuckin’ flaw they have.

Don’t even know why her parents would give her that name. Must be short for somethin’. No way someone would just give her that nickname, ‘cause there’s nothin’ sweet about her.

She watches as I sit down at a table that’s mostly empty and start eatin’.

“I’ve got my eye on you.”

I don’t say shit. I just keep eatin’, ‘cause I don’t know when the fuck she’ll nut out on me and send my tray crashin’ to the floor. She does that sometimes for shits and giggles.

Someone else catches her attention and she moves on. I must breathe a sigh of relief, ‘cause the girl a couple of seats down from me says, “That’s exactly how I feel when she leaves or stops looking at me. So relieved it’s not even funny.”

I shrug at her and I keep eatin’.

“My name’s Stella.”

“Hey,” I say with my mouth still full of eggs. “I’m not very social.”

“I know, I’ve seen you around. Some of the women say you’re retarded.”

“That’s a new one.” I laugh.

We sit in silence for a while and then she says, “Your face looks so much better when you’re happy.”

That wipes the smile off my face real quick and I go back to eatin’.

“Sorry.” She says quietly and then goes back to mindin’ her own business.

“You got five minutes left, ladies. Hurry up and finish. We’ve got fresh meat comin’ in!”

There’s an excited buzz that ripples through the mess hall. They love fresh meat. I still wonder what they’re gonna do about the livin’ arrangements.

*****

When I get back to my cell after breakfast I get my answer. They’re puttin’ in another bunk above mine.

The warden’s standin’ outside watchin’ the workers do their thing.

“Hello, Faith.” She says with a warm smile. Kinda reminds me of my first watcher. She’s not my first warden either, she replaced the douchebag who got caught tryin’ to pimp out some of the inmates, so they decided to put in a woman warden.

“Good morning, Warden.”

“We’ll need to have someone room with you. Are you ok with that?”

“Yeah, I think it’s time.” I lie through my teeth.

“So do I, I was telling Brian that just yesterday.”

Brian’s my counselor.

“Everything’s all set here, Warden.” One of the maintenance guys says.

“Very well, John. Thank you.”

“Yer welcome. Bill’s just gotta sweep up the stuff from drilling the new holes and then she can go in.”

I wait outside under the stare of the warden while I wait to be able to go back to my bunk.

“You’re a good girl, Faith. You’ve come a long way.”

“Thanks, Warden.”

“Call me Phyllis.”

“I don’t wanna disrespect, Ma’am.”

“Faith, I’m not old enough to be called ‘Ma’am’. I’m only 42. You’d disrespect me by not honoring my wishes and calling me Phyllis.”

Too bad her parents disrespected her by namin’ her Phyllis.

She gives me a genuine smile and if she was small and blonde I’d be totally diggin’ her right now. Not that she’s not hot or nothin’, but she’s not really my type.

Shit, now I’ll be fuckin’ thinkin’ about that blonde bitch for the rest of the day and night.

“She’s all yours.” John, the maintenance dude says to me. He and his buddy leave the cell and the Warden goes in with Eddie and inspects.

Heh. ‘She’s all yours.’ I think, ‘No, she isn’t, never was.’ I gotta stop thinkin’, period.

“Looks good. I think you’ll do well with a roommate, Faith. Are you excited?”

“Thrilled!” I smile my fakest smile and Eddie looks at me a little disappointed. Fuck it, I can be a baby if I want. Good thing the warden doesn’t pick up on it.

“I’m glad!”

She’s sweet, she’s tryin’ to turn this hell hole around and I really respect her for that, don’t mean I gotta like havin’ to bunk with some dumbass who’ll try and shrink me, or kill me, or fuck me. Personally, I’d rather they do the last two than the first, and if I’m guessin’ right, the new badass chick is probably gonna be my new roomie.

After they leave I hang onto the top bunk and I do pull ups. We usually get to go out to the yard for a bit before doin’ our chores, but today they’re keepin’ us inside. Can’t have all the guards on new meat duty and watchin’ us in the yard at the same time.

When they bring ‘em in it’s in a line, they’ve all been changed into prison shit so all of ‘em look alike. Usually I don’t look much, just count how many they’ve brought in and figure the odds on whether there’ll be one that tries to take me. Mostly the odds are too slim, but today they brought in a huge crowd of ‘em. There’ll be a few people doublin’ and triplin’ up.

The only thing that distinguishes one bag of fresh meat from another is their hair style and color. Some have all different colors, some have pretty hair, some have blonde, short, wavy, kinky, blonde, straight, jet black, blonde.

I get to the twentieth person in the line of grunts, and my heart goes cold. It can’t be.

Buffy.

Did I fall asleep?

Is this some fuckin’ Slayer dream? I pinch myself to see if it’s real, and yeah, that hurt like a bitch so this is really real.

What in the motherfuck is the deal?

She’s lookin’ at the cells with purpose so I step back into the shadows so she can’t spot me. Goddamn, I really wish I knew what the fuck was goin’ on.

After the guards get done givin’ ‘em the low down, they take ’em into the mess hall for what’s left of breakfast. I’m kinda feelin’ like I might lose mine right now, I still feel all fuckin’ out of whack. How the hell did Buffy get arrested and sent here? This ain’t exactly a minimum security place. Maybe she killed someone like I did with Finch. But wouldn’t Willow and the others have protected her?

What the fuck is up with the world? Scoobies lettin’ their leader go down. The Golden Girl lettin’ her guard down and stakin’ a human? This is turnin’ out to be one fucked up day.

“Lehane, Clancy, Jacobs, Simonelli, Carter. Visitors area, now!”

I hear a buzz and my cell door opens.

No one’s come to see me in six months. Coincidence? I think not.

Probably Angel with the scoop on Buffy.

II

As I get up to the booth in the visitor’s area I can see red hair. Fuck.

I sit down and pick up the receiver, all the while starin’ at a spooked lookin’ Red starin’ back at me. She says somethin’ that I can’t hear and I give her a ‘duh’ look and point at the receiver on her end. She picks it up.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“S’ok, Red. Now before you go babblin’ up a storm I’ve got questions.”

“O-okay.”

“Number one, why the fuck is Buffy here?”

“That’s what I came to see you about…”

I look around a second to the people around me before askin’ my next question.

“She stake a civilian while on patrol?”

“Not exactly.”

“What then? And make it quick, fifteen minutes goes by faster than you think.”

“Ok, it’s a really long story…”

“Give me the short version.”

“Buffy’s dead.”

My heart sinks into my stomach, and for some reason, I get this overwhelmin’ urge to cry and for Red to hold me and whisper things are gonna be ok. But fuck that shit, I’m no pansy.

“Ok, wait, back up, gimme the long version. You sayin’ the new chick that was brought in here today, that’s not Buffy? ‘Cause it sure as shit looks like her.”

“W-well, it’s her but…” She hesitates and I must give her the look that I was hopin’ for ‘cause she continues. “You see, she and Spike have been sorta seeing each other.”

I let out a snort. Why am I not surprised? She always goes for the cold and dead over the warm and luscious.

I nod my head for her to continue.

“And they were having one of their more heated rounds of well…you know…”

“Red, tick tock, tick tock.”

“Hedrainedherandshe’savampirenow.” She says in a rush.

Come again?

My heart does that slow motion beatin’ thing and my head feels like it’s all blocked up with cotton.

“Faith?” I hear Red say my name, but it sounds like I’m underwater. “Faith? Did you hear me?”

Buffy’s a vampire. She’s dead, but not and how in the fuck is she in jail?

“Why’s she here?”

“I thought it would be safest…”

“For who? She’s a fuckin’…” I look around again at the people next to me and lower my voice. “Ya know.” Willow nods. “How’s that safe?”

“I was hoping you could watch her.”

“Willow, this isn’t exactly a day care. How the hell am I supposed to watch her?”

“Look Faith, she was going on a killing spree, I had to do something.”

“Why not a spell?”

“They take research! I needed to buy some time. She almost killed Dawn!”

Oh fuck.

“How the fuck did this happen? I thought Spike had a chip in his head?”

“It’s because she died, when we brought her back…she came back wrong and he was able to hurt her.”

“What? You’re sayin’ she died and he brought her back by makin’ her a vamp?”

“No, she died before this whole situation.”

“Before the whole fang thing?”

“Yes, she died saving Dawn and the world.”

“When?”

“Six months ago.”

“Two minutes!” One of the guards shouts.

“Economy of words here, alright Willow?”

She nods dutifully.

“Are you tryin’ to get her a soul?”

“Yes, we’re researching night and day.”

Explains why she looks fifty right now.

“How is she not burnt to a crisp?”

“I found a spell that protects her from the sun, but I don’t know how long it’ll last. I’ll try to come up here and cast it every so often.”

“You could get caught.”

“I need to try…I let her down…”

“You know our history, Red. Why’d you think I’d help her?”

“I’m not sure you’re ready for me to answer that, but my stock answer would be because you’re a Slayer, you’re strong enough to deal with her and it’s your job.”

“My job is stakin’ vampires; can’t you people read the job description?”

“Please, Faith!”

“I don’t know what you expect from me…”

“Just protect everyone from her and her from them…and from herself until I can do the spell to get her soul back. Can you do that?”

“You’re kiddin’ right?”

“Faith, please! Ok? I’m begging!”

I see the guards gettin’ ready to shut this shit down.

“I’m not promisin’ shit, but if it comes down to her or me, she’s gettin’ dusted.”

Willow nods her head and goes to speak but the line goes dead. She looks panicked. I can see her mouth the word ‘please’ and she puts her hand on the glass.

That reminds me of a movie I saw. I don’t do anything pathetic like put my hand up against hers or nothin’. I just hang the phone up and leave her there lookin’ like a dork.

“Is that your girl?” Candy sneers at me as I’m walkin’ out. “Always knew you were a dyke.”

I might be a dyke, but that ain’t my girl. My girl is probably tryin’ to drain one of the inmates right now, you stupid cunt.

*****

I get back to my cell and I’m not surprised that there’s someone there, I’m just surprised at who it’s not.

“Hey, they had me switch cells.” Stella from breakfast says as I walk in.

I nod and crawl onto my bunk to think. This means that Buffy’s the badass chick everyone was talkin’ about and it also means that she’s bunkin’ with someone else. Someone else who’s gonna be dead as soon as the lights go out, maybe even sooner.

I still can’t believe Spike turned her, I wonder what the fuck really happened. Angel told me the dude was in love with her, somehow I think there’s more to the story than meets the eye.

“Ok, ladies. Rest time is over, you can go to your jobs, everyone workin’ laundry duty this week’ll go first. Get ready to line up!”

The buzzer goes off and the door to my cell opens again.

“You on laundry duty, Stella?”

“No, mess detail.”

“Well, have fun.”

“Thanks. See ya later.”

It was evident in her voice that she was surprised I even spoke to her. Too bad, if Buffy pulls some shit and tries to fuck with her cellmate, I gotta fuck up Stella to get solitary. ‘Cause I have a feelin’ B’s gonna be there before the night is out.

I line up outside and it gives me a chance to see into some of the cells. Shit, she saw me and now she’s at the bars lookin’ out at me.

“Hey there, Faith. Fancy meeting you here.” She laughs and it chills me to my fuckin’ core.

“Hey, B. You get jealous of my lifestyle? Figured you try it on for size?”

“Why not? You tried to take my life from me, I just wanted to come and repay the favor.”

Some of the women in line with me are whisperin’ to each other. I hear another one say that some people owe her cigarettes ‘cause they all had pool goin’ on whether or not I knew the crazy bitch who was comin’ in here today.

“From what I hear, you got no life to take away now.” I look into her eyes, the look I see there would make anyone else mess themselves. But I’m not just anyone, and I don’t show the fear she wants to see. “How is Spikey Boy by the way?”

“Dead. I dusted that freak, he was wearing me down. Always crying, pretty much like everyone I’ve met since the liberation of my soul. Oh, and tell Willow when I get the chance, I’m going to fucking rip…”

“Move it, ladies! You can catch up with each other some other time or never, I don’t give a shit. Just get to the fuckin’ laundry room before I lose my patience!”

Fuckin’ Candy, never has any patience for shit, so I don’t know what she’s talkin’ about.

“Later, Faithy.” Buffy lets out another laugh that makes me feel like ice water’s runnin’ through my veins.

*****

“Hey, watch what you’re doin’! You’re puttin’ like a whole bucket of detergent in that one machine!”

Guess I’ve been a little distracted. Tryin’ to piece together the events goin’ on in Buffy’s life that I know shit about. And I’m wonderin’ why Angel didn’t try to let me know what was goin’ on. I feel like his silence is somehow tied to the whole Buffy bein’ the way she is deal.

“You better watch yourself, girl, you’re gonna get us all in trouble and then we’ll hafta do this shit all over again.”

“Sorry. Got somethin’ on my mind.”

“Like we don’t.” Sasha says to me. She puts her hands on her hips and looks like she’s lookin’ for a reply. “You think we’re just in here ‘cause we don’t got nothin’ better to do? Waitin’ to see who the next guest on Oprah’s gonna be while we get our nails done? You better get your head outta your ass, girlfriend. I hear there’s someone here lookin’ to take you out.”

She takes an offensive stance and I feel a couple of the other women block the area behind me. Well, if this is how they wanna do it, then this is how it’s gotta be done. I take a defensive stance and use my senses to tell how far away the women behind me are, and if they have weapons in their hand or not.

“So what? You wanna try to get a piece of me before Blondie does?”

“No you dumb, bitch! You think I wanna end up in traction? We’ve seen what you can do. We just wanna know if you’re gonna kill her.”

“I just wanna do my time and get out. Not tryin’ to kill anyone.”

“Look, you might wanna stop bein’ all up in yourself so much, I mean you been here what? Two years? And you don’t talk to no one. You might need friends, especially with a psycho like her in here. Ya know?”

“What do you get out of it?”

“A chance to fight if it comes down to it. We’re always itchin’, and for a chance to maybe get the fuck outta here.”

“How you plan on doin’ that? You could just end up dead.”

“I’m pullin’ two life sentences, without the possibility of parole. Gettin’ out in a body bag is still gettin’ out, ain’t it?”

Damn, even I haven’t been that “black cloud” lately. Guess I should loosen up more, stop actin’ like I’m above everyone. But I’ll keep my guard up, ya never know who’s tryin’ to pull shit on you in this place. Which is why I don’t get involved with anyone. But havin’ some people on my side might not hurt, ‘specially since Buffy’ll probably be gatherin’ an army. She always was good at rallyin’ the troops and shit.

I extend my hand and Sasha takes it, givin’ me a big smile. “I’m glad I didn’t have to kick your ass.” She laughs at her joke and it makes me laugh too.

Ya never know what the fuck you’re gonna wake up to in the joint.

After laundry duty we’re all called to lunch. Sasha and her crew invite me to eat with them.

“So, what’s your story with Blondie, there?” She nods towards Buffy who’s already sittin’ at a table with some of the butchier dykes in here. Guess she’s found her crew.

I shrug and pick up my tray. “Was a million years ago.”

“You two were ‘together’ together, or just runnin’ in the same crew?”

“Just runnin’ in the same crew, but I was like a grunt, just the muscle, never on her level.”

“She was the leader?” She looks at Buffy more closely.

“Yeah.”

“Damn, she must be one tough bitch, ‘cause she sure as shit don’t look intimidatin’. What she do? Fuck her way up the ladder?”

“No, she was born into it.”

“Drugs?”

“Somethin’ like that.”

“Well she looks like the daughter of one of those Hollywood type people. Or like some cute little thing that would be on one of those soap operas.”

“She’s dangerous, don’t ever think she won’t kill you as soon as look at you.” I lift up my shirt slightly revealin’ my scar.

“She do that?”

I nod.

“Dayum! She’s just a little bit of a thing!”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She looks me up and down. “Mostly ‘cause I saw you pick up two women the size of refrigerators, and I wouldn’t have figured that. You got a crazy look in your eye most times, that’s for sure, but I didn’t think you’d be the muscle type.”

“What, I look like some other type?”

“Yeah, ‘Girls Gone Wild Gone Bad’.”

That makes me laugh and I can see Buffy lookin’ up from her spot surrounded by her new friends to gawk at me.

I don’t catch her eye, but I can see her face perfectly out of the corner of mine, and she knows it. I see her pucker her lips and blow me a kiss.

“Hey, honey. What’ll it be this afternoon?”

“Hey, Onetta. Some of that chicken and the potatoes.”

“And these green beans?”

“Yeah, and the carrots, too.”

“Good, don’t forget to take your bread over there.” She points to the table next to the end of the line. “Have a good day, baby.”

“You too.” I wink at her and she smiles.

Her callin’ me baby was code word for I should be expectin’ somethin’ more in my cell later. Probably just some more bread, but it helps to take away the hunger.

Sasha’s crew takes the table directly behind Buffy’s, and the last seat I can get is the one that has me sittin’ back to back with Her Highness.

My vamp alarm has my fuckin’ hands shakin’ it’s goin’ off so bad. But I think I’m also fuckin’ nervous just bein’ around her, wonderin’ what she’s gonna try to pull. I still can’t believe all this shit’s gone down. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ashton Kutcher came out and told me that I was fuckin’ punked.

I feel her lean back and she turns her head to whisper to me.

“Hey, baby. Long time no see. No kiss for me?”

“Look, B. I’m just tryin’ to eat here. You wanna ‘talk’ later, we’ll ‘talk’. Right now I’d like to eat in peace.”

“You don’t have to be like that. I was just seein’ if you still wanted me, like you’ve always wanted me.”

I close my eyes, ‘cause she sounds just like how I remember, and I have always wanted her. Not even just sexually, but she’d probably never believe that.

When I don’t respond, she reaches back and puts her hand on my arm.

I put my hand on hers, lettin’ it rest there, and lettin’ the electricity run through me for a moment, but then I come to my senses and pick it up off my arm and push it away.

“Thanks, baby, but not today, yeah?”

“If that’s how you want it…” She kinda sings out and then straightens up.

“You don’t need her, sweetie.” Deb says to Buffy. She’s one of the women in here always lookin’ for a new girl, the more femme they are the better. She tried shit with me, but after I broke her nose, she didn’t ever try anything again. “She’s retarded, you don’t want any of that.”

“Me and Faithy go back a long way.”

What’s with vamps callin’ me Faithy? Is it some rule or somethin’?

“Don’t we baby?” She says so seductively, it’s makin’ my pussy ache for her. Shit, I better keep it in check. I don’t need any of her bullshit.

“Yeah, real long. Can I finish my food?” I should just pull her up and off to the side and let her know who’s gonna end up on top here, but I need to get this eaten. I have a feelin’ I’m gonna need all of my strength, and skippin’ meals isn’t the way to go.

“She’s so grumpy when she hasn’t gotten any. She hasn’t gotten any in a while, huh?”

Some of the women tell her I haven’t, ‘cause none of them have done me and no one else has been braggin’.

“God, Faith. You’ve been saving yourself for me all this time? How sweet. Stupid, yes, but very, very sweet. Maybe later we can get together for old time’s sake? I’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Sure, babe, whatever floats your boat.” I say and go back to eatin’.

She makes a happy sound with her throat, kinda like a throaty squeal. “Faith can go all night ladies, and when I say all night, I mean all night!” She laughs.

She’s playin’ up our past relationship to try and get to me. ‘Cause the only thing she and I ever did all night was fight, if not each other then against the vamps and demons.

“Well, no one’s ever called me lazy, baby.” Deb says, and the way she says it and the sound of her arm goin’ around Buffy’s shoulder makes me wanna break it for her.

I just keep shovelin’ shit into my face. All the while Sasha’s been watchin’ me and the exchange with Buffy.

After I’m done I get up and take my stuff over to the big plastic bucket we put it in. Sasha comes up behind me.

“Don’t look like you were nothin’ to her, from what she said, looks like you were her girl.”

I laugh, “I was never her girl, even when I was in her body.”

She looks at me almost like Giles would. “You keep kiddin’ yourself. Looks to me like you two are gonna be gettin’ busy soon.”

“She’s dead to me.” I say with such a certainty that she lets it go. And it’s true, she’s dead, so I don’t want any part of what she’s tryin’ to give me. I’ve never mixed business with pleasure, and I never fuckin’ will. Besides, she’s just doin’ it so she can get me all weak and vulnerable, then she’ll drain me. I know how vamps work.

She thinks I’m stupid, but wait until she’s a pile of fuckin’ dust, we’ll see who the stupid one is.

III

Even after all Buffy’s talk about her comin’ to see me for “old time’s sake”, I don’t see her the rest of the day. I went to the library to give ‘em the two books I had. Can’t get distracted by anything, gotta keep my mind sharp. Kinda gettin’ my affairs in order, too. ‘Cause someone’s gonna die here, but I’m not a hundred percent sure that it’s gonna be her.

Not that I usually feel like I’m a loser of a Slayer, I wasn’t lyin’ when I told Mrs. S that I don’t let negative thinkin’ in when it comes to slayin’, but this is Buffy we’re talkin’ about. Let’s face it, she’s always been able to own me. One of the things I’ve been workin’ in here, is tryin’ not to lie to myself or others, but mostly to myself. That got me into a lot of trouble over the years. I lied to myself about my home life, lied to myself about bein’ able to take care of myself, lied to myself about not needin’ anyone’s help, lied about who I really loved, lied about not bein’ psycho, lied about bein’ able to stop killin’.

Yeah, I’m a fuckin’ liar. What’s new?”

“Thirty minutes to lights out, ladies!”

“Hey, Eddie.” I whisper over to him.

“What’s up?”

“Any chance I can swing a new roomie?”

“What’s wrong with the one you got? She’s a good girl. I thought you’d like someone who wouldn’t bug you.”

“Who’s roomin’ with the new girl? The badass everyone’s talkin’ about?”

“She’s roomin’ with Deb’s last girl, the little one. You and the badass know each other, don’t you?”

“Yeah, which means I know what she’s like and I know what she’s gonna try to do to her cellmate.” Her cellmate was Deb’s latest conquest. Petite young thing, redhead who was done for killin’ the guy who raped her durin’ her childhood.

I look him dead in the eye and he backs down.

“I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise it’s gonna be tonight. If at all.”

“All I’m askin’ is for you to try.”

“We’ll see, ok? I told you before, I got only five years left here, then me and Onetta can retire and go down to that place near the border. I can work part time and we can take trips to Mexico.”

I smile at him, “Have a few cervazas for me while you two are down there, huh?”

“You keep your nose clean and you’re gonna be outta here before us.”

“I know.”

“See ya, later.”

“See ya.”

Twenty five minutes later and it’s lights out, Stella came in right before the buzzer sounded.

I don’t ask her where she’s been, her clothes look a little disheveled and she’s got the face of someone who’s been fucked good and hard. Guess she found someone between dinner and now.

“Did you have a good night?” She asks me with a silly smile in her voice.

“Not as good as you, by the looks of it.”

“Well…as a matter of fact…”

“You met someone, good for you.”

“Yeah, it all happened so fast. It was weird, she was asking me questions about you and when I told her you were my cellmate, she got really flirty. I know she’s probably more interested in you than me, but I haven’t had someone in so long, I was kinda desperate.”

Oh fuck. My nostrils flare and I realize I recognize that smell. It’s the smell I’ve smelled a hundred times while we were sparrin’ and all worked up.

“This person wouldn’t happen to be the chick that everyone’s talkin’ about is it?”

“She’s not as crazy as everyone thinks. She was really nice to me.”

My head rolls around on my shoulders, I can’t fuckin’ believe what I’m hearin’.

I get up offa my bunk and look at her layin’ there. In the darkness she looks kinda like me. Long wavy brown hair, kinda the same build.

Jesus fuckin’ Christ, what the fuck else do I gotta go through for her? I go back to layin’ on my bunk.

“Faith…” I hear Buffy whisperin’ really faintly. Most people won’t be able to pick up on it. It makes a chill go up and down my spine. “You will be mine, Faith…”

I shut that noise out with some hummin’. I get some death threats from the cells around me, but at least I can’t hear her anymore.

*****

When the buzzer sounds signalin’ the doors are about to open I’m right at it. It’s shower time and I can’t fuckin’ wait to see what the fuck happened in B’s cell. I didn’t sleep a wink last night, just listened to the moans and groans and sighs comin’ outta there. I didn’t hear a scream, so I don’t think she drained her. Well, drained her blood from her, ‘cause as I see Buffy’s cellmate comin’ outta their cell, she looks pretty drained.

The kinda drained that comes from fuckin’ all night.

Always knew she had a Willow jonez.

Heh.

That thought kinda just grossed me out actually.

I walk past the cell and Buffy’s sittin’ on the bunk with her head down. When she feels me, she lifts it up really quick and tries to put a smug smile on. But I see the hunger in her eyes.

I wonder when the sex is gonna stop bein’ enough to replace the blood lust. I’m fuckin’ amazed that she’s lasted this long. I’m not even sure what the fuck she’s playin’ at, what she’s holdin’ back for.

I don’t really wanna find out. I just hope Eddie has some good news for me later.

When I get to the showers and strip down, Deb’s there lettin’ her eyes roam all over me.

“Don’t know what she saw in you, you ain’t nothin’ special.”

“Then why you got your eyes crawlin’ all over me?”

“Ain’t no harm in lookin’, is there?”

“No, but fuckin’ me in your head against my will is probably a felony.” I laugh.

“Don’t be so fuckin’ full of yourself, bitch.” She spits out.

“Whatever, Deb. Why you got a beef with me anyway? I’ve never done shit to you. Well, apart from the nose thing, but you had that comin’.”

“You just watch yourself, got it?” She tries her best to sound mean. Deb and I haven’t really ever had any problems after we got everything straight between us, in fact she once stopped Candy from wailin’ on me and caught a week in the infirmary and then a week in solitary after she was better. I guess too many of her little bitches fall for me, without me even doin’ anything.

What can I say? I’m hot and dark and broody. No wonder why Vamp B digs me.

The moment I’ve been dreadin’ without even really knowin’ it, has finally come and my heart is poundin’ in my ears like it’s as big as a basketball and has taken the place of my brain.

She probably can hear it with her double heightened hearin’ since she’s a vamp/slayer hybrid. Fuck, I didn’t even think about that shit. She’s probably twice as strong and twice as agile.

Someone up there really hates me.

Buffy walks in stark naked and takes the spigot right in front of me. My heart hammers harder in my chest and I can’t seem to look away, but after she smirks at me, I finally do.

“Don’t stop lookin’ on my part, in fact, I kinda like it.”

“You forget, I’ve already seen your goods.”

“Oh right, I’ve always wondered what you did with me that day.”

“Less than you think.”

“Pussy.” She trails her hand down her body to her snatch and caresses her outer lips sensuously. I don’t usually describe things like that, but there’s no way else to describe what she’s doin’, it just looks so fuckin’ good. I watch as she pulls her lips apart with her index and middle fingers. Damn, fuckin’ damn. “You’re a pussy for not taking what you want. And you want my pussy don’t you? I see it in your eyes.”

That word comin’ out of Buffy’s mouth and her actions make me take in water through my nose and soon I’m coughin’ up a storm.

Fuck what Willow wants, Buffy’s fine on her own, I ain’t babysittin’. I turn around and finish washin’ myself and get out of the shower.

I can hear her laughin’ and when I turn around Deb’s comin’ up behind her and palmin’ her breasts.

Buffy winks at me as Deb leans down to kiss her neck.

God, I wanna stake the both of them.

*****

“Was Buffy in the showers?” Stella asks when I get back to my cell.

“Yeah, she was there.”

“Did she say anything about me?”

“I didn’t really talk to her, sorry. We’re not exactly friends ya know?”

“Oh well, what the fuck am I thinking? She’d have a ton of girls in here, she seems to be really into women.”

“You got that right.” I mumble.

“Here I am acting like a school girl with a crush.” She laughs one of those laughs that you do when you totally lie to yourself.

What she said makes me think back to the days when I first went out to Sunnydale and saw Buffy for the first time in person.

“Hey, Faith. Are you ok?”

“Hmm?” Stella’s voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

“I dunno, you looked like you were gonna cry.”

“Nah, it’s nothin’.”

“Well, it looked like something.”

“Don’t worry about it, really.”

“How about I leave you be and if you wanna tell me, then you know I’m here?”

She’s sweet. I should stop bein’ so closed off.

“I just…” I trail off and look at the wall.

“Yeah?”

“When you said that thing about bein’ a school girl with a crush, I thought of someone I knew from a long time ago.”

“Someone you liked?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“What were they like?”

“They…she was like everything I’ve ever wanted, and wanted to be.” I stop for a while, then turn away. “But that’s all gone now.”

I think of Buffy’s face the night I met her, and the way she looked sittin’ in the chair across from me as I scarfed down muffin after muffin and told my stories. I wanted to hear hers, but Xander was more interested in findin’ out what else I did without my clothes on. I thought she was so fuckin’ cool, so badass but in a completely different way than me. She had that innocent vibe goin’ on. God I loved the look on her face when I said slayin’ made me hungry and horny.

Fuck, I loved her.

But like I said, that’s all fuckin’ gone now.

*****

I don’t see or hear from Buffy for the rest of the day. I wonder where the fuck she’s been. I hope she hasn’t killed anyone, but if she has, and they’ve put her in solitary after beatin’ the shit outta her, then so be it. Red and the rest of the Scoobs can’t pin anything on me. I tried gettin’ our cells switched, Eddie told me it might take a couple more days.

“Lights out, ladies!”

Stella comes back in the cell before the buzzer again and this time her clothes don’t look all disheveled.

“Night, Faith.”

“Did you see your girl?”

She laughs a sad sorta laugh.

“Yeah, she told me I was a bad lay after I gave her about an hour’s worth of head, she couldn’t get off. Sorry, I know you don’t need the gory details.”

“Where were you guys?”

“Library.”

Fuckin’ fitting.

“An hour, really?”

“No, probably more like a half an hour, but it didn’t go so well.”

“You should really stay away from her, Stell. I’m just tellin’ you because I think you’re cool, not for any other reason.”

“I know, I totally know. But it’s like she’s got this power over me, I can’t stop myself.”

Shit, she’s got Dracula’s mojo goin’ on? If she can turn into a mother fuckin’ bat we’re all doomed. But I know that’s bullshit, ‘cause I know Buffy’s thrall is all about her bein’ hot, and bein’ Buffy. She just gets under your skin and you can’t…you don’t wanna get away.

After roll call’s done, the lights go out and we stop talkin’. I hear the Willow-lookin’ chick’s moans and it makes me shudder.

*****

“Faith,” Buffy calls my name and I open my eyes. “Wake up.”

“What the fuck?!” I go to get up and notice we’re not in a cell, we’re in her room in Sunnydale. “Slayer dream?”

“Given recent developments I’d say it was a Slayer/Vampire dream. But we’re both definitely in it.”

“What the fuck do you want, B?”

“What’d you think?”

“Well, I think a lot of things, like how in the fuck did you get yourself into this shit, but I don’t think you wanna tell me that.”

“Stop, ok? Just stop. Listen to me…”

“Alright, go ahead.”

“You have to help me.”

“Help you what? Kill everyone within a ten mile radius?”

“Can you stop joking? This is me talking. Buffy. Not Vampire Buffy or even Slayer Buffy.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“What you were born to do.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to.”

“Red and the gang’ll…”

“What? Kill you? Maybe. They sure got me good.” She laughs bitterly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Look we don’t have much time, are you gonna help me out or what?”

“Yeah.” It flies outta my mouth before I even think twice.

“Good.” She sighs relieved and smiles at me. “I knew I could count on you.”

“Sure, that’s me, ole reliable.”

“Can you hear that?”

“What?” I tilt my head to hear what she’s hearing.

“My bidding being done.”

I look at her real fuckin’ puzzled.

“So what, I’m your slave now?”

“No, you’re my savior, actually. I was talking about the other me.”

God, I hate these fuckin’ cryptic dreams.

I look at her puzzled and she looks me in the eye. “If you’ve ever loved me, you’ll stop me. You’ll help me, right?”

“Yeah, B. I will.” I assure her.

“You did love me, didn’t you?” She looks so innocent and hopeful at me that fuckin’ tears spring to my eyes. “Don’t answer that, I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore.” She looks kinda sad about that. “You just have to help me now.”

She steps up to me and gets a millimeter away from my lips with hers, and I wake up sweatin’ like a pig.

Figures.

*****

As soon as the doors open again I’m outta my cell and down to hers. Her chick is missin’.

“Where’s your cellmate?”

“Infirmary.”

“Oh, yeah, why?”

“She tried to kill herself.”

“How?”

“Stabbed herself in the shower, it was really pretty gross. How did you do it all those times?”

“Kinda like how you did it to me, remember?”

She smiles at me and laughs, “Yeah, that was a pretty cool night. You know I’m gonna finish the job, don’t you?”

“Whatever you need to do, B. You’re the boss. But you know I’m gonna win again, right?”

“You didn’t win the last time, what planet are you on?”

“From the planet, “Angel-didn’t-drain-me-that-night”, Twinkie.”

She looks mega pissed at that memory and I feel kinda smug.

“Shower-up, you don’t wanna miss breakfast, B.” I laugh at her, feelin’ a little satisfied.

“Already had it, F.” She gives me her own smirk and it makes me think I’ve been bested.

Bitch.

*****

“What can ya tell me about the livin’ situation, Eddie?” I say to him as I walk out to the yard.

“Warden’s considerin’ it. She’s pretty spooked about her cellmate endin’ up stabbed in the shower, everyone was supposed to be in their cells.”

“No way Blondie could’ve gotten out?”

“None that we know.”

“How did the redhead go unnoticed?”

“She musta done it before lights out, don’t know how she was missed at roll call. Candy’s catchin’ a bunch of shit for that.”

Good.

“Well, thanks, Eddie. I’ll be waitin’ to hear.”

“I’ll tell you as soon as I know anything.”

“Thanks.”

Sasha nods her head at me and motions me over.

“What’s up?” She asks.

“Nothin’ much.”

“You hear about little Red?”

“Yeah, from her cellmate.”

“Word is she got Deb to do it, right before lights out.”

“I hear she’s still alive, what were they tryin’ to do?”

“Don’t know. She lost a lot of blood though.”

“Why’d they think she did it to herself?”

“She told ‘em that.”

“Red did?”

“Uh huh.”

“Fuckin’ crazy, man.” I shake my head in disbelief.

“I wonder who they’re gonna get to room with her now.”

“We’ll see.” I shrug.

“Word is it’s gonna be you.”

“Word’s all knowin’, yeah?”

“Word’s usually right.”

I chuckle, “Word.”

She laughs and looks at me for a moment, almost like she’s proud of me or somethin’. She pulls out a cigarette from her headband and thrusts it at me. I take it like it’s the last smoke on earth. I’ve been tryin’ to quit, just to see if I can, but these last couple of days has been so stressful I fuckin’ need this right now.

They announce a prisoner about to come out, and I see Buffy squintin’ at the sun. I guess she’s not used to it anymore. Probably the first time in a while she’s really seen it.

“Speak of the devil.” Sasha mutters.

“Yup.” I sigh as I take a drag off of the cigarette.

Buffy’s eyes catch mine as soon as hers adjust to the light and she smirks at me. I resist the urge to look away. Truth be told she scares the livin’ shit outta me. But I’m not gonna let her know that, ‘cause that would only give her more strength.

That’s the thing about vamps. They get a boost when they feel the fear in their victims. If only people knew that, they might have a better chance at bein’ able to get away durin’ an attack. I should teach a class on that shit.

I keep hold of Buffy’s gaze starin’ at me, she’s walkin’ over all smug and proud of herself. She looks like we’re lovers and she’s comin’ over to say hi to me after a really great night of sex. My fuckin’ cunt of a pussy is respondin’ to that shit like I haven’t had any in two years. Which is true, but it doesn’t have to fuckin’ remind me.

Gettin’ right up in my personal space, she hangs back for a second and then leans in like she’s gonna kiss me. I will my eyes not to close. Right before she gets to my lips with hers she takes the cigarette out from my mouth and puts it in hers takin’ a huge drag.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Sasha says and she starts to get up.

“No, don’t!” I say, just a little bit too quickly, but it works ‘cause Sasha sits back down on the table she was sittin’ on.

“Don’t leave on my account.” B says, as she exhales the biggest fuckin’ puff of smoke I’ve ever seen come out of someone so petite.

I know I’m not a huge fuckin’ gigantor or nothin’ but I’ve always felt kinda bigger around B. She’s always been so slight, and I guess it’s because she’s about three inches shorter. Always made me feel superior and stronger, for some reason. But now with the added vampness, she kinda feels bigger to me. I have no clue what the fuck I’m thinkin’, all I know is, I’m all screwed up.

I don’t back down from how close she’s standin’, actually, I put my arm around her and squeeze a little. Showin’ I’m not a pussy, even though my pussy is, ‘cause it’s still reactin’ to her closeness and the sexualness that’s pourin’ off of her.

“To what do I owe the honor of you jackin’ my smoke, B?”

“Oh, nothing,” She says all sweetly, almost like she’s back in high school and I’m her chick. “I just thought I’d come over and meet your friend.” She nods at Sasha then looks at me expectin’ somethin’.

“Fuck, where are my manners?!” I say, all smart assed. “Sasha, this is Buffy, my old boss. B, this is Sasha, a friend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Buffy puts her hand out for Sasha to shake, but Sasha just looks at it and shrugs.

“Yeah, nice to meet you, too.” She looks away from Buffy as she says it.

B doesn’t make any big deal about Sasha not takin’ her hand.

“Any friend of Faith’s is a friend of mine.” She says with that Buffy smile that can melt anyone’s tough exterior.

“We’ll see.” Sasha grunts. I’m proud of her and her handlin’ of Buffy. I mean, I know she knows how to handle herself, but the rest of the bitches in here have practically fallen all over each other to get to B. I’m glad Sasha’s not tryin’ to become one of ‘em.

Not that I’d be jealous or nothin’.

Buffy keeps up her smiley demeanor and nods at Sasha, then she looks back at me.

“Ya know that feeling when you’ve had a really good night? Ya know, gotten what you needed, in more ways than one?”

“Maybe.” I manage to get out without squeakin’ like a thirteen year old boy. I don’t know what it is but she’s got me rattled.

Oh, yeah, she’s a vamp and got someone to stab someone else, and then gets the victim to lie and say it was a suicide attempt.

“Well, I had a reeeeeally good night.” Her face is so bright and happy, it almost looks like she’s got some color in her cheeks.

Another prisoner is announced and the doors open, and it snaps me out of whatever fucked up trance I was startin’ to go in.

It’s Deb comin’ out, she looks a little worse for wear, but she’s got a satisfied grin on her face as she’s lookin’ out at some of the girls in the yard. I can see the fuckin’ hickey on her neck.

Deb’s smart assed smirk kinda gets wiped off her face when she spots me and B. I still haven’t let go of her.

She looks at Buffy and stands there like she’s expectin’ her to leave my side and run up to her. I guess she thought she rocked B’s world last night, but I know it would take more than what she’s givin’ to really make a difference.

She struts up to us, not lookin’ at me. I can see some women gatherin’ around. They think a fight’s about to happen.

Sasha quietly but quickly stubs out her cigarette and puts it behind her ear, crackin’ her knuckles. I stay where I am, and Buffy hangs on a bit tighter.

That gives me such a rush, I don’t even fuckin’ want to think of why.

“You comin’?” Deb nods over towards where her crew is while still lookin’ at B.

“Not at the moment, but that’s because Faith’s a meanie.” She pouts.

Deb finally looks at me with a look that could fuckin’ kill.

I shrug, “What can I say? I don’t put out for just anyone.”

Buffy stiffens a little and then turns towards me. She throws the half finished cigarette down and some of the women gasp at that. I know they wanna rush over and pick it up, but they don’t wanna be called a bum.

“I’m just anyone?” She asks, without the cockiness or the bravado or whatever the fuck else it’s called, in her voice. Kinda reminds me of the way she used to talk to Angel when they were all loved up.

My heart starts beatin’ all fucked up, but I can’t get sucked into what she’s doin’ to me just ‘cause I want her to be what she was.

After mentally slappin’ myself a few hundred times, I look down into her face and smile sweetly.

“Just another one of the many blood suckers in my life, baby.” I blow her a kiss.

I can see her lookin’ at my neck, probably watchin’ my heart beat through my pulse point. It makes my fuckin’ skin crawl to know she’s imaginin’ bitin’ into that and suckin’ for all she’s worth.

Her lips part slightly and I can see her tongue feelin’ the tip of her canines. Any fuckin’ minute she’s gonna vamp out, and I put my hand in my pocket and take hold of the lighter Sasha gave me to light my smoke. She’s gonna go up like a roman candle if she tries anything and I’ll take my chances with Red and the other Scoobs.

“C’mon, come with me, baby.” Deb reaches out to touch Buffy who’s still makin’ eyes at my neck.

“I wanna come with, Faith.” B whispers really low and sounds like she’s the one in a trance now.

“What?” Deb says, not quite catchin’ what she said.

“I think your friends want you to go with ‘em, B. We can talk later.”

She looks up at me puzzled, then narrows her eyes at me like she’s mad.

“Your boss?”

Heh, I wondered why she let that go earlier and I wonder why she even cares since she’s a fuckin’ murderous vamp. Why does it matter to her what I think?

“Whadda ya want from me, B? We weren’t friends, right?” I pull away from her. “’Sides, you got friends now.” I nod towards Deb.

“Yeah, she does.” Deb spits out.

“Deborah! Go wait over there, I’ll be over in a minute.” Buffy says forcefully, while still lookin’ at me, her face showin’ she means business.

Deb keeps starin’ at me for another thirty seconds and then bends down and picks up the cigarette Buffy threw away. Puttin’ it in her mouth she finally walks away without another word.

“Why’re you fighting it, Faith?” Buffy asks, the seduction is back in her voice.

“Because it’s wrong.” I put a fake sense of honor in my voice.

“Wrong my ass, I can’t think of anything else that would be so fucking right.”

“You’re the one that sleeps with the dead, B. Never been my thing.”

“Maybe you should try it.”

“Buffy, you’re a…” I stop myself for a moment, censorin’ what I was gonna say ‘cause Sasha’s still listenin’. “A blood suckin’ mother fucker who would shiv me and leave me to bleed. Why’d you think I’d want any part of you?”

She really looks pissed now and it almost makes me wanna laugh. What the fuck is goin’ on here? I wanna scream, ‘You’re a vamp, why the fuck do you care?!’

She steps up closer and whispers in my ear, “You’ll be sorry, and I wouldn’t let you bleed out…I’d suck you for all you were worth.”

I’m fuckin’ dyin’ to step back, but I hold myself in check. Can’t let her know she’s gettin’ to me.

“I’m sure I will be sorry, but I’m the one with the soul, baby, so that’s a no-brainer.”

“Huh?” She looks puzzled again.

“You really should’ve paid attention to Giles more.” I say, and walk away, leavin’ her standin’ there by herself to watch my ass walk back inside.

Sasha comes up beside me, “You and her really have a lot of history together. I know you probably don’t wanna talk about it, but what I saw out there? Fuckin’ sparks, man!”

“What you saw out there was her tryin’ to play me.”

“I saw fire, baby.”

“You got caught up in all that bullshit posturin’ and lies?”

“No, I was payin’ attention to what wasn’t said.” She starts laughin’, “I’m talkin’ SPARKS!” She starts walkin’ faster and leaves me starin’ at her back.

I just sigh and go back to my cell.

*****

“You didn’t wanna stay out in the yard?” Stella says, when walk in.

“Nah, bunch of shit happenin’ out there.” I nod my head at her, “What’re you doin’?”

“Reading.”

“What?”

“I saw the chaplain earlier, she gave me a bible.”

“Oh, cool.”

“You believe?”

“Not really, but if you do, that’s cool with me.”

“I don’t know what to believe.” She shrugs and goes back to lookin’ at the book. “I mean, when I was five my parents used to tell me about the boogey man that was gonna eat me if I didn’t eat my vegetables.”

I smile, ‘cause I think I killed that demon back in SunnyD. Had a fuckin’ head that looked like lettuce and arms like carrots.

She continues, “So you know, can you believe everything you’re told?”

“What if you were told the boogeyman was real? Would that make a difference in how you feel about the Good Word?”

“I don’t really know.”

“I don’t either, but I’ve seen some fucked up shit in my day. Like I said, I don’t really believe in God, but I do believe some fuckers are up there tryin’ to mess with us.” And if I told her how I know she’d shit herself, so I’m not goin’ any deeper. “I just live and let live. Unless they fuck with me of course.”

She laughs, “I guess that’s a good way to look at things.”

I shrug and crawl onto my bunk.

“All I’m thinkin’ ‘bout is when they’re gonna let us into the showers, I stink like a cow.”

“Me too. I hear they’re not letting anyone in the mess either.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“They found something they think is connected to Mary’s stabbing.”

“Mary?”

“The redhead. Buffy’s cellmate.”

“Oh, yeah.” I wonder what that could have been. Probably the knife. Fuck, all I care about right now is gettin’ clean and eatin’. This fuckin’ bullshit has messed with me enough today.

I close my eyes and try not to think about it or the hunger that’s startin’ to make me nutty.

*****

“Why am I still here?” Buffy says to me, I’m layin’ on her bed in Sunnydale and she’s standin’ beside it lookin’ all pissed at me.

Fuck.

“Huh?” I play dumb.

“Don’t act stupid, Faith. I told you to help me, why didn’t you?!”

“I wasn’t sure…”

“Bullshit! You think this is funny don’t you? Well, this is my life Faith and I don’t want to live it dead!”

She gets a look on her face like she can’t believe what she just said, and I have to bite my tongue ‘cause it was pretty cute.

Her eyes narrow at me, ‘cause she can sense I really do wanna laugh.

“It’s not funny,” She says, tryin’ to fight her own grin. “Stop it.”

I sit up, “B, I’m tryin’ to help you, I really am.”

“Then why am I still here?”

“I haven’t had a chance.”

“You still have the lighter?”

“How do you…”

“Do you?!” She practically yells.

“Yeah.”

“You have to do it, Faith.”

“Can’t you just chill?”

“Chill?! How would you feel if you got turned?!”

I don’t even wanna think about it, but that’s not because I’m all moral and shit, it’s because my vamp self wouldn’t be fuckin’ askin’ someone to kill me, that shit’s for sure. And that’s what makes Buffy who she is, and that’s why I can’t do it.

“B, Red says she’s gonna…”

“Yeah, whatever, Faith.” She walks away from me and looks out the window. She’s quiet when she finally speaks again. “I thought you of all people would understand. You and I are not so much…different.”

I get up off the bed and walk to just behind her. I’m not sure what it is, whether it’s the closeness, or the fact that she’s really her and talkin’ to me like I matter, but I wanna wrap my arms around her and tell her everything’s ok.

“I’d like that,” She whispers. “Is that crazy or what?”

“You’d like what?”

“You to hold me…”

Fuck, she can read…

*****

“Wakey, wakey, Faithy.”

Someone’s on top of me and they have my arms pinned down. I say someone, but I know it’s her. How in the fuck did she get in here?

I start to struggle, tryin’ to switch our positions, so I can show her who the fuck is really boss. Fuckin’ bitch. She’s gettin’ off on it.

“I told you not to fight it, baby.”

“Get the fuck offa me.” I growl out.

“You don’t really want that do you?”

“I said, get off!” I try to rear my lower half up to push her off, but it ain’t workin’. She’s too strong.

“You keep that up and I will.” She grins at me.

“Shut the fuck up, bitch!” I try with all my might, but I still can’t get her to budge that much.

I turn my head slightly to the side and I can see Stella standin’ outside, like she’s keepin’ guard. The fuckin’ bitch sold me out. If she does believe in God, she better say her fuckin’ prayers.

Buffy puts her hand over my mouth and says, “Shhh, don’t speak.”

That gives me the leverage I need to push her over and onto her back, now I’m on top. I hold her arms down to the bed, over her head, her chest is heavin’ up and down as she’s strugglin’.

Then all of a sudden her face goes from strugglin’ to sexy, and she’s lookin’ really intensely into my eyes. I feel our connection through where our bodies are meetin’. Especially in the pelvic area.

I don’t wanna fuckin’ do it, but my body is takin’ over from my brain and her movin’ under me like that is feelin’ fuckin’ good. I try my best to block out those thoughts, but the fact that I haven’t had anything except my own hand in two years is makin’ it really fuckin’ hard.

Her knee juts up right against my pussy and she’s gridin’ slowly into it.

Fuck this! I let go of her and jump off the bunk, lookin’ at her and preparin’ myself for a fight.

“Lunch time, girls! Sorry about the no breakfast thing but one of your friends thinks it’s funny to go stabbing people.” One of the guards yells out.

Stella stays where she is when I get outside the cell.

“What the fuck, Stell?”

“You don’t understand…”

“No, you don’t fuckin’ understand, stay away from me.”

“Faith…”

“Move it or lose it!” Candy comes up and yells at us.

When I get down to the mess, I practically run to get my tray and then get in line. My face must give away what I’m feelin’, ‘cause no one takes a chance at lookin’ at me, but they know some shit is up. Usually I’m as calm as can be.

Sasha gets out of place in line and comes back to me.

“Hey, what the fuck’s up? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“You don’t wanna know, but that’s pretty fuckin’ accurate.”

“You’re right about me not wantin’ to know, but you better not show it on your face, girlfriend. These fuckin’ vultures can smell blood a mile away.”

Right as she says that Buffy walks in, with a huge smirk on her face and Stella trailin’ behind. I notice she has a big fuckin’ hickey on her neck and looks like she just got fucked. Candy probably stayed and watched.

Such a mother fuckin’ whore.

IV

They finally let us in to the showers after lunch, which I ate in fuckin’ record time, so I go grab one.

I turn it as cold as I can get it to shock me out of whatever the fuck I was still feelin’ from Vamp B. I can’t…I shouldn’t think of her as the real Buffy, it’s not fair, not to her or to me.

“Lehane, finish up now, you got another visitor comin’!” One of the other guards yells at me.

I turn the warm on and finish my shower. When I’m done I grab my towel and dry off real quick. I hope Red has some good news for me.

*****

“Hey, Faith, you’re looking…wet.”

“Keep it in your pants, Willow. Whadda ya got for me?”

“We’re still working on the ensoulment spell. There are a few things we need to find before we can even think of doing it, turns out re-ensouling a Slayer for some reason is trickier than just a normal vampire. How are things going with Buffy?”

“Oh, she’s a mother fuckin’ peach, your girl is. You might get her fuckin’ soul put back, but she’s gonna have a nasty case of the clap to deal with.”

“What?!”

“She’s fuckin’ everything in sight, Red.”

“Sh-she is?”

“Yeah, like you didn’t know she’d be like that.”

“W-well…I guess…” She shudders a little, and I cut her a break. Vamp B probably tried to molest her.

“Lemme tell you one thing, you guys better fuckin’ fly like the wind with this spell, I can only take so much and she’s pushin’ every fuckin’ button I got.”

“I know, I know. We’re researching like we’ve never researched before. My eyeballs are starting to dissolve from being on the computer 24/7. Giles is wearing sweatpants almost all the time. Do you know how disturbing it is to see him like that?”

“Oh, yeah, real fuckin’ disturbin’.” I roll my eyes and lean forward showin’ her that I’m dead serious. “Willow, I’ve got Buffy in here tryin’ to rape me, and whatever else she’s fuckin’ plannin’. Did you know her cellmate tried to ‘kill herself’?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she did. Stabbed herself with a knife held by a bitch named Deb.”

“How’s that committing suicide if someone else is holding the knife?”

“Prison’s fucked up. Anyway, that’s what I hear. My opinion is it was Buffy who got Deb to shiv Mary. Guess what color hair Mary has?”

“Uh, brown?”

“No, Red, she has red hair. Now, I wonder who she was picturin’ when she came up with the ‘suicide’ plan?”

“Hey, missy, don’t say things like that! You don’t know what happened, and besides, I didn’t do anything to her.”

“I didn’t say you did, but you sure sound guilty. And from what B tells me, sounds like you fucked somethin’ up and it’s the reason she’s a vamp now.”

“What did she say? And besides, you’d believe a vampire, even if it is Buffy, over me? Someone with a soul?”

“I didn’t say Vamp B told me, I said Buffy told me.”

“I think maybe I fell asleep just now, can you repeat that?”

“Buffy’s been comin’ to me in my sleep.”

“As in Buffy, Buffy?”

“Yeah, Bonafide B. Got it now?”

“But how, she’s…well…you know…”

“I don’t ask questions, Willow.”

“What else does she say?”

“She wants me to kill her, set her free. And you know, for the first time in my life, I just might do the right thing and help her out.”

“No!” Red yells and everyone around us looks at her. She looks at them guiltily and then speaks quietly into the phone. “You…you can’t do that, she doesn’t mean it, does she?”

“Sounds to me like she means it.”

“Did you tell her I’m trying to get her soul back?”

“Yeah, she didn’t sound too confident about that.”

“Really?” She looks like I just told her Xander’s Republican. “You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not. What really happened, Red?”

“I told you…Spike…he and she…”

I shake my head, “That’s what you’re tryin’ to lie to me with. Tell the fuckin’ truth.”

“One minute!” A guard yells.

“Listen, Faith, I am telling the truth, you have to believe me. We should have something solid by the weekend. If we can do the spell, it’ll require some planning. Can I come back tomorrow?”

“Whatever you need, but I’m tellin’ you, if Vamp B pushes the wrong button…”

“I know, I know, she’s”

The line goes dead and I just hang up the phone and leave her sittin’ there.

I’m still not convinced she’s tellin’ me the truth ‘bout what happened to Buffy.

Question is: why?

*****

When I get back to my cell they’re tossin’ the fucker. Mother fucker! Somehow I know some bad shit’s about to go down. Eddie’s standin’ outside my cell and lookin’ hella guilty. He’s got a mock neck under his uniform shirt.

“What’s up, Eddie?”

“Got a tip.”

“A tip, huh?”

“Yeah, we’re just checkin’ it out.” He looks away from me.

“What’s with the shirt? It’s like eighty fuckin’ degrees in here.”

“Found it!” Candy yells and comes out of my cell with a real fuckin’ smug look on her face and an envelope in her hands. I can see some writin’ on the outside. She opens the flap and narrows her eyes at it.

“That’s not mine.” I say, matter-of-factly.

“No? Whose is it?”

“Ask my cellmate, she might know.” I shrug.

Candy reads the outside of the envelope and says, “Angel dust. Hmm…pretty interestin’. You always make it a habit of labelin’ your drugs?”

“Why the fuck would I have that amount of dust in my cell and why the fuck would I label it?”

Candy looks at Eddie and he shrugs.

“Let’s see what else we can find.” She goes back into the cell and I look at Eddie again. His uneasiness is makin’ me nervous.

“What’s goin’ on here, Eddie?”

“I told you, we got a tip, someone said you were runnin’ drugs outta here.”

“You know me, Eddie. I wouldn’t do somethin’ as stupid as that.”

“I know,” He says, pointin’ at himself. “But we gotta check out anything that comes to us, or else we’re not doin’ our jobs.” He goes back to his stance, feet spread a little and hands on his baton. It makes his collar move a little and I can see a dark bruise poppin’ out from under it on his neck.

Buffy’s fuckin’ sadistic face pops into my head and I lose it, I push him up against the bars and pull his collar down.

“Who gave you this?!” I ask, and the next thing I know I’ve got two guards beatin’ the shit outta me from behind. I let go of Eddie and fall to my knees, tryin’ to shield my head from the baton blows.

“Hey Buffy, it’s that retard, she’s catchin’ a beatin’!” Deb yells. She must be standin’ around with her crew watchin’ this shit go down.

The last thing I hear is the fuckin’ Vamp Buffy’s laugh that makes my fuckin’ blood turn cold. And then everything fuckin’ spins outta control and it all goes black.

*****

“Hey…” Someone’s whisperin’ and if it’s Vamp B I’m really gonna nut out. My fuckin’ skull is poundin’ like I just knocked back a case of Jack and let a baboon give me a lobotomy.

“Hey,” They say again, and my only response is to moan. “What day is it? Do you know?”

I moan again, can’t seem to stop myself.

“Don’t worry, you were just brought in here a few hours ago, I thought you might know what day it is.”

I roll over onto my back and then realize that was a bad idea as soon as a wave of nausea hits. My head feels like a fuckin’ balloon in the Macy’s parade and there’s an ocean of fish swimmin’ around in it. What sucks is, if I threw up I’d probably choke to death on it, ‘cause I can’t seem to make my body roll back over.

“You musta caught one hell of a beatin’.” She says.

“Hey!” A guard’s voice booms out and the rattle in my skull makes me want to cry or die, or both. “No fuckin’ talkin’!”

We’re in solitary. I’d know this smell anywhere. It’s not too much different from our regular cells except it’s dark as shit and there’s only a hole in the floor for a toilet. Those two add up to why it smells so bad in here.

After layin’ on the ground for god knows how long, I finally manage to get to my knees. The head is still poundin’ like a mother fucker, but at least I don’t feel like I’m gonna chuck any second. No, only every other second now.

I crawl over to where I guess the bunk is and I reach out to make sure I don’t hit it with my head. When I feel it, I grab on and pull myself up the rest of the way. After a struggle I flop down onto it face first and let the sleep take me. I know I’ve got a concussion, but I can’t be fucked to make myself stay awake anymore. ‘Sides, it’s probably been long enough, and who the fuck would care if I went into a coma anyway?

*****

God damn, that shit’s bright! I shield my eyes from the light with my hand and I can make out a figure standin’ at the edge of the water.

“We gotta stop meetin’ like this.”

She turns around, “Are you ok?”

“Probably in a coma, can’t really hear outta my right ear, unless you count the ringin’ in it as a sound.”

“You can hear it now?”

“Nah, kinda like I’m tunin’ in and out to it, like my body down there or wherever’s a T.V. and I’ve got the volume on low or somethin’.”

“I hope you don’t mind me coming to you like this.”

I shrug, “Figure you’ve got nothin’ better to do. We’re the only two who have a Slayer connection. You want to die. I know how to do it. Past history and all. Makes sense.”

“You’re pretty wise, even though you’re a bit of a smart ass.”

“Just a bit?”

She smiles and I realize why I haven’t done what she’s asked.

“Well, a lot, I guess.” Then she looks at me like with what I can only describe as a sorry for me face. “Look, I know you’ve been doing really well in here. I’ve heard some very nice things. And I’m so sorry to have to ask you to do this, but I couldn’t turn to anyone else. I know if I weren’t a monster and if you were out of prison we’d probably be…” She looks away like she hears somethin’. “Someone’s coming, you have to go, we’ll talk later.”

Damn, just when it was gettin’ good.

*****

“Faith,” I hear Eddie whisper. “I brought water.”

“Go ‘way, Eddie.” The throbbin’ in my head is makin’ my teeth feel like they’re rattling and I bite back the urge to throw up.

“Look, I don’t know what your deal was back there. Why’d you go and attack me?”

“I don’t remember.”

I don’t know if I can tell him that bitch is tryin’ to get me through the people I respect. It’s workin’ and I’m mega disappointed he fell into her trap.

‘Cause now I can’t trust him for shit.

After a while he lowers his voice and asks, “Why’d ya have such a problem with Onetta givin’ me a love bite?”

Oh fuck! No fuckin’ way, dude! Are you serious? I jumped to fuckin’ conclusions and lost my cool over nothin’.

“Listen, Faith...I know we’ve been close, but I don’t like you that way. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”

I let out a laugh ‘cept, it sounds more like a moan ‘cause the pain shoots right to my head.

“Hey, don’t cry, I’ll still be here for ya, just not like that.”

“Thanks, Eddie, you…you’re a…pal.”

“And I won’t mention anything to Onetta.”

“She’s a great lady,” A sob escapes me ‘cause she really is a great lady, and ‘cause my brain’s screamin’ at me to go back to blackin’ out. “Tell her I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“F-fuckin’ up.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong ‘cept come at me and I’m not pressin’ charges. That envelope we found in your cell ain’t PCP. Don’t know who planted it or why yet, but it’s not drugs.”

“No?”

“Nope, I heard the lab guy say it was ashes.”

Ashes…

I remember what it said on the outside, ‘Angel dust’, written in Buffy’s handwritin’.

I just manage to roll over onto my side before my stomach empties itself onto the floor.

“This is Rhodes! I need a medic in solitary for 430019!” I hear Eddie yell right before I tense up and let loose another volley of spew.

“Angel…” I hear myself whisper. Dust. My stomach lurches and I spew again.

Finally, gratefully, everything goes black.

*****

I’m dreamin’ again, but this time B’s not here. Well she’s here but it’s not a Slayer dream. We’re on patrol and I’m tryin’ to put an arrow in the long bow, but I’m havin’ a hard time ‘cause Buffy’s fuckin’ practically runnin’ and I can’t keep up.

Fuck, it’s that night.

The night that started me down this fuckin’ road that I’ve been walkin’.

Buffy’s in her wool coat and she’s lookin’ like it’s two degrees out, while I’m in my vest jacket and my favorite long white cotton shirt. It was so soft.

I wanna rib her for bein’ a pussy about the cold and tellin’ her stories about the winters in Boston, but she looks like she’s a million miles away. She’s thinkin’ about Willow, and the place we robbed and the cops we knocked out and everything else in the world…and probably wishin’ Angel was here instead of me.

Angel.

Even though I wanna stop this fuckin’ dream somehow, I know I can’t, and it just keeps playin’ out on its own.

“Quiet tonight.” I say to her as kind of a question.

“I just wanna get this done.” She answers all business like and hugs her arms tighter around herself.

We keep on walkin’ and we go through the same motions we did before. She’s givin’ me shit about goin’ back for the bow; I’m talkin’ about goin’ and gettin’ some ribs.

One of the Eliminati jumps down and surprises us and B dusts him.

My juices are fuckin’ flowin’ and I feel amped. We come in contact with the next one and B grabs him and throws him into the dumpster. Not even lookin’ at what I’m stakin’ I hear Buffy laughin’ and I get that ice water feelin’ back in my veins.

When I plunge the stake into his heart, Angel looks up at me puzzled. Then he’s dust.

“Faith…no…” She says quietly and all smartassed with a smirk on her face. “Don’t…” It’s Vamp B.

I look down at his ashes. “I didn’t know…I didn’t know!” I drop down to my knees and try to put the pieces of Angel back together.

“He’s not Humpty, Faith. Even the King’s Horses went home, he’s a lost cause.”

God I hate that fuckin’ sound to her voice. It’s like the time she told me she was gonna to feed me to him. I couldn’t stand it then either. I wanted to just fuckin’ tell her I was sorry, but I was goin’ nuts so I didn’t.

“What did you do?” I look back at her.

“Me?! I didn’t do anything, you’re the one that killed him.”

“You’re a fuckin’ liar! Angel’s not dead, you’re just tryin’ to fuck with me.”

“You’re right, I am trying to fuck with you, but you won’t give it up. Playing hard to get’s a new thing for you, but I gotta tell you: I’m impressed.”

“Who cares what the fuck you think?” I charge her and she sidesteps me slightly then kicks me in the gut.

I go down like a fuckin’ sack of bricks and she pounces on my back.

“Just give in to me and you don’t have to care anymore,” She whispers into my ear. “No more worrying, baby. You’d like that wouldn’t you, Faith?”

She put the real Buffy back into her voice and it’s all I can do to not close my eyes and give in to her.

Instead, I rear up and butt her in the nose with the back of my head. The next thing I know I’m in the infirmary. My skull’s doin’ its impression of an egg and splittin’ open, I can feel blood pourin’ out of it and down onto my neck.

Fuck these fuckin’ dreams.

“Hey, hey…don’t…” One of the nurses comes rushin’ up to me and tries to get me to lay down. I’m cuffed to the bed but that didn’t help my head none, ‘cause I banged it back on the headboard. “I need help in here,” She yells, but it’s not a panicked yell, she’s kinda calm actually. “She’s managed to hit her head again.”

Someone else comes rushin’ in and they take a look at what I did to my head. They stop the blood flow and marvel at how the cut I just opened up seems to be healin’ already.

I spend another day or so in the infirmary, just as a precaution. I’m pretty much healed, but before they let me go they send my counselor in.

“Hey Faith, how are you today?”

I turn my head and look at Brian. I know this session’s gonna go a lot different than our others. Sucks ‘cause I was doin’ so well and now I’m losin’ it.

Finally after a minute or so of starin’ I acknowledge him with a nod of my head.

“Can you tell me what’s going on with you?”

I shrug.

“Faith, I think I know you pretty well after two years, and I know that this isn’t like you anymore. What’s up?”

“Just some bullshit posturin’ and jockeyin’ for position. You know when the badasses come in they try and test me.”

“Who?”

I like this dude, but I’m not rattin’ out anyone to him, even though it’s fuckin’ Vamp B. I’ll deal with her ass on my own.

“Is it Deb? I thought she stopped that?” He asks even though I didn’t answer his ‘Who’ question.

“Look Brian, you’re a good guy and I don’t wanna be a bitch to you so we can work some stuff out, but I ain’t namin’ names.”

“Ok, I get it, but you know the rules. If it involves contraband or a plot to kill someone, I have to report it.”

“It’s not either of those, it’s just someone tryin’ to get to me. No big really, I just lost it for a minute. Won’t happen again.”

“Well, I have to tell you, the warden heard about what happened with Eddie and she was disappointed, even though Eddie assured her you didn’t mean it. Can you tell me why you did it?”

I’m quiet for a bit while I think of what to say. I stare at the wall.

“I had a flashback to someone that was messin’ with me, and I thought he was them for a second. I snapped.”

Brian looks down at his book and makes a note.

“You exhibited some of that when you first got here, I thought it was under control, but it’s not uncommon for someone who’s suffered the kind of childhood trauma you have to regress a bit.”

I kinda half laugh, ‘cause I know I’m probably gonna hafta regress a lot, if I’m gonna stop Vamp B.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Faith.” He puts a hand on the bed, not quite touchin’ my leg. He knows I might snap so he’s tryin’ not to push me over the edge. Like I said, he’s a good guy. “Recovery is not going to happen overnight, it’s a process, and one you can make it through. I’ve got complete confidence in you.”

I sigh a relieved sigh. Not only ‘cause he believes in me still, but because I thought he was gonna say “I’ve got faith in you.” Which would’ve been pretty lame.

“Anything else you want to talk about today?”

I shrug, “Can’t think of anything else.” Then I remember what he said about the warden. “Is the Warden gonna separate me out again? Am I in trouble?”

“Well, you’ll have to go back to solitary for about a week. She can’t really break protocol on that. But it’s not so bad right? Just a week or so.”

“Oh, it’s a snap.” I smile and he knows I’m fuckin’ around. “Kinda like Club Med for prisoners.”

“Well, I know it sucks, but hopefully this’ll be the last time you’re there. My advice is to do your time down there, come out and let the experience make you into a better person.”

Yeah, ‘cause smellin’ piss and shit all day in the dark is gonna make that happen.

Come to think of it, I doubt the Warden’s ever gone down there. If she did she’d probably mess up those nice Ann Taylor clothes she wears.

Brian sits and watches me stare at the wall for a few more minutes. “Well, if you don’t have anything else for me today, I’ve got to go.”

“Hot date?” I smirk.

He laughs, “I wish. I’ve got some more rounds to make.”

I nod at him and he turns to leave.

“Hey Brian,” I call out when he’s almost at the door and he turns to look at me. “Thanks for everything. It helped.”

“I’m glad, it was my pleasure.”

Things like that are the reason why I know I’ve made progress. Normally I wouldn’t have said shit, but that’s how you get bonus points in prison.

*****

It must be almost time for me to get out of the hole. I was surprised Vamp B didn’t put in an appearance. Even regular Buffy didn’t come to me in my dreams or nothin’. Which had me kinda worried for the first day or so, but I fuckin’ let that go. I worked some shit out in my head while I was down here. I gotta start thinkin’ of myself more.

Who the fuck cares what Willow or Giles or even Buffy wants me to do? I’m gonna go back to actin’ like I was before.

B could be dead for real now for all I know. Maybe Willow forgot to cast the “protection from the sun” spell and she went up like a blonde bonfire. Or maybe Deb accidentally stabbed her through the heart with a wooden dildo while they were doin’ some kinky shit.

Point is: it’s not my fuckin’ problem anymore.

After they give me my lunch which isn’t much, not near enough to take the hunger away, I sit on my bunk and try to block everything else out.

And that’s when it happens.

“Faith.”

“Buffy.”

“I’m not gonna pester you about killing me, I know you’re kinda busy right now.”

“Yeah, ‘busy’.”

She sighs.

“Where ya been?”

Truth is I kinda missed her.

“Why, did you miss me?”

“No!” I say out loud and way too quickly to be convincin’.

“Liar.” She says it all playfully, and for a minute I think she’s Vamp B. “I’m not, I’m me.”

I forgot she could do shit like that. Hafta ask her how, ‘cause it doesn’t seem like she can read all my thoughts, but I’ve got more important shit to ask her right now.

“So, B. Before we get interrupted or you gotta go or some other shit like that that keeps happenin’, give it to me straight. What the fuck happened?”

“To me?”

“No, to Justin and Kelly.” She gets a confused look on her face so I spell it out. “Of course you!”

“You don’t have to be such a snot about it, Faith.”

I sigh and remember that I’m not supposed to be givin’ a shit about it anymore, but one look from her, one fuckin’ smile, one soft word and I’m right back on the “Buffy Train”.

She gives me a curious look and I realize I thought that in front of her. I don’t acknowledge or deny it. I just keep movin’ on.

“How did it happen?” I say quietly.

She gives me a look that I can’t really describe, almost like she’s disappointed I didn’t explain the ‘Buffy Train’ thought. But I must be playin’ it up, ‘cause she’d be fuckin’ freaked out about me thinkin’ of her like that.

“Like you care.” She says, a bit pissy.

“Buffy, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t care, and I think Red’s lyin’ to me. Can you tell me the truth?”

“Where are we?” She looks around and I just noticed our surroundings.

“Rock quarry in Boston.”

“We must be in your head.”

I wanna say somethin’ smart assed, but I don’t want her to clam up, I just want her to tell me what happened.

“B, what happened?”

“Willow…”

I knew it.

“No, wait. She’s here.”

“Oh fuck…” I groan. We’re never gonna hash this shit out.

“I feel weird…”

“What does it feel like?”

“She must be doing that protection spell.”

“Yeah, so your vampy self don’t go burnin’.”

“I wish she’d just stop. Why can’t she just let me go?”

“Can anyone?” I say, before I get a chance to censor myself.

She looks at me with a half smile, and then looks down into the water below us.

“You used to jump down into this?”

“Yeah,” I look to where she’s lookin’, steppin’ up close to her and starin’ down at what she is. “Couldn’t get enough of it.”

“Who can blame you?”

That’s right, it’s dark and mysterious, somethin’ that gets her juices flowin’ like nothin’ else.

“What’s up, B?”

“I just want it to end…”

“What?” I have a feelin’ what she means, but I can’t even begin to understand why.

“All this…this…”

All of a sudden she turns around and kisses me. Her lips are soft, but I can feel the urgency in ‘em. Her eyes are closed, but mine are still open wide. She snakes her arms around me and hugs me tightly to her, and I can’t help but give in to her softness. My eyelids slide closed and I let her tongue into my mouth.

Fuck she’s sweet. Just how I knew she’d taste. Wonder if all of her is just as sweet.

She pulls back quickly and I’m left kissin’ the air. I think I might get slapped here.

When my eyes open she’s lookin’ into ‘em kinda like she’s sorry.

“I know I shouldn’t have…I just wanted to…” She looks sad. “I shouldn’t have.”

Next thing I know she lets go and falls backwards and down into the water.

And that’s when I open my eyes again and I’m back in the hole

I thought I’d feel angry, ‘cause of the fuckin’ mind games, but I can’t get my mind off that fuckin’ sweet kiss.

*****

“Prisoner 430019, you’re going back up to General Population. You’ve been assigned a new cell mate.”

I’m standin’ in front of the warden and a guard that must be new. She’s readin’ stuff to me from a clipboard.

I can’t really see too well, my eyes are tryin’ to adjust to the light, but I know they’ll be as sharp as ever soon.

“Are you ready to go back, Faith?” Phyllis asks me.

“Yes, Warden.”

“Faith…”

“Phyllis?”

“Better,” She smiles at me and then nods at the guards standin’ on either side of me. “I’ll be looking forward to seeing more progress from you.”

“Thank you.”

The guards turn me around and lead me out the door.

I can hear the warden say somethin’ to the new guard about me lookin’ good even after ten days in the hole and that she should try it.

She’d fuckin’ die down there ‘cause she wouldn’t have Buffy comin’ to her and makin’ her feel like she was worth somethin’.

*****

“Hey, baby, did you like your little vacation?”

Vamp B’s loungin’ on my bunk and lettin’ her hand slide down into her pants.

She’s watchin’ my face, as she touches herself.

“What’s the matter, B? Your crabs itchin’?”

“Oh, I’ve got an itch…but it can only be scratched by you.”

My nose twitches and I can smell her. It’s fuckin’ sweet and I can’t help but lick my lips.

Her smirk gets bigger, “Like what you smell?”

I walk up to her and lean over her body. The look on her face makes me wanna give in. ‘Cause I can feel the excitement in her, and I’ve gotta say, it feels fuckin’ good.

I reach behind her to the bar on my bunk and I pull my towel off of it slowly and let it fall down onto her face.

“What the fuck?”

“I’m goin’ to take a shower. When I come back, you better be back up on your own fuckin’ bunk and you better be finished.”

“What if I’m not?” She says all smart assed.

“Don’t worry you will be.”

“Oooh, I can’t wait ‘til you get back.” She says all throaty, with the excitement drippin’ from her voice. And from her pussy, but I can’t think of that. “This is gonna be so good!”

We’ll see about that.

V

As I’m walkin’ to the showers I see some people who’re lookin’ at me curiously. They really don’t know me and probably thought I’d be in the infirmary for a month or maybe even dead. The beatin’ I took to the head was pretty bad.

Stella’s leanin’ up against one of the cells and she looks sorry. Kinda looks fuckin’ pale as shit. I don’t look at her for long, I just make sure I veer over to her spot a bit more. I don’t feel tingles so she’s not a vamp. Thought I’d fuckin’ have to stake her.

She reaches out for me.

“Faith…”

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” I keep my voice dangerous. “Told you before to leave me the fuck alone.”

I keep walkin’ and she pushes her luck. “Can you just listen to me?”

I stop and she practically crashes into my back.

“What?!” I turn around and look at her and she backs up a bit.

“N-nothing.”

“No, I’m listenin’, now what’s up?”

She walks over to the rail and speaks low so I can’t really hear her and have to step up closer.

“…never thought I’d be into blood play, ya know?”

“What the fuck’s goin’ on?”

She pulls up her sleeve and shows me the cuts on her arms. “She loves the taste of it, especially during sex. She gets off on it, so hard. I just can’t say no, ‘cause it’s just so…God I can’t even describe how good she looks when she’s coming. It’s like…”

I cut her off, “So she cuts you?”

She nods.

“How?” Not exactly like we can get razors in the cell.

“Deb got her something I guess, she gets her everything.”

“So for the last week or so she’s been cuttin’ you?”

“Yeah.” She sighs weakly. “As much as I love to see her so satisfied, the truth is…”

“It’s killing you.” I finish for her.

“Yeah.” She sounds relieved for tellin’ someone.

“So what’d you want me to do?”

She puts her hands up and laughs a desperate laugh. “I don’t know, really. Maybe tell me I’m stupid, smack me around a bit?”

I look at her for a few moments. Don’t really know what she’s in here for and I’d like to say I don’t care, especially ‘cause she’s fuckin’ Vamp B and lettin’ her drink from her, but I feel bad for her.

“Just stop. I know that sounds hard, but don’t let her do it. Don’t go with her when she wants.”

“I guess…” She doesn’t sound convinced and I can’t really be the one to do it. I’m not really a “words of wisdom” kinda girl.

“So who planted that shit in my cell?”

“I don’t know. All I know is, she came into the cell when you were napping, she said she wanted to wake you up and for me to look out so you guys weren’t disturbed. I was so jealous.”

“Of?”

“She…nah, forget it.”

“Tell me. I’m not playin’ games, this bitch could want me dead.”

“She loves you.”

I crack the fuck up laughin’. Must sound like a real fuckin’ looney toon, ‘cause I can’t stop.

“It’s true, Faith. You’re all she talks about. The only time she mentions Deb is when she wants someone hurt, or I’m too tired and weak to…ya know, but she talks about you guys like you were something.”

“Yeah, we were somethin’ alright. That envelope she left for me wasn’t exactly a love note, ya know.”

“Well, I’m sorry, I didn’t see her plant it.”

“No, probably got Deb for that.” I’m gonna break both that bitch’s legs.

She sighs and looks at me, fuck she looks tired.

“Sorry about the time you pulled in the hole.”

“Yeah.”

“What was in that envelope anyway? I assume it wasn’t dope since you’re still here.”

“No, it wasn’t. I don’t know really, until I ask around, but for now I’m thinkin’ it was nothin’.” Still in denial about it bein’ the Big Guy.

“So what happens now?”

“Now I go take a shower. Don’t really know what’s in store for you. Like I said, you should stay away from her.”

“Yeah, I’ll try.”

I leave her at the rail starin’ down at the concrete below. Some fuckin’ light goes off in my brain and when I turn back around she’s up on the rail startin’ to make her way over. I leap out and grab her right before her body starts goin’ down and I grip the iron bar with my other hand. The weight of her body pulls me over too and my fuckin’ shoulder gets pulled out of its socket, but it holds.

There’s fuckin’ chaos in the pen, and the pain is shootin’ through my shoulder and arm. She’s cryin’ and we’re just hangin’ there, it’s so fuckin’ comical that it’s not even funny.

Finally, the guards pull people away from the railin’ and they grab hold of my arm and pull me back up. I scream ‘cause it fuckin’ hurts so bad.

I just wanted to take a fuckin’ shower.

“What happened?!” A guard asks, freaked out.

“She was…tryin’ to…kill…herself.” I manage to get out through gasps of air and pain.

“I wanted to die, why didn’t you let me?” Stella cries.

“Oooh, look at the fuckin’ hero.” I can hear Deb sneer. Guess the fuckin’ bitch doesn’t have anything better to do then hang around spoutin’ prison commentary like she’s a retarded Will Rogers.

I just lay there and look over at Stella who’s a mess of tears and fear, guess starin’ at your own mortality can make you jumpy.

“I don’t…like…people…doin’ that shit.”

The guards make everyone get in their cells and they put the whole block on lockdown. Stella’s taken away to the psych ward and they take me back to the infirmary. One of the male nurse dudes tries to help me up on the bed, but I stop him and tell him to stay where he is. He gets what I’m tryin’ to do when I line up my shoulder just right, and he takes over and grabs my shoulder.

I wanna fuckin’ squish his fuckin’ bulbous head like a grape, but soon he pops the shoulder back into place and I feel such relief that I wanna kiss him. My head’s all tingly and feels rushy.

“Phew, thanks dude, that was killin’!”

He laughs.

“Name’s Jerome.” He puts his hand out and I take it givin’ it a good firm shake. “Looks like you’re alright now. You need anything else?”

“Do you think I can use the shower in here, Jerome? I was on my way to the showers when we got put on lockdown.”

“Sure, there’s some fresh clothes in that cabinet.” He points to one behind us. “Probably find somethin’ in your size.”

“Thanks man, I owe you big time.”

“Nah, it’s nothin’.”

Most people exploit the women in here, ‘cause they can. Jerome’s one of the good dudes I can tell, and it’s all been because of the good example Phyllis’ been settin’.

Speakin’ of her, when I get out of the shower she’s waitin’ to see me.

“Faith, just the person I wanted to see.” She’s all smiles.

“Hey Phyllis, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to personally thank you for helping to avert a major PR nightmare, and for saving a life. Quite frankly that’s more important, but you wouldn’t believe how the media reports these things.”

Oh I can believe it, ‘cause this prison’s not in Sunnydale. If it was they’d be ignorin’ it and reportin’ on the weather instead.

“Now, Faith. Eddie had asked me if a certain prisoner could be transferred into your cell, he thought it would be better for everyone else. Are there any issues I should know about this prisoner?”

Fuck, I don’t wanna lie to her ‘cause she’s been real good to me, but if I told her the truth I’d be spendin’ the rest of my time in the psych ward, and people would be dyin’ left and right on her watch.

“We knew each other…”

“In a past life?”

“Somethin’ like that.” I laugh.

“Were you…girlfriends?”

“No, not really. Just friends, well, kinda like friends who hate each other.”

“So you’re ok with being her cell mate?”

“Yeah, I know how she operates, it’ll be fine.”

She takes her glasses off. Man she really is a fox, her brown hair all up in a bun, but kinda spillin’ out in the front, just enough to make her look sexy, not stupid. Kinda like a sexy teacher, or principal.

What the fuck am I thinkin’? I gotta focus here, she’s talkin’ to me.

“…I don’t need to tell you how important the stability of this facility is, especially after the last administration. I’m thinking of my future here, as well as yours, and if you play this right, we will both be satisfied.”

Woah, wait, back the fuck up! Is she comin’ on to me here?

“Wouldn’t you agree?” She kinda quirks her eyebrow and her lips. Fuck she really does look like sex on a stick right now.

“I guess…”

“You guess?” She laughs then continues, “You don’t like my proposal?”

“I like it fine, I just…”

“So, what are you waiting for?” The warden puts her hands on her hips.

“Well, I…”

“Faith…”

I start to take my towel off and she turns around.

“Faith! I didn’t mean that you should get dressed right this minute! I just wanted to hear what you had in mind about my proposal. You didn’t really listen to all of it did you?!”

Whoops.

“Sorry, I kinda didn’t catch the first part.” I admit.

She laughs again, “Well, you can get dressed when I leave, are you decent again?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” She turns back around. “What I said was: I want you to make sure this girl doesn’t create the havoc I’m learning she’s capable of. When she’s done her thirty days here she gets extradited to Mexico, where it’s believed she killed three people, including one member of the Mayor of Puerto Vallarta’s family.”

“How long was she runnin’ down there?”

“They say about three or four months.”

Fuck, I gotta know what the fuck went on. Willow better show soon.

“Anything else I gotta know?”

“You know what I know right now. If I need you to know anything else, I’ll call you in.”

“Ok.”

“Faith, I just want to be perfectly clear here. This isn’t something that will garner you extra privileges, and we’re not breaking any rules. Except maybe the unofficial code of conduct the prisoners have against teaming up to help the establishment. What I can promise you is a letter of commendation and a glowing review to your parole board on your model prisoner status. That coupled with the glowing reviews of more than half the guard staff and your counselor, should shave at least a couple years off of your sentence.”

“Thanks, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll watch her.”

“I’ll watch her.”

“Thank you.”

“Phyllis?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry about earlier, ya know, when I misunderstood what you meant about helpin’ each other out.”

“Not to worry,” She smiles at me warmly. “I’m sure such behavior was commonplace before me, but I’m not that person and neither should you be, not anymore.”

“I’m gettin’ that.”

“Good.”

“So, what happens to her when she goes to Mexico?”

“I suspect conviction and then the death penalty. They’re pretty upset about the killings, plus they’re not like California or The United States for that matter. She’ll probably be tried, sentenced and put to death within a short amount of time.”

Fuck, dude, Willow and the rest of the Scoobs better get this fuckin’ show on the road.

Before we say our goodbyes I ask her if I can be allowed to make a phone call. She agrees and then leaves me to get dressed.

While I’m dressin’, I think about what she said about me not needing to be ‘that person’ anymore. If only it were that easy, especially when her special project is pushin’ me so fuckin’ hard in that direction. And not just with puttin’ her pussy out for samples, she’s beggin’ for the biggest beat down in the history of beat downs.

I just hope it doesn’t land me in the hole again.

*****

“Hello?”

“Dawn, it’s Faith.”

“You must have the wrong number…”

“Don’t hang up! Is Willow there, it’s really important.”

“What do you want with Willow? God! Why am I even talking to you?!”

“Please, Dawn, is she there or not?”

“No, she went somewhere this morning. She hasn’t come back yet.”

“Was she comin’ to see me?”

“Why would she come to see you?”

Fuckin’ Willow, way to let the Squirt in on things so it would make it easier for me. Dumbass.

“If she comes back soon, would you tell her I called?”

“Why would I?”

“’Cause it’s a matter of life and death, alright?! Look, I know you hate my guts, I don’t blame you. Just tell her I called and to get in touch with me. You don’t gotta write me letters or knit me a fuckin’ sweater. Just relay the message, yeah?”

“You’re such a bitch!”

I have to bite the “Fuck you, you fuckin’ stupid bitch!” that’s dyin’ to fly outta my mouth. The slammin’ of the phone and the dial tone I hear save me and her from the onslaught I was about to unleash in her eardrum.

It’s not her fault she’s so mad at me. It’s all on me. She and I used to hang a lot when Buffy was off with Angel, makin’ moon eyes. We kinda bonded in that time, and when I turned evil, she hated me like I was overcooked brussel sprouts. Guess it’s all on Willow now too, ‘cause it seems like she’s left Dawn outta the loop.

When I pass by the guard station with the new chick guard and Eddie, I nod to him.

“What’s up, Faith?”

“I got any visitors signed up to see me, Eddie?”

“Not today, but they’ve got another twenty minutes to get on the list.”

“Ok, thanks.”

“Good job earlier.”

“Yeah.” I don’t really know the new guard and don’t want her to think I’m gonna be as nice to her as I am to Eddie, so I just leave it at that and go.

Even though I’m not in my cell for roll call, they let me go to dinner with the rest of the inmates. Haven’t seen Vamp B since before the thing with Stella. We’ll see what happens in the mess hall.

*****

“Hey, girly, haven’t seen you in a while.” Sasha comes up behind me.

“Yeah, I’ve been keepin’ low.”

“So low, you were in a hole, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Word is you got caught with a truck load of ice.”

“Word is wrong.”

“Word?” She smiles after she says that and we share a laugh.

“Move it, will ya!” One of the women behind Sasha yells. “Get caught up later, we’re hungry.”

“Keep it soft, ok, Wilma? We’re fuckin’ movin’, ya jag off.”

“Just move your fuckin’ ass, Sasha.”

“Look, I ain’t lookin’ to start no beef, we’re movin’!”

“Well, it ain’t fast enough!” Wilma yells and does somethin’ fuckin’ so fuckin’ stupid I’m left with my jaw hangin’.

She pushed Sasha from behind while she was lookin’ at the food behind the glass. She smashed her face against it and blood just pours out from her nose.

Sasha snaps back up and looks at the blood on her hand. She’s gets up in Wilma’s face and punches her in the stomach.

Next thing I know the whole fuckin’ place erupts in pandemonium. Sasha’s bein’ beat by Wilma’s friends and I’m tryin’ to step in to help her, but four fuckin’ guards come outta nowhere and pin my ass down to the ground. I struggle to get up, but they keep me pushed down to the floor.

“What the fuck?! I didn’t do nothin’! Get Wilma, she fuckin’ started it!”

“We’ll deal with this, you just stay where you are. You don’t need to be pullin’ time in the hole, Lehane!”

“They’re gonna kill Sasha!”

“We’ve got this under control!”

Yeah, fuckin’ twenty minutes later, and rubber bullets and guards in riot gear and it’s finally “under control”.

Sasha and Wilma are both carted off to the infirmary and the rest of Wilma’s posse is taken straight to the hole. None of Sasha’s crew was in the mess hall yet, and the rest of the block was on lockdown as soon as the first punch was thrown, so they didn’t get a chance to help her out.

I hope she’s ok.

I see Vamp B with her eyes all wild and her nose twitchin’ from all the blood that’s been flowin’. She’s gonna fuckin’ vamp out I know it.

Deb’s tryin’ to pull her away, but Buffy’s just starin’ at me. If this was a cartoon I’d turn into one of those huge turkey legs, like what used to happen on Tom and Jerry when Tom was hungry and fantasizin’ about Jerry bein’ one of ‘em. But if it was accurate, I’d turn into a huge bag of type o negative.

She finally manages to pull Buffy along and one of the guards stops her. “Get to your cell, Williams.” She stares him down and he yells, “NOW!” right in her face. Deb looks like she’s thinkin’ about it for a second and then finally lets go of Vamp B’s hand. Guess she weighed the pros and cons and Vamp B wasn’t worth it. Not near enough to want a ticket to the hole.

Don’t look like Buffy was too unhappy about that. The guard motions me over. “You and her get back to your cell. Alright?”

I recognize his voice, he was one of the guards holdin’ me down keepin’ me out of it. Guess they got the message I’m supposed to be kept outta trouble.

“Got it.” I nod at him.

Vamp B looks a little stunned, like she’s in the middle of the blood lustiest thoughts right now. I take her elbow and lead her out the door.

This night’s gonna be interestin’, that’s for fuckin’ sure.

*****

When we get back into the cell Vamp B pushes me off, then cold cocks me right in the mouth.

My lip splits open and her eyes get yellow.

Oh, fuck. Here it comes.

She charges me and I put out both arms, catchin’ her and then pushin’ her out and holdin’ her at arm’s length. She growls her frustration.

“You better take it down a notch, B. Get your ass to def con one real quick or you’ll be a fuckin’ pile of dust in a minute.”

“Give it to me…” She whispers raggedly and narrows her eyes at my mouth.

“Not gonna give you shit, just fuckin’ calm yourself down!”

“If I were your precious virgin Buffy, you’d give me anything I wanted.” She gasps out.

She’s got blood lust, but I can feel regular lust, too.

“If she was a virgin, which I happen to know firsthand she wasn’t, but if she was you just fuckin’ had her cherry popped by about a hundred cons, so shut your fuckin’ mouth about her.”

“She’s in here, Faith…you could…have her. I’d let you do anything to her…”

I let go of her for a second just to pop her in the face, then grab her with both hands again.

“I told you to shut the fuck up!”

I can hear some of the other inmates whisperin’ to their cellmates that something’s goin’ on in our cell. They’re always lovin’ anything havin’ to do with listenin’ to or watchin’ fights or fuckin’. It’s like a sports night for them.

Her eyes go from yellow back to normal and she looks like Buffy again, ‘cept kinda scared and worried for me.

“He did this to me.”

“Who? Spike?”

“No, Angelus, he turned me.”

“Shut your lyin’ ass mouth, bitch! Angel didn’t do shit.”

“He turned me Faith…and said he was coming after you.”

“Well I haven’t seen him.”

“He’s dead, didn’t you get the message? I put it in an envelope for you.”

Somethin’ in me fuckin’ snaps and I let her go, givin’ her another couple punches to the face. She takes ‘em like they’re nothin’ and then trades ‘em back to me for fuckin’ real nice ones. My head’s groggy after that.

After about fifteen minutes of tradin’ blows I just wish I had a fuckin’ stake, she’s pushed me that far.

Gettin’ inside my head, tellin’ me shit about her and Angelus runnin’ together and killin’ more than just the three people they got her pinned for down Mexico way. When she tells me about how she almost killed and turned Dawnie, I fuckin’ lose it.

I push her back into the wall and try my best to tear her head from her fuckin’ shoulders. She manages to get a hand in between mine that I got around her neck and hooks her legs around my waist. She’s grindin’ for all she’s worth and workin’ herself up even more. Yeah, I smell it.

If I was into kink, my libido would be through the roof. But even though I’m not, and despite everything I’ve done to try and keep it down…it’s still pretty high just from the fuckin’ punchin’ and shit we were doin’. Not to mention all of the fuckin’ talk about fuckin’ she was doin’ in between the punches. I heard some shit about Angelus I’d rather forget, and some stuff about Stella that I knew already: about how good she was at head, but not good enough ‘cause she wasn’t me.

Her face looks like she’s bein’ fucked and I can’t take it anymore. I let go of her throat and snake my hand down into her pants. Not waitin’ for a verbal invite, I shove three fingers into her soppin’ hole.

“This what you want you fuckin’ bitch?!”

“Yesssssss…..” She hisses out and my own pussy contracts from the sound of her neediness. “Fuck me!”

Oh fuck me! What the fuck am I doin’? I can’t help it, it’s like I’m not in control anymore. Kinda like the Slayer’s taken over.

She lets go of my waist with her legs and tries to push her pants down so I can have better access. I reach down with my other hand, the one that’s not wrist deep in her pussy and rip the shit off of her.

She falls back against the wall and lets out a grateful moan. If people didn’t know what was goin’ on before, they sure as shit know it now. I hear, “Yeah, get that pussy!” and other shit like that.

I see her starin’ at my mouth, she can still smell the blood. Finally, she leans forward and tries to kiss me and I push her back by the throat.

“Don’t fuckin’ try it.” I increase my thrusts into her pussy and she moans.

Still doesn’t stop her from thinkin’ about my blood.

“I want a taste, give me one taste…”

Why can’t I fuckin’ tell her no? I think this even as I’m leanin’ in and let her snack on my bottom lip. The one that’s split. She sucks gently, and it makes me wanna kiss her, but I hold back. I can see her eyes rollin’ in her head and she fuckin’ comes like a Mack truck barrelin’ down the highway outta control.

As soon as her pussy’s done spasmin’ around my hand, I lift her up with one hand on her shoulder and the other still in her pussy and toss her onto her bunk like I’m stowin’ luggage in the overhead.

“You got what you wanted, now leave me the fuck alone.”

“Oh god…that was…” She’s still tryin’ to recover from the monster orgasm she just had. “Oh, Faith, so good. Oh…”

I’m tryin’ to control my own breathin’ but the effort from the hard fuckin’ I just gave her and my own need runnin’ outta control is makin’ it close to impossible. The smell and feel of B’s pussy juice is also gettin’ to me.

After about five minutes I hear snores comin’ from the top bunk and an excited whisper from the cell next door. “Fucked her right to sleep. I knew she was a playa!” Some of the women let out low whistles, it’s like a congratulations thing in here.

I know I’m gonna regret this tomorrow, but I can’t stand the feelin’ in my own pussy, so I help it out by rubbin’ it a few times. In no time I’m comin’ myself. Even had a weird thrill ‘cause her juice was still all over my hand.

“Weird” is fuckin’ right.

Five minutes later, I’m joinin’ her in slumberland.

*****

“Hey.” I say, happy to see her.

Buffy turns around and walks up to me. Just like the last Slayer/Vamp Slayer dream, she’s all softness and sweet, ‘til she gets near me and slaps the shit out of my face.

“What the fuck, B!” I grab her arm to stop her from doin’ it again.

“How could you, F?!”

“I couldn’t help it!”

“Bullshit!” The look on her face changes to smartass, but deadly smartass. “Did you have fun with her?”

“What?”

“Was it good?!”

Somethin’ hits me and I can’t believe it.

“Wait a minute…you…you’re jealous?!”

She lets out a dangerous laugh, one I don’t wanna hear again. Ever. But I know I’m gonna.

‘Cause that’s what happens when you’re Faith.

“Go back to your whore.” She spits the words at me like it hurt to have ‘em in her mouth.

“Talk to me, B. Tell me why you’re mad.” I keep my voice even and soothing hopin’ it works.

Her face softens, “I was starting to think it could work…”

“What?”

“The spell…us…”

“And I blew it…” Fuck, why am I thinkin’ of all this? She’s gonna be extradited to Mexico in a month.

“Mexico was…I can’t even think about it.”

“Did you feel anything?”

“For Angelus?”

“No, when she and I were…”

“She is me, and yes.”

“Felt good, didn’t it?”

“Why are you bringing this up?”

“It could be like that for us, B. Don’t give up.”

She looks at me curiously for a second and then she’s all over me again. Suckin’ on my lips and hoppin’ up on my hips, pushin’ us back into a huge boulder. We’re still at the quarry. I suck on her tongue which causes her to moan and just like that my desire is through the roof again.

“B, we gotta stop, I need to go.” I pant out at her after I pull away.

“Why?” She’s tryin’ to kiss me again.

“’Cause she’s there…”

“Oh, and that’s better than this?!”

“Stop it, Buffy! You want me to end up drained?! I gotta get back there to keep on guard. When I’m here everything else falls away.”

She finally gets it and hugs me to her. I run with her still in my arms and jump into the murky water below.

VI

I’m finally gettin’ somethin’ to eat, after what seems like a year. Even though I was mega hungry, I still had to go wash her scent offa me first, ‘cause it was makin’ me nutty.

This time no one looks at me in the chow line and I keep my eyes to myself too. My senses are aware of what’s goin’ on though, just in case someone’s lookin’ for a fight. Namely Deb.

I overheard someone say she wasn’t too happy about my new livin’ arrangements. Well fuck her, ‘cause now I know that the real Buffy can feel the sex that’s happenin’, I’m not lettin’ Deb get her big ass paws on her again.

I know that’s gonna be a struggle, ‘cause even though I fucked Vamp B good, she’s still a bitch. She needs Deb for all the criminal shit she wants to do and Deb needs her to go down on.

Onetta smiles at me, “Good to see you back.”

I give her a genuine smile, “Good to be back.”

She piles my plate high with eggs, bacon and the government issue oatmeal.

“Hey, how come she gets that much?!” Someone behind me says.

“’Cause she ain’t had a decent meal in a long time and she saved that girl yesterday.”

The mouthy woman behind me laughs. “Onetta, you know there’s not a decent meal within a mile of this place.”

“Hush your mouth and step up here ‘fore you get nothin’.”

Mouth shuts the fuck up and puts out her tray. Onetta practically throws the stuff on it. She doesn’t like anybody makin’ fun of her food. It’s actually pretty good for prison food.

I sit down and notice Buffy watchin’ me from her usual table, with Deb sittin’ right next to her. Deb’s not happy ‘cause she was talkin’ to Buffy, and realizes she hasn’t been listenin’ to her probably since I came in. Vamp B’s got a smirk on her face.

I don’t play into her games, I just put my head down and scarf my food. When I’m almost done, someone at my table says thanks for saving Stella. They were friends. I nod a ‘you’re welcome’ and keep eatin’.

Man, I wish I had three more of these trays. All too quickly I’m done with my food and then I down my carton orange juice in one gulp.

The person sittin’ next to me gets up suddenly and moves over. If I didn’t feel the tingles I woulda thought I farted or somethin’.

Vamp B sits next to me, her legs straddlin’ the bench. I turn my head and slide my eyes to the area over my shoulder . Deb’s standin’ there crackin’ her knuckles. I turn back and look at my empty tray figurin’ if she tries somethin’, this would slice through her head like a tomahawk. Not that the trays are usually that dangerous, but in a Slayer’s hands they are.

“Mmmm…” Vamp B moans. “You didn’t even say good morning.”

“Needed a shower and had to get somethin’ in my stomach.”

“You’re so cute when you eat, you know that?” She leans in closer, not quite tryin’ to whisper in my ear.

One of the guards gives Deb shit for standin’ there.

“I’m not doin’ nothin’, I’m just waitin’ for my friend.” She says it all pissy.

“Looks like your ‘friend’ is fine where she is.”

“What the heck is with you screws lately?”

“Move off, Deb.” He lifts his baton as a warnin’.

“Hey, it’s ok. I was just leavin’.” I say and stand up with my tray. Vamp B looks startled, then backs off.

She smirks at me, “Later.”

“Why, you goin’ somewhere?”

“I thought you were getting out of here.”

“I am, but you’re comin’ with me.”

She arches an eyebrow and then just gets up. She looks at Deb like “back the fuck off”, and follows me while I put away my tray.

I worked some things out besides the whole “not lettin’ anyone else fuck her if I can help it” thing.

One of ‘em came to me while I was eatin’ breakfast.

“Are we going back to the cell?” She says in that sexy voice she has.

“Yeah.”

“Oooh,” She squeals and puts her arms around my bicep, practically skippin’ beside me. “I like the sound of that.”

Damn how I wish she was the real Buffy and we weren’t in jail. And I really wish I knew what the fuck her plans were. Maybe this approach will help.

The “keep her satisfied in pussy and feedin’” approach.

“You’ve got ten minutes until job duties, ladies!” A guard yells. He looks at me and Buffy and winks. “Make the most of it.” He says, when he looks away. Somehow I know he meant that last sentence for us.

The staff seems to know what’s goin’ on, but they’re not doin’ anything about it. In fact, they’ve been kinda helpin’. Probably part of Phyllis’ plan.

When we get in the cell, Vamp B’s all over me. “You fucked me so well last night, baby.” She purrs in my ear, “You gonna do that again?”

“Later maybe.”

“Later?!” She’s instantly pissed. I drop my pants and sit down on my bunk, she looks puzzled...’til I spread my legs.

Then the lust is back on her face.

“That’s right, I fell asleep before you got any touch.” She says as she makes her way over to me, swingin’ her hips and walkin’ as sexy as she can in the tight space. She kneels in front of me and smiles. “I’ll make it good for you.”

Slowly she pulls my underwear down and tosses them in the direction of my pants. Not really needed for what I want her to do, but whatever floats her boat.

She leans in and takes in a deep breath. “Oh, that smells so sweet.”

“I bet it does, after all the sour puss you’ve been gettin’.” I say with a smirk.

She laughs and then bends her head further to take a lick. That’s when I catch her by the hair and stop her from goin’ down. Her tongue was in mid swipe.

“Oooh, are you gonna force me, baby? Am I your little dirty girl that needs to be taught a lesson?” Damn, she’s fuckin’ mega kinky, and even though I knew that from the shit I’ve been hearin’ in here, I’m still a bit surprised ‘cause of whose face it’s comin’ outta.

I don’t let anything stop me as I pop her a good one square in the nose, and blood comes rushin’ out of it.

If she looked pissed before, it was nothin’ compared to how she looks now. But she also looks excited ‘cause she’s smellin’ blood. It’s not her blood that’s gonna satisfy the hunger though.

As quick as a fuckin’ flash her face vamps out.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, lemme see those fangs.” I bait her.

She looks at me and bares her teeth. She’s not as ugly to me as all the nameless vamps I’ve seen. Guess I’ve got a thing for vamps now. Shit, what the fuck am I sayin’? I’m doin’ this to minimize her need for the others. ‘Cause I know my shit’s potent and she won’t be needin’ to look anywhere else.

For more than just blood.

I look in her eyes and let her see the danger in mine. “You fuckin’ get greedy and don’t stop when I pull at your hair, I’m twistin’ the whole head off your shoulders, got it?”

She realizes what I’m about to let her do and nods quickly. Her eyes are already startin’ to roll back in her head.

I guide her face to the inside of my thigh, right up close to where my pussy meets my leg. I have to not look at this like Buffy’s about to go down on me. I have to look at it like I’m invitin’ Hannibal Lecter over for fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Her upper canines pierce the skin and I bite back a groan. That shit hurts. I keep a strong grip on her hair and make it so she can’t latch on to the skin with her bottom teeth, don’t need her shreddin’ me up like I’m a fuckin’ corned beef.

When I start to feel light headed, I decide she’s had enough and pull at her hair. She wants to latch on more, but I’m ready for that and I pull her forcefully up by the high pony tail I got goin’ on for her. She looks at me with wild blood lust in her eyes and her tongue lickin’ out at her teeth to savor my blood.

I reach under her tank top and pinch one of her nipples. Hard. Her face goes normal. Damn, I think I just made a discovery.

She’s pantin’ like a motherfucker and the look on her face is more regular lust than the blood lust. Guess I gotta help her out or she’ll be humpin’ the leg of the next person she sees.

If slayin’ makes Slayers hungry and horny, feedin’ from the source makes vamps just plain horny. And because I’m a Slayer, it’s like my blood’s spiked with the highest quality X known to man or vamp.

I lift her up a bit and pull down her pants and panties in one motion. I let ‘em fall to the floor and then reach down and pull off her shoes too, ‘cause they don’t look sexy at all. Blue Keds lookin’ things with no laces and barely any sole. Figures that people who have barely any souls, or in Vamp B’s case, no soul, wear ‘em.

Once her pants are off, I sit her up on my stomach and straighten up a little more, snakin’ my hand down to her drippin’ pussy. Just like yesterday, I don’t ask permission before slidin’ three fingers in her hole and startin’ a rhythm that has her moanin’.

I tell her she’s gotta be quiet or this stops. She gasps and then leans forward and hugs my head. If she weren’t a vamp, I’d smash her lips to mine and help her keep quiet by shovin’ my tongue so far down her throat, I could reach her lungs.

But this isn’t my B, and I’m not gonna pretend she is.

This is business, not pleasure.

“Two minutes, ladies!” The guard yells and I pull her back slightly so we’re out of view. It wouldn’t be good if we were stopped at this point.

I can tell she’s nowhere near close to comin’, not in two minutes anyway. She’s grindin’ down slower than I want her to, drawin’ out the pleasure she’s feelin’. The angle of my wrist and the fact that she drained a buncha my blood isn’t helpin’ to speed things along. Then it hits me.

I reach down with my left hand and slip it through the blood that’s still on my leg. When I bring my fingers up in front of her face, her eyes focus in on ‘em like they’re the Holy Grail. I shove ‘em in her mouth and she sucks and slurps and that’s it for her. She rears up and bangs her head on the top bunk, but doesn’t miss a beat. She grabs hold of my hand and continues to suck on my fingers and buck and come on the hand that’s in her pussy.

After a few more moments, I pull out of her and push her off to the side, lettin’ her come down from her high. I take a look at the wound on my leg. Not too bad, just two small holes that’ll be gone in an hour.

I use some toilet paper to dab at what’s left of the blood and to get the come off my hand, and then I’m up and dressed.

“C’mon, Vampy. Let’s get movin’, you can’t sleep yet.”

“You’re kidding me right?” She purrs, all satisfied, her hand cuppin’ her pussy and her thighs squeezin’ together.

“No, I’m as serious as a heart attack, so let’s get goin’. Get your fuckin’ stuff on. I don’t wanna pull a shit job, ‘cause you’re busy loungin’.”

I can tell she really doesn’t wanna get up, and half of me actually feels sorry for her. But I’m not pullin’ shit duty so she can bask in the afterglow.

And when I say “shit duty”, I mean shit duty. Ya gotta clean the bathroom stalls. Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen bathrooms at bus stations cleaner than the ones in this place.

She gets up with a growl and just manages to get her pants back on when we’re all called out of the cells for a headcount.

“Looks like you know who got their freak on again.” One of the inmates from next door says with a nod towards us.

“The smaller one looks like she got fucked goooood.” Someone else moans. “Guess the retard knows how to fuck, huh?”

“You can tell by her back muscles…”

“Ladies, keep your mouths shut! Anyone who talks again is cleanin’ the latrine with their tongue!”

Not a peep is heard from anyone for the rest of the headcount.

Me and Vamp B pull kitchen duty. Sweet, I haven’t had that one in a long time. Gives me a chance to talk to Onetta.

Well, it’s her usually talkin’ to me, but I like to listen to her stories. She’s a wise woman, seen a lot in her life and she’s not even that old. Her and Eddie are in their forties. They met when she was a petty criminal and he was a young guard at the local jail. They fell in love and she turned straight and never looked back.

I like to hear those kindsa stories, ‘specially now.

Vamp B looks at the bucket of dishes Onetta just handed her to wash like she doesn’t know what to do with ‘em. Come to think of it, the real B woulda looked at ‘em just the same.

“You don’t have to hand wash ‘em honey, just load ‘em into the dishwasher there.”

I give Vamp B a glare and she shrugs and starts doin’ as she’s told.

That’s right bitch, I got you on a leash.

I position myself so I can do my work, occasionally lookin’ at and answerin’ Onetta and keepin’ an eye on Vamp B.

After she’s done loadin’ about ten more buckets of trays and dishes, she looks up at me. I can see she’s all fidgety, she wants to be bad. And not in the sexy, horny way she was last night and this mornin’, but in the “I wanna hurt someone real bad and laugh at their pain” way.

“Can I go help her over there, Onetta?”

“Oh sure, honey, we’ve got most of the peas cleared outta the pods. Help that poor baby get that stuff loaded. She’s just a little slip of a thing.”

Vamp B looks at the back of Onetta’s head like she’s about to get murderous and I step right up to her.

“Don’t you fuckin’ even think about it, you got me?” I say low enough for her to hear, but not loud enough for Onetta to think anything’s up. She’d just be thinkin’ we’re whisperin’ to each other.

“I wanna…”

“I know what you wanna do, and I’m tellin’ you, you wouldn’t even make it past me before I’d have you gutted and strung up like that dude in Silence of the Lambs.”

Her eyes flash, “That was a good movie.”

“Everything alright there, ladies?” The guard watchin’ us asks.

“Yeah, fine. Right, B?” I narrow my eyes at her.

“Fine.” She spits out between clenched teeth.

“What are ya talkin’ about?” He asks.

“She’s gettin’ bored of loadin’, but I’ve got her under control.”

“Good, keep workin’. Almost time for visitin’ hours and someone’s signed up to see you.”

“Me?”

“Both of you.”

Vamp B smirks at me and goes back to loadin’ the dishwasher.

Oh great, who the fuck would come to see her?

*****

“Why’d you bring the Squirt here, Willow?”

“I’m not a child, Faith. I wanted to see my sister.” Dawn says like a brat and lookin’ every bit like the twelve year old I used to know, even though she’s gotta be almost fifteen now.

I don’t let that cloud my decision, ‘cause if she don’t go visit with B, then B goes back into the GP and with the way she’s been feelin’ since kitchen duty, I can’t trust her. So I act like the hardass I hafta be so shit gets done.

“Well then why you double teamin’ me? She’s over there.” I point to where B’s sittin’.

“I’m scared.”

“Look, I gotta say some stuff to Willow that I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want you to hear.”

“I’m not a…”

“…child, right I get it. Now go take your grown up ass and go sit in front of your sister. That glass is too thick for her to break through, I can’t break through it either. ‘Sides the guards would have her restrained so fast, she wouldn’t even be able to breathe on the glass.”

“Vampires don’t breathe.” The brat says, all snotty and I have to stop myself from poppin’ her the finger.

But my speech there musta made her believe me and she finally gets up and goes sits in front of B.

I know that shit’s not gonna last long, so I don’t mince words.

“Where were you yesterday?”

“Tracking down the orb we need for the spell. Turns out…”

I cut her off.

“What the fuck really happened with Angel?”

“He…”

“He’s dead?”

She looks scared.

“Tell me the fuckin’ truth or your girl over there gets dusted as soon as we leave here.”

She nods.

“Who did it?”

Her eyes dart to B who’s sittin’ blowin’ kisses at Dawn who’s lookin’ spooked.

“When?”

“Right after they came back from Mexico.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I didn’t…”

“You didn’t think it’d matter to me, did you?”

“No…I mean, yes! I mean that’s not what I meant! I-I didn’t want you to know because…”

“Because why?!”

“Because you wouldn’t help Buffy out if you knew.”

She’s got a point there, but I don’t say shit about it or give her an inch. I keep movin’ to the next question so she doesn’t have time to think about it, and that way maybe she won’t lie to me.

“Spike really dead, too?”

“Yes.”

“Who did that?”

“Angelus.”

“Why’d Vamp B say she did it?”

“I don’t know.”

I think I do, but I don’t say anything, I just store that in my memory banks for later.

“Spike turn Buffy?”

“N-yes!”

“Sounds like a “no” to me Willow. “What the fuck are you tryin’ to hide?”

She doesn’t say anything and I get real pissed.

“Look, do you know what you fuckin’ did by sendin’ her here? You gave her unlimited access to people who are just itchin’ to be one of her minions. She’s hot and sexy and dangerous. Also, you put a lot of people’s lives at risk. Did it matter to you about them?”

“Yes…”

“I’m not sure it did. But you know what I’m sure of?” I don’t wait for her answer. “I’m sure that you’re fuckin’ playin’ me for some fucked up crazy reason, and I can’t figure out why. I need to know everything you know Willow. You want me to help her? Don’t hide shit from me!”

“Shut up!” I hear Dawnie yell. Apparently Vamp B musta persuaded her into pickin’ up the phone.

“She’s gonna get us all sent back in, Red.” I slide my eyes over to Dawn.

She looks over at where I’m lookin’, “Dawnie, shhh, don’t call attention…Well, don’t listen to her!”

“I’m not trying to hide anything, Faith.” She says back into the mouth piece.

I narrow my eyes at her.

“Honest, I’m not, not anymore!”

“Why didn’t you tell Dawn you were comin’ to see me?”

“Because we didn’t want to get her hopes up.”

“For what?”

“For Buffy being able to be re-ensouled. But when I got home last night…”

“You got your ass handed to ya?” I smile, “Good for Squirt.” I sit a little forward in my chair and she shrinks back in hers, “How close are you to this spell thing?”

“Just a few more days, two weeks at the most.”

“Did you know she gets extradited to Mexico in thirty, no wait, twenty nine days?”

“No! They’re going through with that? I thought we cleared that…” She stops herself.

“’Cleared that’ what?”

She looks around at the guards.

“I thought that case was cleared. We-we thought they dropped the charges.” Look at Willow, the fuckin’ lyin’ assed bitch. I can’t trust her any further than I can throw her. Which is pretty far and not really the point.

I hear Vamp B cackle and Dawn’s got the phone held out from her ear.

“How did Angel lose his soul?”

She looks at Buffy again and my heart sinks into my stomach.

I know she’s gonna tell me what I don’t wanna hear. So I just hang up the fuckin’ phone and get up.

“Play time’s over, B.”

“But I was having so much…”

“Get the fuck up or you’ll be walkin’ around on stumps.” I say, low and mean.

“Prisoner 438339, stand up or you’ll be tazed.” A guard says.

Buffy looks at me, then at the guard, and makes her decision. She slowly hangs up the phone and blows another kiss at Dawn and Willow then, follows me out of the room.

When we get back into our cell it’s me who’s on her like a leech this time.

She smiles all sexy and her eyes show desire but I put too much pressure around her throat and even though she doesn’t need to breathe, she starts flailin’ ‘cause it hurts.

“I don’t know what the fuck you think you were doin’ earlier…” I let up on her throat so she can talk.

“I was just…havin’ some stupid fun…I told her all the tricks I’ve been…”

“I’m a fuckin’ trick?!”

“Well, a trick and a treat.” She says all smart assed.

“Listen, little girl.” I growl into her ear. “You have no fuckin’ clue who you’re messin’ with. I’ll cut the treats off, ya got that?”

“I…” She starts to sound scared, but then she remembers who she is. “I’d just find someone else.”

“They ain’t me, baby.” I punch her in the face and she vamps out. I pull her head down and let her get another taste. Just a small one from my neck.

Motherfucker, that hurts!

When she tries to ramp up her strength, I squeeze her throat again and push her head up against the wall.

“They’re not me, are they, baby?”

“No…no…no…” She says over and over, movin’ her head from side to side, like she’s never gonna lie to me again. “Fuck…so good…” Her eyes are doin’ their roll back thing and she’s tryin’ to rub her pussy all over me.

God damn, my own pussy’s spasmin’ even though I don’t want it to. Even though I’m tellin’ myself that this bitch would fuckin’ kill me if I let her.

Even though I’m thinkin’ the real B’s gonna be mega pissed at me.

That makes me frustrated and so fuckin’ angry I wanna punish her. So I take hold of Vamp B’s head and shove her to her knees.

Pullin’ down my pants I shove my pussy in her face, makin’ her eat me.

She lets out an excited squeal and immediately shoves her tongue deep into my hole. She’s goin’ to town and it’s makin’ me wanna punch her in the head and marry her all at the same time.

I haven’t had anyone do this to me in a long, long time. And they were never this good.

I can hear her slurps and moans because my pussy’s so wet and it sounds like she can’t get enough. It’s spurrin’ me on, makin’ me hotter than I wanna be.

I pull away from her and she growls out.

She looks like a dog I just took a bone from. I back up and sit down heavily on my bunk. She crawls over hungry, on her hands and knees, remindin’ me of that dog again.

‘Cept she’s hot and not at all dog lookin’.

She pushes my legs apart and leans in but I put my hands on her head stoppin’ her. She growls again and then sits back on her haunches, her lips in a pout.

Fuck, I made Vamp B pout. How fuckin’ nuts is that?!

“Faithy…” She draws out my name when I don’t meet her eyes like she wants me to. “Faith…please…”

God, I can’t believe this. She makes me want her so fuckin’ much ‘cause she sounds like Buffy and I know I can fuck her any way I wanna.

She puts her hands gently on my thighs and rubs ‘em.

“Please?” She sounds like if she doesn’t get more of my pussy she’s gonna die. It’d probably be easier if she was dead.

I don’t fuckin’ mean that ‘cause it would mean losin’ the real B and I’m not ready for that. Don’t know if I ever will be.

Vamp B kisses my knee softly, and it makes me look down at her, finally. A tear slips out of my eye. She’s bein’ so good right now. Lightly caressin’ my thighs and plantin’ little kisses.

“Don’t cry, Faith.” She says and it sounds so carin’ that it makes more tears spill out. I don’t sob or nothin’ though, I just open my legs and lay back on the bunk. “I’ll make it all better for you.” She whispers.

She starts givin’ my pussy long licks with her tongue and then latches on to my clit, suckin’ on it like it’s a piece of candy. She wasn’t kiddin’ when she said she’d make me feel better. It started somewhere in my chest, this fuckin’ thing that felt like I swallowed a piece of the sun. Now it’s spreadin’ all over and shoots down to my groin when she slides two fingers in me and goes back to suckin’ on my clit.

I put a hand on the back of her head, she looks up at me and winks. My pussy contracts.

She just looks so…so…Buffy like.

“Oh fuck, Buffy!” I scream out and come in her mouth. She takes her fingers out after my hole stops grippin’ her like a vice and replaces ‘em with her tongue, suckin’ all the juices down.

I flop back on the mattress again after watchin’ her have her fun, and she sits back on the floor. She looks all proud of herself and has a grin on her face. I roll over and look at her. She lets out the slightest bit of a burp and I laugh. Even with her as a fuckin’ murderous vamp, I can’t help fallin’ fuckin’ head over heels. Kinda sucks.

Her face breaks out in a no-nonsense smile and I can’t help but smile with her.

“Did you like it?” She asks.

“Yeah, I liked it.”

“I always knew we’d be good together. Well, she always knew, I should say.”

“And it took her becomin’ a vamp to realize that.”

“Wasn’t her fault.” She looks like she’s tellin’ the truth.

“What’s with the heart to heart?”

“Would you rather I maim and kill?”

“I’d be less jumpy.”

“You look relaxed to me.”

“Try and make a break for the door.”

Her eyes flash with the challenge I’ve just thrown down and she jumps up, gettin’ a big run at the door, but as promised, I beat her to it. I stop her from leavin’ with my arm actin’ like a barrier across the open doorway.

Don’t even care that my business is hangin’ out for the people passin’ by to see.

What a difference a fuckin’ couple of weeks make, yeah?

*****

I haven’t seen the real B in a slayer dream in over a week. Don’t know if that’s a good or bad sign.

Vamp B’s been pretty much the same this whole time. She gets nutty and I hafta fuckin’ beat her, or fuck her, and let her have a drink and then she calms down.

We’ve also had kitchen duty for a week or so, and I spoke to Onetta about what kinds of foods they could get in so that I could keep my blood supply replenishin’ quickly and my body not strugglin’ with all the blood loss. So now I’m eatin’ fuckin’ liver and spinach and stuff that I’d thought I’d die before I’d eat. Not that I hate vegetables, but spinach hasn’t been my friend.

Vamp B and I only do it once every other day, that’s all she really needs.

But the fuckin’ is a three times a day thing. Like meal time. For her, though, ‘cause she still looks like she ate the biggest dinner after she finishes chowin’ down on my snatch. And then when it’s the real meal time, she gives me most of the stuff off her tray. ‘Cause she don’t need to eat it.

Deb was fuckin’ pissed at that.

After a day or so, while I’m catchin’ a nap in the yard, she comes to me.

I’m layin’ on her lawn in Sunnydale, catchin’ some rays. She leans down and wakes me up with a kiss.

“Hey,” I squint up at her. “What was that for?”

“For nothing.” She shrugs. “Just haven’t seen you in a while. Well, that’s not true. I see you more and more each day. The happier she feels.”

“Really?” Fuck, that’s fuckin’ awesome. My brain works overtime tryin’ to figure out how we could use that to our advantage.

“You look surprised.”

“Well, I am. I thought you’d be so fuckin’ pissed at me first of all…”

“Why? Didn’t you trust yourself?”

“You did?”

“I did, I do. I knew you’d be able to do it.”

“That makes me feel so fuckin’ great, B.” I smile up at her and she reaches out for my hand, I pull her down to lay on top of me.

“Why didn’t we do this before?”

“Dunno, but does it really matter, now?”

“It kinda does.” She says and I get that sinkin’ feelin’ that somethin’s wrong.

“How come?”

“I haven’t felt that funny feelin’ in a few days.”

“Whadda ya mean?” I’m thinkin’ maybe she hasn’t felt the sex feelings that me and Vamp B have been givin’ her the last couple of days. The fact that she feels it and obviously likes it, is blowin’ my mind and it makes special to me. Now I don’t feel so fuckin’ guilty for sleepin’ with Vamp B so much.

The thing I feel guilty about now is doubtin’ us.

“Well, I kinda feel hot. More so than usual.”

“That’s ‘cause all the sweet girl love you’ve been gettin’ courtesy of yours truly.”

She smiles but then her face becomes serious. “No, that’s not what I mean. I feel like ‘hot’ hot. Like the sun’s too hot or something.”

Huh?

Oh fuck, Willow!

I sit up bolt upright in my dream and wake up the same way in the yard.

“Prisoner 438339, comin’ out!”

“No!” I yell and run like I’m the one about to burn up from the sun.

VII

I hear a couple orders bein’ barked out, but I don’t fuckin’ pay attention. All I’m focused on is the woman in front of me about to burst into flames. She looks like she’s in pain.

Somethin’ bites into my leg and ass, but still I don’t let it stop me. I launch myself and fly into Vamp B, tacklin’ her back through the doorway and into the cover of the dark hall.

“Oof!” She says as we hit the ground. “I…am I…?”

“Shh, you’re ok.” I whisper.

The guards finally catch up and pull me off her.

“Hey, don’t shoot!” I put my hands on top of my head. They’ve got their guns trained on me.

“Too late for that,” One of ‘em says. “She took two hits and it didn’t faze shit.” He says to his buddy like he can’t believe it.

Fuck, now I realize what the biting feelin’ was. Never been shot before. ‘Til now.

“Stay down!” Another guard yells, and I wanna fuckin’ say: ‘Well then why did you pull me to my feet, asshole?’ but I just kneel down as best I can, then lay face down on the floor.

Buffy’s groanin’.

“What was she trying to do?” The head guard says.

“I don’t know, she just attacked this one here.”

“With what, acid? Look at the burns on her hands and face.”

“I didn’t see her throw anything.” Eddie says. “As a matter of fact, looked like the girl was hurt before she walked all the way out.”

Some other people come runnin’ up with gurneys.

“Take ‘em both to the infirmary: this one for burns from fuck knows what and this one here with gunshots to the back of the leg and ass.”

“She’s lucky they weren’t head shots.” One of the medical dudes says as they pick me up and lay me face down on the gurney.

“Eddie don’t shoot to kill.” A guard chuckles.

And thank fuck for that.

*****

After a couple hours of surgery, which I was mostly awake for ‘cause they don’t know that it takes more than a regular dose of anesthesia to keep me out for longer than thirty minutes, they wheel me back into the common room. I can see Vamp B there with bandages on her hands and face.

They put my bed next to hers. I notice she’s chained to the bed, but they left me un-cuffed.

I’m still face down with my ass slightly propped in the air. I feel like a fuckin’ dork.

“You awake?” I ask her.

She turns her head and I can see her eyes, the smell of all the blood’s gotten to her. She looks like she wants to murder me, what the fuck do I do now?

“Is Buffy in there, at all?” I try to appeal to the real Buffy to calm her, but she’s definitely checked out.

Jerome comes in and her eyes immediately cut to him.

Oh fuck no. No. This ain’t happenin’.

“How’s my burn victim?” He says to B. She moans and whispers somethin’. She’s a smart one. He’ll have to bend down to her to make out what she’s sayin’ and it’ll give her a shot at his neck.

“Jerome, dude, can you check my leg out?!” I say, kinda like my flesh is bein’ eaten off or somethin’.

“What’s up?”

“I don’t know, it hurts real bad.”

He lifts the bandage and says, “It looks fine to me, almost like it’s healin’ already. Damn girl, you’re somethin’ else.”

“Can you get me somethin’ for the pain?”

“You’ve had all they’ll let the prisoners have. Sorry.”

“But…”

“Only thing I can do is go ask the Warden.”

“Man, please, please, please ask her. Please.” I beg like I’ve never begged before.

As soon as he’s out the door, I look around to make sure no one else it watchin’. Me and B are the only ones in this part of the ward and no guards are in sight.

I hop off the bed. My legs feel kinda numb like they’re asleep, but I don’t think of how they should feel, I think of ‘em workin’ like regular legs. My ass is hangin’ out, but again, I don’t care.

I shuffle over to B’s bed with the drippy thing they’ve got attached to my hand, guess they thought I lost a lot of blood and needed a pint.

“Here, B. Suck on this.” I pull the tube out of my hand and put it in her mouth. She looks like she’s tryin’ to suck, but it’s not comin’ out fast enough. Kinda looks funny. I spot a valve lookin’ thing at the mouth of the blood bag and I twist it. The mixed look of hunger and relief on her face makes me feel sorry for her and angry beyond belief at Willow.

She’s gonna hear some shit from me. Soon.

Once the bag is almost completely gone I pull the tube out of her mouth and attach it back to the thing in my hand. I wipe some drops that spilled on her lips and let her suck ‘em off my finger for a second or two. I hop back into the bed, ass up, as Phyllis and Jerome are comin’ into the room.

“Faith, Jerome is going to give you a small shot of pain killer. Is that ok?”

I nod, lookin’ desperate. Scared shitless is more like it. What the fuck would they have done if we were caught?

“That’s all I can legally give you, sorry, but it’s regulations.”

As soon as he presses the plunger, I relax my face and sigh.

“That’s better.” I lie. I don’t feel a fuckin’ thing. On second thought, I guess maybe I do, ‘cause the slight pain in my leg and ass are gone.

“Good.” She smiles at me and then watches Jerome check on Buffy, who’s been quiet this whole time. “How is she?”

“Thought she was hurtin’ before, but now she’s sleepin’.”

“Give her a shot, too. I’ll fill out the necessary paperwork back in my office. When you’re done with that, please go fill out your portion.”

“Okay.” He fixes the needle and gives B a shot of painkiller. She sighs.

Fuckin’ fuck. My pussy’s always gotta respond to her sounds of pleasure?

Phyllis waits until Jerome leaves the room.

“What happened out there, Faith?”

“I don’t know. All I know is she looked like she was in pain, like she was burnin’ up, so I tackled her.”

“Sun allergy?”

“She’s never had it before, can people develop it?”

“They might, I’ll have the doctor’s check into it. In the meantime, we’ll have to keep her inside. Do you mind babysitting?”

I look over at Vamp B. King Tut with a fine ass.

“No, I don’t mind.”

“Sorry you had to be shot.”

I do my best to shrug in the position I’m in, “Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right?”

She lets out a small laugh, “Right.” She looks like she’s about to say somethin’ and stops herself.

“Phyllis?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know, but I feel like I should thank you.”

She laughs. Damn, laughin’ agrees with her.

She’s a MILF, that’s for fuckin’ sure.

“Well, I’ll take it as a thank you for the pain killer and say ‘you’re welcome’. Now get some rest.”

“Ok.” I smile and watch her walk away in the mirror they’ve got on my headboard.

I look over at my other MILF, Mummy I’d Like to Fuck, and whisper her name.

“That’s the warden?” She asks without lookin’ at me. It’s the first thing I’ve heard her say since she was tryin’ to get Jerome to bend down to her.

“Yeah, why?”

“That ass is real fine.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” I laugh. I can see some movement under her sheets and I know what she’s doin’.

“Mmmm-hmmmm, real fine.”

I feel a twinge of jealousy ‘cause she’s jackin’ to Phyllis’ ass, but I shouldn’t care at all. ‘Cause she’s Vamp B.

After a few more minutes, she’s almost done with herself, and I try not to listen as she moans and sighs when she comes.

Like I said, it’s business.

We don’t say nothin’ else to each other and after a while I can tell she’s sleepin’.

I let my eyes slide shut, I’m not gonna sleep, I’m just gonna rest enough to be able to see her.

We’re in her bed and I’m lyin’ on my stomach and she’s lookin’ over at me.

“I…I’ve never done this before…” She sounds nervous.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” I whisper to her, tryin’ to be as soft as I know how.

Holy shit, I can’t believe this is happenin’. Holy shit.

I lean in to kiss her, not tryin’ to get on top yet. Don’t wanna freak her completely.

I don’t think this is a Slayer dream, but it seems like she’s here with me, like it’s real. Gotta treat it that way, see where it goes.

I wanna ask her about Angel, but I feel like it’ll kill the mood.

So instead, I go with playful after our kiss ends, “Never done this before? Kissing?”

She shakes her head, “Well, we’ve kissed a couple of times, but I’ve never, done ‘it’ with a girl before.”

“What makes you think we’re gonna do it?”

If it turns out this is a Slayer dream, somethin’ always seems to interrupts us.

“Isn’t that what this is about?” She makes a gesture towards her body and I raise my eyebrow. She pulls the covers down slightly and I can see she’s naked.

“Ooh, B. You slut, you.”

She covers up quickly and gets a blushy smile on her face.

“Awww, don’t cover up, I like you slutty.” I wiggle my eyebrows.

She looks upset at that, and says quietly after a moment, “I know, I’ve felt it.”

She means Vamp B, and just like that I’ve gone and ruined our moment. She’s lookin’ down at her hands that are now clutching the top of the comforter, protectin’ her goods.

“Buffy,” I say so she’ll look at me. “This is gonna sound mega creepy and like a total line, but it’s true.”

“What?”

“I think about you when we’re like that.”

“You’re right, that does sound like a totally creepy line.”

At least she’s smilin’.

“I mean, I think about it as helpin’ you. I’m not enjoyin’ it.”

She looks a bit skeptical at that.

“You don’t enjoy it?”

“Not really.”

“I’ve felt you enjoying it.”

“True, but that’s because I felt you enjoyin’ it too.”

“How do you know it’s me? She seems to get a ton of satisfaction out of it, how can you tell the difference?”

“’Cause it’s not her I feel the love from.”

She smiles a little and I’m pretty sure I just said the right thing. ‘Cause she leans in and plants one on me.

We shift around a little and I can feel her soft skin against mine. Fuck, that feels good. Her skin’s warm and suddenly I feel like I’ve gotta touch all of it.

Without stoppin’ our kiss, I lift up and move over so I can get on top. She parts her legs and I settle in between. Oh fuck, that fuckin’ feels good. She turns her head slightly and gasps, guess she thinks so too.

I bend down to her neck and place kisses up and down it.

“Faith,” She whispers.

“Mmm?” I ask, not takin’ my lips from her skin.

“Touch me.”

I think my brain just checked out. That’s the sexiest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever heard.

“Are you sure?” Just have to be one hundred percent we’re on the same page here.

“Yes, I want you inside.”

Now, that is the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.

Vamp B might be fuckin’ sexy as hell, but this B takes the fuckin’ cake.

“Stop thinking about her, you’re with me now.”

“Sorry, B.” Shit, forgot that she can do that.

“So, what’re you waiting for? I said fuck me.”

Holy shit!

I feel her forehead. Nope, no fever. She’s warm though, so this ain’t the other one.

“Stop making fun, I’m serious. Please?”

I stop all the kiddin’ around and look into her eyes. I can see desire there, and the best part about that is it’s desire for me.

I’m feelin’ pretty fuckin’ good about myself right now. Without lookin’ away from her, I start a slow rhythm of grindin’ against where we’re connected in the one key area.

“That’s goooood,” She practically purrs, and I pray I don’t come too soon, ‘cause I’m tryin’ to be the smooth one here, the one with all the experience. But damn, it’s makin’ me so hot I can barely breathe.

It’s just knowin’ this is the real B might be too much for me.

She turns my face back to her when I look away, and says, “It’s ok. Be with me…”

I bend my head down and we share a wet, needy kiss. She wraps her legs around me and I can feel her lock them behind my back. That really has me goin’ and I pick up the pace.

“Oh, just like that, baby.” She says, when our kiss ends, she leans her forehead on mine.

That sounds so good coming from her. It sounds right.

I reach down between us use my finger on her clit. She’s gaspin’ and groanin’ and leans in for another deep kiss, so I rub her clit a little faster and pinch it when she sucks on my tongue. She groans really loud and squeezes the fuck outta me with her thighs, her clit’s explodin’ under my fingertips.

I move my hand away when I’ve got my clit right on hers, and I thrust a couple of times. It’s sendin’ me over the edge and her into her second orgasm.

“Buffy! Fuck!”

“Faith! Oh, Faith!”

I hold onto her head and look her in the eyes again, this time I see the love that’s always been there. I just couldn’t see it before for all the hate.

I’m still buckin’ and grindin’, tryin’ to keep these feelings runnin’ through me.

“I love you, Buffy.” I say before I capture her lips in another hungry kiss. She looked a little stunned, but then she’s relaxin’ into it and givin’ as good as she’s gettin’.

Finally, when my pussy’s gone from spasming wildly to a dull throb, I stop rubbin’ against her. We’re still lip locked and I feel like everything I am and everything I’ve worked for is all pourin’ out into our kiss.

When we break she says somethin’ totally Buffy, and it makes me love her even more.

“Okay, can’t say I saw the multiple orgasms coming. That’s another first.” She’s still tryin’ to catch her breath.

I kiss the side of her face and rest myself a little more into her. Pretty sure I won’t crush her, even though it seems like I could. I’m just too fucked up to move right now. Literally.

“Faith?”

“Am I crushin’ you?”

“No, you’re fine…well, more than fine, in fact that feels so good right where you are. I was going to ask…”

“Since forever.” I answer her question.

She’s quiet for a few seconds, then asks, “Can you read my mind too?”

“Not really, but I know it’d be somethin’ you’d want to know. Was I right?”

“Yes, that’s what I was going to ask.”

“Surprised to hear it, huh?”

“A little, but more than happy you said it.”

“It was the…” I stop myself.

“What?”

“Nothin’.”

“No, c’mon, don’t do that. What were you going to say?”

I let out a puff of air and figure to go with my heart. “If I was bein’ truthful that night, I would’ve told you I loved you.”

“The night I stabbed you?” She sounds puzzled.

I laugh, “Well, that night too. And every other night in between.”

“You mean the night you saw me at the Bronze?”

“Yeah,” I whisper in her ear. “I would’ve sounded like a real creep, huh?”

“’You’re Buffy, right? I’m Faith. I love you’?”

“See? Doesn’t work, does it?”

“Works for me.” She says with a laugh.

“Well, not then. You would’ve booked the other way.”

“But it’s how you felt.” She says finishin’ my thought for me.

“Yes.”

“Well, I can’t say that I felt the same at that time. But I do now.”

“S’all that matters, B.”

We share another kiss and I don’t know about her, but I’m ready to go again.

She starts grindin’ against me and I’ve got my answer.

“You meant what you said before, ‘bout me bein’ inside you?” I whisper when our kiss breaks.

She looks up at me and her eyes are almost the color of wheat. Fuck, my pussy even gets excited about the color of her eyes.

Buffy nods and smiles, “You’ve got it bad, huh?”

“The worst,” I groan. “And what sucks is, I can’t read your mind, but you can read mine.”

“Probably because I haven’t been as open with you as you’ve been with me.”

“Buffy, I know we have to talk, but can we do it later?”

“Yes. More sex now?”

“More sex, definitely.”

I start to kiss her, but pull away after just a few short ones. She groans. As I make my way down her body those groans go from unhappy sounding to moans of pleasure.

“Mmmm, god….”

I’m suckin’ on one of her nipples and rollin’ the other between my fingers. She gasps as I nibble and tweak at the same time.

All the fuckin’ me and Vamp B did this past week, and it’s nothin’ compared to this. I wish it wasn’t just a Slayer dream, I wish it was real ‘cause then I wouldn’t have to give it up.

But B would’ve never done shit to land her in jail, so I gotta look at this like a blessing. Or some shit like that.

After switchin’ up and givin’ equal time to her other nipple, I have to rip myself away, and this time it’s me who wants to groan. Buffy’s breathin’ is pickin’ up as I kiss in between her tits, she can tell where I’m headed.

“Faith, wait…”

I stop kissin’ her, but I don’t take my lips off her skin: “Hmmm?”

“I’ve never…”

I pick my head up and look at her.

“Been with a girl before, I know. Don’t be scared, I’ll take it slow.” I bend my head back down to her body and start trailin’ kisses down her skin again. She threads her hands through my hair and gently lifts my head so she can look in my eyes.

“I mean…no one’s ever…you know…”

Whoa. “Never?”

She shakes her head.

Fuckin’ punks.

“I don’t know if it…” She looks frustrated, ‘cause she can’t think of the right words. “I don’t know what to do.”

I smile at her like she can’t be serious, “I gotta teach you how to roll your head from side to side and scream, ‘Oh yeah, Faith, right there, baby.’ over and over?”

She smiles then instantly glares at me, “Not funny, Faith.”

“Your mouth doesn’t think so, B.”

“Your mouth needs shutting, F.”

“Well, let me get to it then.” I wink at her and she rolls her eyes at me. Then I get serious, “Let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

She nods and I resume kissin’ my way down her body. I lick around her belly button and she laughs. It’s always been one of my sensitive spots too.

“Good to know,” She was about to laugh, but she gasps instead ‘cause I just licked right down to her pubic bone.

I’ve never really made love this way, never this slow, and sure as shit never called it makin’ love. Not like I’m a pussy expert, but I know what feels right, what’s turnin’ me on and what’s gonna make her scream the loudest.

Never gone down on a woman either.

When I get down to her pussy, I make myself all comfortable and breathe in. Damn that smells sweet. I lean in and take my first lick, just on the outside.

“Ohhh,” She whispers and her legs threaten to squeeze my head ‘til it pops. I pull her thighs apart and hold her legs open.

Her moans are makin’ me hot and I get bolder, “Keep your legs apart, okay?”

“Yes, yes, okay, yes.” She gasps.

I pull her pussy lips open and take a lick inside.

“Yes!” She yells. “Oh, yes!”

If I weren’t so turned on right now, I’d laugh. I see her clit peek out at me, almost like it’s wavin’ and I lick my hello.

“OH, FUCK YES, FAITH!”

Pretty sure you can’t lose your hearin’ in a Slayer dream, but shit, I think I might have.

Her hands grab onto my hair, and I don’t care that she’s pullin’ at it like it’s weeds fuckin’ up her precious garden. I’m lickin’ and suckin’ with a steady rhythm and every time I get to her clit, she pulls my hair harder and tears spring to my eyes, but I don’t let it slow me down.

Probably be bald by the time we’re through.

“Oh, Faith, right there, baby, yes!” I sneak a peek at her without takin’ my mouth off her snatch and it’s just like I said, she’s thrashin’ her head back and forth.

I concentrate just on her clit and swirl around it at the same time I’m slidin’ one of my fingers into her.

“More, please, more…”

I slide in another one and rub towards the area where her clit is.

OW!

“OH!”

I take my mouth off her, “B, hold onto the sheets, baby.” Fuck, she really did yank out some hair.

She does as she’s told and clutches at the sheets.

“I’m gonna…Faith…”

“Let it go…” I pull her clit back into my mouth and suck hard.

“Fuck!” She practically sits straight up and then falls back to the bed. Her hips are doin’ their best to try and buck me off, then they’re tryin’ to pop my head again.

Her clit’s disappeared and in its place is all her come pourin’ out, like fuckin’ honey from a comb.

After her body stops jerkin’ and her juices have stopped leakin’ out as fast as they were, and after she whines for me to stop or she’s gonna die, I kiss my way back up her body. Stoppin’ right at her face, I pull back, just lookin’ at her.

When she opens her eyes she throws her arms around me, crushin’ me down on her and kissin’ me like the Earth’s about to blow.

Didn’t think she’d want to kiss me after what I did to her, but I gotta admit, her kissin’ me like this, with her taste still on me? It’s fuckin’ turnin’ me on.

Like I wasn’t already “on” enough.

When we need air she breaks our kiss, but hugs me tighter to her, “Oh, fuck, what…uh…wow?”

I pull back and kiss her lips. She looks like she’s about to fall asleep, like Buffy, like Vamp B.

“Just…resting…”

“Yeah, I know. Look, if we wake up not…here…I just wanted to say - ‘I love you’ again.”

“I love you again, too.” She sighs.

That makes me smile. I lay down next to her and watch as she sleeps.

Fuckin’ freaks me out when she opens one eye, “You’re watching…”

“Yeah, I’m watchin’ you.”

“Cuddle…”

“Knew you’d be the cuddlin’ kind.” I laugh and gather her into my arms. She rests her head on my shoulder and soon she’s snorin’ all soft.

I close my eyes and Vamp B’s got a smug look on her face. “Should have had her ass too.”

My eyes immediately spring open.

What the fuck kinda fucked up shit is that? The Powers don’t have anything better to do than fuckin’ make it so if I fall asleep in a Slayer dream, its Vamp B I dream about?

Don’t need to fuckin’ sleep in here, I’ll just listen to her breathe.

I just lay back lookin’ up at her ceilin’ and listenin’ to the sounds of the house. Damned if it don’t sound like Dawnie and Mrs. S. are downstairs in the kitchen. Almost like I can smell a roast cookin’ too.

She burrows a little closer into me and kisses my shoulder, sighin’ a little sigh and makin’ me fall in love with her all over again.

Like a pussy. But at least it’s a happy pussy.

*****

When she finally wakes up, she starts smilin’ and it makes my heart feel fucked up.

“You’re still here.”

She leans in and kisses me. Sweet.

“Not goin’ nowhere.” I smile back at her after the kiss ends.

“I know…but…” She looks worried.

“I know, it can’t last, but while we’re here let’s just be here, ok?”

“There are things you should know…”

Here it is: the fuckin’ talking part.

“Faith, don’t be rude, you don’t want to be left in the dark, do you?”

“No, I don’t. Sorry.”

“Look, I don’t know why she did it, or how really, but Will…” She pulls the sheets around her, almost like she needs their protection. “We were helping Angel, in L.A. and she did a spell…It…it took away his soul.”

Holy fuck, no.

“How did…how?”

“I don’t know, but I know she didn’t do it on purpose.”

“But she lied to me…”

“When? What did she tell you?”

“She let me believe you and Angel fucked and that’s how he lost his soul.”

She gets a worried look on her face again. “No, I don’t know why, but no. I wouldn’t have…we couldn’t…Angelus is…”

“A fuckin’ monster, I know. He killed Spike?”

She nods her head.

“When?”

“I’d rather not say.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not proud of it.”

I laugh, “What? Were you havin’ like a threesome?”

Her face looks like I just told her I stepped on her cat and killed it.

“Fuck, whoa,” I shake my head to get the image out. Even though it’s not too bad of an image, she’d still slap me for havin’ it.

I catch her hand in mid air. Do I know her or what?

“I told you I’m not happy about it.”

“He dusted Spike after you guys did it?”

“Before we were finished.”

Things get quiet between us. I’m still tryin’ to process it all, tryin’ to be a big girl about it.

Fuck, it, not like I’ve never…let me not finish that thought.

“This happen in Mexico?”

“No, in L.A., the day after Willow did the spell.”

“But, wait, okay, so Angelus and Spike forced you to have sex? Or did Angelus turn you before that?”

“No, Angel didn’t turn me. Willow did.”

My heart goes stone cold.

And I find I’m back in the infirmary, with Vamp B ready to clamp down on my neck.

VIII

I struggle to push her head back from my neck, she’s growlin’ and I’m gruntin’. We must sound like a great pair.

I finally manage to flip myself onto my back and use my feet to push her over to her bed. She flops onto her back for a second, but then she’s up again and stalkin’ over to me. I get up and stand on the bed and keep her away by kickin’ out at her head. She manages to catch my foot and flip me down on the bed, and then she’s on top of me again.

All vamped out.

“What…the fuck…B?” I struggle to ask while keepin’ her from latchin’ on to me. She keeps growlin’ and tryin’ her best to wear me down.

I’ve had a fuckin’ ‘nough of this bullshit. I push her back and pop her in the face. Her nostrils flare and she licks the blood that’s runnin’ out of her nose.

Fuckin’ gross dude, but the look in her eyes is lusty and I know what she wants. Dunno if I’m gonna give it to her though. Just seems it would really be cheatin’ now.

“What do you mean, baby? You ate her pussy…I thought you were givin’ out freebies.”

I get back up into a position where I can pounce if I need to. “Pretty sure that means the opposite. What the fuck business is it of yours? ‘Sides, you had blood tonight, I thought you’d be good for a while.”

“I smelled yours all fucking day, you think that little bag of…” She makes a ‘whatever’ gesture with her hand and continues. “is gonna to do the trick? As if that wasn’t enough, I was forced to lay here and do nothing while you two fucked like rabbits.”

Her face goes back to normal and she looks hurt. She sits down and turns her head away. Kinda jumpy like a junky that’s in need of a fix.

I get down off my bed, but I keep a safe distance.

“So, what the fuck? You can’t ask? You gotta try to drain me in my sleep? What the fuck have we been doin’ all week?”

She looks at me like I just told her she was ugly.

“You gonna let me or are you gonna run your mouth all night?”

I sit down next to her and move my hair away from my neck.

She shakes her head a little, “Not from there.”

I know what she wants. She likes to drink from the area I first let her drink from. Near my pussy. I scoot back on the bed and lay down as she hovers over me like a fuckin’ jaguar gettin’ ready to eat its prey.

I pull her head up by her hair, and give her the same warnin’ I always give. She drains too much and I fuckin’ waste her.

She and I both know that the threat I give her every time we do this is a lie. ‘Cause I love her too much to do that now.

After she gets her fill, she laps at my pussy and I let her. She acts like she can’t get enough and when I come, I feel her lick at my clit bringin’ me down easy, not pullin’ any sneaky bullshit. It’s almost like she’s a carin’ lover. Kinda how I imagine the real Buffy would be if she ever did this to me.

I’m spent and she finally lifts herself off me. She crawls back up and flops down next to me…Damn, her face is throwin’ me.

I expected her to look smug, I didn’t expect her to look hurt.

“What’s the matter?” I ask when I finally get my breathin’ under control.

She flips over, facin’ away from me without another word.

This sounds crazy, but I think she might have feelings for me. Nah. She’s a fuckin’ soulless vamp, why would she care about me?

It feels awkward bein’ with her like this, after the lovin’ time I had with Buffy. I remember what B told me about Willow and I wonder if Vamp B’s got any insight on that.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” I try to go with soundin’ submissive, hopefully she’ll be nicer.

“You’re welcome, by the way.”

“What?”

“Usually when I make a girl come, they say thank you.”

I wanna laugh. I seriously wanna howl with fuckin’ laughter, but then she’d probably be able to end my life right now. I’d have such a fuckin’ stitch in my side, no way would I be able to fight her off.

When I feel like I won’t laugh if I open my mouth, I say, “Listen, I’m not…”

“Just ask your fucking question.” She says all bitchy.

“Hey, what the fuck do you think we’re doin’ here? You’re the one who fuckin’ feeds off me. I don’t ask you to eat my pussy, too.”

“I don’t hear you saying ‘no’.”

What can I say to that? Why do I let her do it? She doesn’t really need it. I mean, it looks like she jones’ for it, but it’s the blood she really needs.

“What’s goin’ on with you?” I ask.

She lets out a hurt sigh, “Nothing, okay? Drop it. Didn’t you have a question to ask?”

I don’t really wanna drop it. I reach out to her and touch her back, she shrugs me off and moves further away.

“Hey, look at me.”

“Hey, fuck you. I’m done; just go back to your own fucking bed now.”

“Are you cryin’?”

“What?” She laughs, but I can hear somethin’ that definitely sounds like tears in her voice. “You’re fucking crazy.”

I spend a few more minutes starin’ at her back, then I get up and go back to my own bed. But this time I don’t close my eyes.

And I don’t ask my question.

*****

Three days later we’re released back into GP. Vamp B’s burns are almost all gone, and I can walk. I use a cane because they gave it to me and because I don’t wanna explain how I can just walk like nothin’ happened after bein’ shot twice.

She still hasn’t really talked to me, and she feeds from my bicep. She won’t go near my pussy or my neck.

Shittiest part about the whole thing is she’s been hangin’ around Deb and her crew again.

When I saw her in the mess talkin’ and laughin’ with them, I wanted to fuckin’ throw up. I felt like one of those girls that’d been hangin’ with a popular boy over the summer, but now that they’re back at school he don’t wanna fuckin’ look at her.

What the fuck is my problem?

I take my seat in the mess hall and I see them talkin’ and whisperin’ like lovers. Vamp B catches my eye and looks at me like she did when she first got here. Like she’s gonna kill me, all with that fuckin’ smug smile on her face.

Someone from Sasha’s crew, Nellie, comes over and sits with me, and it gives me the distraction I need.

“Hey, sorry to hear you got shot, girl.”

“Yeah, twice.”

“Man, and you’re walkin’ around. You gonna hafta use that crip stick for long?”

“Not really, probably another week or so.”

“Fuck, that’s good to hear.”

She looks around at the people nearby, then at B and her group of fans who’re all laughin’ and carryin’ on.

“Hey, ain’t that your girl back there?”

“That’s…” I don’t wanna say “Deb’s girl”. I can’t without wantin’ to choke. “She’s her own girl. No one’s got rights to her.”

“She’s a fuckin’…whadda they call that? Enigma? Badass bitch wrapped up in a tight body, lookin’ like a fuckin’ Valley girl, yo. Don’t even wanna know shit about shit. Ya know?”

I laugh, “Yeah, ya hit the nail on the head with that one.”

“You fucked her good, though, man. I heard you two go at it all night. None of them other bitches she’s got can even come close to that.”

I look over at her table and Deb glares at me.

“It’s all bullshit anyway, none of it means anything.” I say, when I take my eyes off Deb.

We sit in silence for a little bit more, just eatin’. More of Sasha’s crew come up and take seats at the table.

“Hey, how is Sasha?” I didn’t see her when I was in the infirmary, figured she was in another wing.

They all look down at their trays, some of ‘em were in mid-bite and stopped. Fuck.

“They switch off the machine tomorrow. All her family’s been in to see her.” Nellie says, not keepin’ eye contact with me.

“They let any of you guys in to see her?” I ask after a while.

She nods, “Yeah, gave us five minutes each.”

Oh, I’m so fuckin’ pissed off at Wilma and her fuckin’ crew right now. I push my tray away from me and lean back on the bench. I’m lookin’ anywhere I can, I feel like fightin’ somethin’.

“Save it. Don’t fuckin’ start somethin’ now, Faith. Wilma’s crew gets out of solitary in three days.”

“Where’s Wilma?”

“She gets out tomorrow.”

I lick my lips and get up from the table.

“Let me know, I’d like to be there for the ‘welcome back party’.”

Nellie puts her hand out and I give it a short shake.

“You’re alright. Sasha was right about you, girl.” She gives me a smile and I wanna cry, but I manage to give her a smile back.

“Not so retarded after all, huh?”

“Fuck no, not at all.”

“See ya.”

“Word.”

That makes me smile as I pick up my tray and dump it in the bucket.

*****

“Lehane, you’re call is ready. You’ve got ten minutes.” The new lady guard says to me. I don’t even know her name yet. I wonder what happened to Candy, but I really don’t fuckin’ care. This one seems decent enough.

“Faith?”

“Willow, I’m so fuckin’ pissed at you right now.”

“Why?”

“I don’t even know where to fuckin’ begin.”

“Is this about the spell?”

“The ‘Protection from the Sun’ spell?”

“No, the ‘Not Having the Other Spell Ready Yet’ spell.”

“Look, just listen to me! Buffy told me some stuff I need answers to, and I don’t want any of your fuckin’ lies.”

“What did she say?” Will sounds scared.

“She told me YOU turned her Red. You a fuckin’ blood sucker too?”

“No!”

“Well what then?”

“Can I tell you the next time I visit? I’m kinda in the middle of something.”

“No, NOW!”

She sighs, “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, Faith. You have to believe that before you hear my story.”

“Keep goin’, I’m listenin’. And none of your babblin’, we don’t have time.”

“Did Buffy tell you we went to L.A. to help Angel with a demon that was killing people in droves?”

“Yeah, she told me ‘bout that.”

“I did a spell to try to contain the demon’s power and it…”

“Removed Angel’s soul.”

“A-and…”

It hits me.

“And Buffy’s.” I close my eyes.

“I don’t know how it happened, I had the spell contained. It was working, then…”

“Then you just ripped the souls outta everybody around you?”

“Buffy and Angel were fighting him when the spell hit.”

“Why’d you let me believe her and Angel fucked?”

“I didn’t say that! When did I say that?!”

She’s right, she never said that. I just assumed ‘cause she looked at Buffy when I asked how Angel lost his soul. Shit, I should’ve know better than that.

“What else don’t I know?”

“I’m almost done with the spell.”

“How can I trust you to do it? You know she was almost burned up the other day? We fuckin’ spent three days in the infirmary, I got shot in the ass tryin’ to keep her from burnin’ up, Red.”

“I’m sorry, Faith. I forgot.”

“Well, we can’t go out unless you redo it.”

“I’m on it. I can do it from here.”

“Can you do the other one from there?”

“I don’t know, I’ll try.”

“No ‘tries’, Red. Either you do it or you don’t.”

“Do or do not, there is no try.”

I can’t believe her.

“Cut it with the nerd shit, Willow. Just fuckin’ get it done.”

“I got it, Faith. I promise if I can’t do it remotely, Giles and I have a plan to do it from inside.”

“Well, let me know if you need me for anything.”

“I will. Thanks for everything you’re doing. I know it must be hard.”

“Nothing will be harder than explainin’ to me how this shit went wrong.”

“I…”

“Who turned her?”

“I don’t know exactly. My guess is Angelus, it wasn’t long after the spell went wrong that we saw her vamp out.”

“How long?”

“A day or so.”

“But she had no soul already?”

“It was the scariest thing.” I can almost hear her shudder. “Faith, I know I messed up…”

“You fucked up big time, Red.”

She starts to cry, “I know, and I’m trying to make things right. That’s why this spell is taking so long. I’m checking and rechecking every possible thing that could make it go wrong.”

“What happens if everything goes right?”

“She gets her soul back?”

“You askin’ me or tellin’ me, Willow?”

“I’m telling you?”

What the fuck?! It’s like talkin’ to one of those Abbot and Costello dudes.

“Why are you sayin’ everything like a question?

“I’m scared.” She’s still cryin’ a little.

“Look, what happens after she gets her soul back. She goes home?”

“I don’t know, I guess we’ll have to start working on getting her another trial.”

“Good luck with that.”

The guard stands by the phone.

“Thanks.” Willow says.

“Gotta go, Red.”

“I’ll keep in touch.”

“You do that.” I hang up the phone.

Wouldn’t wanna be her if she fucks this one up. She thinks Buffy’s bad without a soul?

Wait ‘til she gets a load of me.

*****

I go back to my cell and Vamp B’s got company.

“Get the fuck out, Deb.” I say.

“Hey, it’s a free fuckin’ country.”

“You serious?” I narrow my eyes at her. “In case you didn’t notice, this isn’t the fuckin’ Hilton.” I twirl my fingers around indicatin’ the bars.

Deb gets up and starts to make her way over. I can tell she was just gettin’ B off with her fingers, on my fuckin’ bunk. She pushes her sleeves up and I see some new ink on her arm.

“Whatcha got there, Deb? New tat?”

She smiles and looks down at it and then back at Buffy who blows her a kiss.

I look at it when she turns her arm towards me. It says, “Buffy” with a black heart drawn around it.

“That’s sweet.” I say, not really meanin’ it.

“What can I say, I’m a romantic.” She says as she cracks her knuckles.

“My baby is, isn’t she, Faith?”

“Fuckin’ regular Casanova.” I keep my eyes on Deb’s face. She smiles and shows all her bad teeth. “Are you guys done here? I’d like to get some rest.”

“Well, I was about to make her scream, but you fuckin’ interrupted.”

“We’ll go to the library, Deborah. But this time, keep it down.”

“I can’t help it, you bring out the screamer in me.”

The thought of her like that brings out the up-chucker in me.

Buffy gets up and pulls her pants on. Deb leaves the cell and waits just outside.

“I’d invite you, but I wouldn’t want to cut into your time with your precious baby.”

“I’d say yes, but I wouldn’t want to cut into your precious baby.”

“Jealous?”

“Just get the fuck out.”

“I’m thinking of getting her name tattooed on me.”

‘You do and I’ll burn it off myself,’ I think.

“Sweet.” I say instead.

She looks in my eyes and smiles that kinda smile that makes me wanna punch her face, and then slips out past me to take Deb’s arm.

After they leave, I look at my bunk all fucked up from their fuckin’ around. I sigh and climb up onto hers.

That little exchange messed me up good. I need to see Buffy more than ever, so I close my eyes and try to relax.

After about thirty minutes of nothin’ I bang my fist against the wall.

“Hey!” Someone in the next cell yells.

I mutter a sorry and jump down from the bunk.

Don’t know where I’m gonna go, but I don’t fuckin’ feel like hangin’ around here.

*****

Went out to the yard to fuckin’ do about a thousand pull ups, and I still feel fuckin’ wound up.

Eddie stops me before I go back in, “How you doin’?”

“Better than ever.” I shrug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have a choice.”

“I know. I guess I should thank you for not killin’ me.” I smile at him and he looks relieved.

“Warden’s not happy your friend’s back with Deb.”

“Can’t sit on her, Eddie.” He gives me a look that shows he’s not buyin’ that. “We’re kinda on the outs right now.”

“You saved her life. Why’d she be mad at that?”

“Because I don’t love her like she loves me.”

“Coulda fooled me.” He laughs.

“You got no idea.”

“You better get inside. Chow time.”

I spend the meal like I used to: with no one sayin’ shit to me. Sasha’s crew agreed to have dinner in their cells. They’re mega busted up about her machine gettin’ switched off. It’s still eatin’ away at me that fuckin’ Wilma will be walkin’ around here again tomorrow and Sasha’s gonna die.

For some reason, she didn’t get pinned with the beatin’. Just for startin’ it.

Deb and Vamp B are still thick as thieves. They take the table next to mine. Some random people sit down with me, no one I know too well. I can see Deb’s sportin’ a huge fuckin’ hickey.

I stop eatin’ and get up. I can tell B’s watchin’ me, but I don’t look at her. I just put my shit in the bucket and leave to go back to my cell.

“Lehane, Warden wants to see ya.”

I nod at the new guard. Found out her name was Cathy. She escorts me to see Phyllis.

“You wanted to see me, Phyllis?”

“Sit down, Faith. I wanted to see how you were.”

“Doin’ real well, thanks.”

“You look well.”

“Can’t complain.”

“Where’s your cane?”

“Turned it in to the Doc. Don’t really need it anymore.”

“You amaze me.” She smiles. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Got good genes, I guess.”

“Have you ever had a cold in your life?”

I shrug, “Few times when I was a kid.”

She shakes her head, “One day I’ll find out your secret.”

“Just eat right and exercise.”

“I do that every day, but I don’t think I could recover from two gunshot wounds as quickly as you did.”

I shrug again. What the fuck am I gonna say?

“You look troubled.”

“Nah, nothin’s wrong.”

“Deborah Williams and Buffy Summers are becoming friends again, I’ve noticed.”

“I know. I don’t wanna start trouble, so I been tryin’ to wait it out.”

“Well, I think there might be trouble before that happens. Any chance you can break things up?”

I wanna sigh. I mean, what the fuck else does she want from me? I’m already losin’ fuck loads of blood, my pride, two years worth of progress, the contents of my stomach every time I see Vamp B with that nasty cooze she hangs around with, all ‘cause she’s wearin’ my baby’s face.

That’s the other thing that’s botherin’ me. Somehow it feels like the real Buffy’s checked out, like I’m never gonna see her again. I know it’s only been a few days, but in the joint, that seems like a fuckin’ lifetime.

I realize Phyllis is waitin’ for an answer.

“I think there might be. I don’t know yet.”

“Just don’t resort to violence.”

“Not a problem.”

“There’s just one more thing…”

“Yes?”

“Sasha Alvarez, it doesn’t look like she’s going to make it. A few of her friends have already gone to see her. Did you want to go and say a few words?”

“I’d like that.” I say, with my heart in my throat. With all the shit that Vamp B’s been puttin’ me through, I forgot about Sasha still hangin’ on for one more day.

“Jerome will be expecting you. Officer Briggs will escort you down there.”

“Thanks, Phyllis.” I get up and stand in front of her desk.

“Thank you, Faith.”

Officer Briggs comes in and waits for me to go past him, then follows me to the infirmary.

“Lehane to see Alvarez,” He says to the guard on duty outside the door.

“Sign here.” I take the pen and sign the register. My fuckin’ hand is shakin’.

“Jerome will take you to her.”

I nod and keep my eyes straight ahead.

Jerome comes up and takes my elbow, walkin’ me to her bed.

There’re all these tubes and shit comin’ out of her. The machine that breathes for her is loud when it pushes air into her, then beeps every time it finishes givin’ her a breath.

She looks pretty peaceful. Jerome looks down at her with me for a few minutes, then backs away sayin’ he’ll be just outside the curtain.

Must be what I looked like right after I went into my coma.

I remember that I felt Buffy kiss me after I helped her in that Slayer dream. I had just touched her face sendin’ her back. I remember the feel of her skin on my hand.

I take Sasha’s hand in mine.

“Hey,” I rasp out and tears blur my vision. I clear my throat some before speakin’ again. “I’m not too good at sharin’ shit. ‘Specially my feelings. But I wanted to say that even in the short time we knew each other, you made a big impression on me, ya know?” I have to stop a minute to get a hold of myself. “You were on my side before you even really knew me, and not many people have been there like that. Most of ‘em end up dead, or with their souls ripped out. Or both.” I sigh. “You were right about me and Buffy, we got a long history, and most of it’s pretty rocky. Hopefully we’ll be able to work things out. If we don’t I might be seein’ you again real soon.” I manage to laugh.

I almost come out of my skin when Jerome pulls the curtain back and the Warden comes in behind him. I’m about to ask what the fuck is goin’ on here, when she gives him the signal to turn off the machine and take out Sasha’s tubes.

Fuck, I’m not ready for somethin’ like this.

“It’s ok, Faith. She’ll go quietly. I thought this way would be best.”

“Why me?” I ask without thinkin’.

“She was asking for you shortly after she was brought in here, but she quickly slipped into a coma from the bleeding in her brain. We thought you’d provide some comfort to her in her last moments.”

I hold Sasha’s hand in both of mine now and watch as she takes a couple of breaths on her own. They’re what the Docs call ‘labored breaths’. The rattlin’ I hear in her chest doesn’t give me any delusions that she’ll somehow just start breathin’ on her own, and eventually wake up like I did.

I kiss her hand and whisper, “You’re gettin’ out remember? You’ll be alright, just let go.” She takes one more breath and then that’s it.

She’s gone.

I never really knew her, but I meant every word I said. She’s what stopped me from stakin’ Vamp B when she first got here. She was a good influence, even though neither of us knew it.

I let out a shaky breath and feel the Warden’s hand on my shoulder.

“Thank you for being here, Faith.”

I nod and manage to say, “You’re welcome.”

“You may go back to your cell now. We’ll take care of her from here.”

A couple of other nurses come in and start takin’ some of the other tubes out of her arms.

Officer Briggs comes back and escorts me back to my cell.

Vamp B’s not here, and I’m relieved.

I crawl onto my fresh bunk. I changed the sheets before I went to dinner.

B comes in laughin’ and immediately stops when she sees I’m here. I look over at her.

“See you tomorrow, baby.” She calls out and I hear Deb say she loves her. “I love you, too.” She says lookin’ into my eyes.

I just look away.

“See? I can feel love. I can even be loving.”

When I don’t say anything to her, she huffs and jumps up to her bunk.

Her clothes fall over the side and I know what she’s about to do.

I sigh before askin’, “You need anything?”

“I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

“I know that, you’re a real big girl. Usin’ big words and all, like ‘love’. What I asked was if you needed anything.”

“Why so generous?”

“Look, I asked you, if you don’t need anything just say ‘no’.”

“You’re such a bitch!”

“Heard that one from your sister already. You Summers girls need new material.”

We spend what seems like an hour in a strained silence. At least it’s strained on my part. Frustrated on Vamp B’s part ‘cause she’s been rubbin’ the fuck out of herself, but she just can’t come.

She finally gives herself a break and stops.

“Not that you care, or nothin’ but my friend Sasha died tonight.”

“She’s the one you introduced me to in the yard?”

I’m surprised she even answered me.

“Yeah.”

“That big bitch with the curly red hair jumped her in the cafeteria right?”

“Yeah.”

“What was her name? Flintstone?”

“Wilma.”

“Right.”

A few more minutes goes by before she asks, “What happened to her?”

“Who?”

“Big Red.”

“She’s in the hole. Gets out tomorrow.”

A long silence stretches out before she starts to rubbin’ herself again. After what’s probably about ten minutes, she growls out and then sighs. She didn’t come again.

“That offer still stand?” She asks finally.

“Yeah.”

She hops down and lies on top of me. She starts to lean in for a kiss and then stops herself ‘cause she knows I usually don’t let her do that. I cup the back of her head and bring her mouth to mine.

She might not be my Buffy, but she’ll fuckin’ do for now.

When she kisses down my body, I pull her back up and position her over my face. I keep her there for a second and I can hear her excitement ‘cause she knows what I’m about to do.

“You wash up after you were with Deb?”

“Yessss…scrubbed and scrubbed.”

“You love that stupid bitch?”

“No!”

I pull her to me and let her sit on my face.

I have her comin’ in about two minutes flat, and the women in the cells around us are whoopin’ and catcallin’. Someone says they’re owed two packs of cigarettes and the other women just laugh and carry on.

“They’re back in business!” Someone yells.

“Fuck, yeah. That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!” Yells out another person.

Damn, I didn’t know we were that popular.

Should probably charge for the entertainment.

After we wear each other out for a couple of hours, she rolls off me and faces the wall. I stare at her back and listen for the snores. I know she’ll be out in another minute or two.

I pull the covers up over us and drape my arm around her, pullin’ her back into me.

I whisper cruelly into her ear, “I do love you, ya fuckin’ bitch. If you ever fuck with my head like that again, or get that bitch’s name tattooed on your ass, I’ll fuckin’ kill you.”

“Love you too, baby.” She spits back over her shoulder at me and pulls me in closer.

I know she’s probably gonna end up breakin’ my heart or killin’ me, but it seems like I can’t help this shit any more than I can help breathin’. ‘Sides I promised Phyllis I’d break ‘em up.

And I’m doin’ it ‘cause it feels like she’s all I got right now and I wanna hold onto somethin’…at least for a little while.

*****

When I wake up, Vamp B’s already up and dressed. She’s just pullin’ on her shoes when I open my eyes.

“You got somewhere to be?” I ask.

“Things to do.” She says all cagey.

“Places to go, people to do, huh?”

I almost feel bad I said that when she looks at me.

“I said I have some business to take care of, okay? You want me to wear a leash, now?”

“Collar wouldn’t be a bad thing, then I wouldn’t have to pull you by your hair when you drink from me.”

Her eyes narrow at me even more and her tongue licks out at her bottom lip. She’s hungry, and I don’t know why the fuck she’s not comin’ back to bed and gettin’ some of this Slayer blood. She hasn’t had it in a few days.

“Why don’t you write to Willow for that? I’m going to see a friend.”

“You remember what I said, yeah?”

“Fuck you.”

I let my legs fall open a little and the sheet slides off givin’ her a good look at my snatch. Her eyes widen and she looks like she’s thinkin’ about pouncin’.

“Yeah, fuck me.” I smile sweetly.

The doors buzz open and she turns around and rushes out.

I sigh before gettin’ up and gettin’ dressed in record time.

I see down the cellblock and Buffy rushes past Deb even though she’s calling out to her. B’s runnin’ on auto pilot and doesn’t even hear her.

A breath I didn’t even know I was holdin’ pushes slowly past my lips.

*****

Haven’t seen Vamp B since this mornin’.

I pulled kitchen duty and I’m currently loadin’ the dishwasher while Onetta’s talkin’ to me.

“He didn’t mean anything by it, baby. He was sick the whole time you were in surgery. When they said you pulled out of it fine, I saw the biggest look of relief on his face since that one time I told him I got my period before we were married. My Daddy would have killed him.”

“I know, Ms. O. I told him he shouldn’t worry about it. I know he was just doin’ his job.”

She stops peelin’ the carrot she was holdin’ and points it at me, “Ya see, you’re good people.” She smiles at me. “He shoots you in the ass, and you’re in here helpin’ me with the dishes.”

I laugh out loud at that.

Vamp B comes rushin’ in and looks back out at the door.

“What’s the matter, honey?” Onetta asks.

I look at her face, and fuck if she doesn’t look like she just had a big fuckin’ buffet. She also looks like she almost got caught.

Some guards go runnin’ past the door and I go and look out the window. Some shit’s goin’ down near one of the cells.

I hear someone screamin’, “She’s dead! She’s fuckin’ dead!”

Then the signal for lockdown goes off, Onetta gets off her stool and opens the door to let Eddie in.

“Stay tight, okay, baby?”

“I got Faith and her girl with me, I’ll be fine. You look out, ya hear?”

“I will,” They kiss and he runs back out in the direction of all the commotion.

After about a half an hour we see Wilma bein’ wheeled past the window, on her way to the infirmary. Eddie comes back into the kitchen.

“Was that that big redheaded woman?” Onetta asks.

“Wilma, yeah.”

“What happened?”

“Don’t know yet. Looks like someone stabbed her in the leg with one of them…whatcha call it? Fondue forks. You got one of those in here, baby?”

“Yeah. Right next to the Lobster claw crackers.” She points over to a cabinet.

“You got those in here?” He goes to look.

“Fool, please! My Daddy said you wasn’t all the way there.”

He laughs and they start crackin’ on each other. I look over at the 5’2” fondue fork that’s standin’ at the counter lookin’ out the window.

Another guard comes in and announces everything’s clear, we can go back to our cells now.

I ask Onetta if she’s all good in here.

“I’m fine, baby. Thanks for the help, saved me a mountain of time.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Buffy, you okay?” She asks.

“Never better,” She says with a smirk. If I didn’t already know it, her smile says she drained Wilma. Not that it’s all bloody or nothin’, but she gets a certain look when she’s had blood.

“See ya, Eddie.” I say, and take Buffy’s hand.

“Bye, Faith.” He nods at B. “Buffy.”

“Bye.”

When we’re back in our cell she just climbs up on her bunk, I climb right on up behind her.

“As much as I love a fight, I don’t really wanna fight with you right now, Faith.”

“I just wanted to say, thanks.” I give her a kiss on the side of the face.

Not kissin’ her mouth until I know she’s brushed.

I jump back down to my bunk and lay on it with my hands behind my head.

Wherever Sasha is, she’s gotta be laughin’ her ass off big time. Wilma got hers good.

IX

My eyes fly open a split second before I hear the buzzer sound. We fuckin’ can’t have overslept.

“Prisoner 438339, stay where you are!” A guard yells at Buffy.

“C’mon Lehane, you get up.”

Thank fuck we weren’t together last night, I don’t have to scramble for my clothes in front of these muscle bound pricks.

“Where am I goin’?” I ask. I hope it’s not to the hole.

“Nowhere, just stand right outside your cell. This doesn’t concern you.”

They want B. Fuck, someone must’ve seen her go into Wilma’s cell.

“What’s goin’ on?” I ask.

“Just stand outside and wait.”

“Prisoner 438339, get down off your bunk. Slowly.” He commands.

I can see Vamp Buffy sit up, she looks all kindsa groggy and fuck…she’s naked. Just wearin’ a smirk on her face when she sees the guards.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit officers?”

“Don’t make any sudden moves or you’re dead!”

Vamp B laughs at that. Makes me kinda grin too, but I’m scared for her, and I feel like I’m gonna be in trouble for not watchin’ her closer yesterday.

“Come down from the bunk slowly.”

The new chick officer is standin’ next to me, she’s not really makin’ eye contact. I can see she’s got rubber gloves on.

“Are you gonna let me get dressed or do you boys prefer me like this?” Fuck, she sounds sexy!

“Just get off the bunk!”

She sighs and rubs her eyes, and then runs a hand through her hair. If these fuckers try anything, well…fuck…I don’t know what I’d do. Somehow I don’t think they’re gonna try anything, Phyllis don’t run that kinda joint. If they were hired by the last Warden, then you better believe I’d be in there fightin’ ‘em right now.

“We’re ready for you, Cathy.” One of the guards says when Vamp B finally gets off the bunk. Eddie stands next to me, guardin’.

Cathy goes in and stands behind Buffy who was told to put her tank on.

“Bend over please.” Cathy says, all business like.

“Ooh, I like it this way.” Vamp B smiles and winks at me before bendin’ over.

Damn, they’re doin’ a full cavity search on her. I hope they’re not gonna hafta do me next. I’ve only had that happen once and it wasn’t my idea of a good time.

Eddie’s standin’ in front of the cell, with his back turned, not even glancin’ at what’s goin’ on, but the other two fucknuts are watchin’. If they fuckin’ say anything, I’m findin’ a way to kick ‘em in the balls.

As I’m watchin’, Vamp B lifts her head like she’s in one of those commercials for shampoo or somethin’. Whippin’ it back out of her face and fixin’ a fuckin’ sexy look at me.

She licks her top lip and looks into my eyes and it makes my pussy clench.

How the fuck does she make a full body cavity search sexy?

“Mmmm, I haven’t had anything in there in a couple of months, but don’t worry, I like it rough.” She says to Cathy, but she hasn’t taken her eyes off me.

“Keep quiet, Summers.”

After a few more seconds Cathy says she’s done and she takes off the glove. Buffy asks if she can take a piss and the male guards get out of the cell.

She’s sits on the bowl still watchin’ me as she lets go of what’s in her bladder. Again, I question whether that shit should be turnin’ me on right now.

Cathy comes out with the bag she put the gloves in and says to Eddie that Vamp B’s clean. He nods his head and finally looks at me. The other guards leave after tellin’ B she can get dressed.

“What’s up, Eddie?”

“Another tip. Guess it didn’t pan out.”

“Nah, you guys are O for two. Got any other tips I should know about?”

“Nope, we’re all good here. Case closed.”

I let out a small laugh, “You’re not the one that has to go back into that cell.”

“She gonna get violent?” He asks, with a nod back towards her.

“Not if she wants to keep her face like it is.”

“Don’t get into it with her. If she does, you just call us, we’ll handle it. Warden says a lot of good things about you, probably won’t be much longer you’ll be out of here.” He whispers.

“Yeah, that’ll happen.”

He narrows his eyes at me. Guess he doesn’t like when I get down on myself.

He doesn’t do anything but give me a look and then tells me I’m free to go back into my cell.

Buffy half smiles at Cathy, “You’ve got a nice touch. Call me.” She gives her a wink and Cathy just shakes her head. Then Eddie and her leave once I’m back in and the cell door is closed.

She’s still sittin’ on the toilet and I sit across from her on my bunk.

We’re just starin’ at each other.

Finally after a while I ask, “You really kill her?”

She shrugs and uses toilet paper to wipe, never takin’ her eyes off me.

I don’t know if I wanna know. I know she must’ve drained her good, but I don’t want her to get in trouble for it, and once she gets a soul back who knows how she’ll feel about what she did.

“You okay?” I ask, wonderin’ if she’s bothered by the strip search like I was when it happened to me.

“Just another day in the pen, right?”

She gets up from the bowl and slinks in front of me then straddles my lap. We share a hungry kiss, but the buzzer sounds for the doors to open and guards are yellin’ for everyone to line up to get to the showers.

We break our kiss and she leans her forehead on mine.

“Are you angry with me?” She asks, I can hear the neediness in her voice.

“Does it seem like I am?”

She pulls back and looks into my eyes and then smiles. She doesn’t say another word as she gets off me to get dressed and goes to line up outside.

I sigh and push my horniness to the back of my mind as I get the rest of my shit on and go join them.

Still kinda bugs me that I haven’t seen Dream B in a while.

*****

After our showers and breakfast, which we spent apart, we’re allowed to go to our laundry job together. Turns out they had more questions for Vamp B, so they took her while the rest of us went to eat. She must’ve handled ‘em fine, ‘cause she’s not in the hole.

She’s in one of those moods though, not really mad or nothin’, but not talkin’ to me either.

I keep my guard up ‘cause I don’t know what she’s gonna pull.

“Do I put the whole box in?” She asks, and I’m startled out of my thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, no. Fuck no. We’d be pushed out the door by all the bubbles.” She looks at me kinda annoyed. Like one of those cheerleader types bein’ told she has to carry her own pom poms. “Here, two of these.” I hold the scoop out to her.

She says somethin’ and I don’t quite hear it, so I move in closer and ask what she said.

“I said you’re about to get your period.” She says quietly, not lookin’ at me.

I don’t know whether to be grossed out or touched by that. Man, I’m turnin’ into a real pussy here, scared and lovestruck.

“Do I wanna know how you know that?”

“I could tell the other night, just thought you might want to know.” She says as she’s dumpin’ the detergent into the machine.

Shit man, I don’t know why she’s even lettin’ me know this. Unless she wants somethin’ out of it, and I can’t even think of about that, ‘cause I’ve always thought it was the fuckin’ grossest thing ever when I’d see it in one of those fetish mags.

But she’s makin’ me think all kindsa different now. Makes me wonder what’s gonna happen when she gets her soul back.

It’s somethin’ I’ve been thinkin’ of for the past few days now. Even though I try not to, I still do it. So I try and tell myself that whatever happens, I’ll just go back to doin’ what I was doin’. But it’s still gnawin’ at me.

The door opens and another prisoner comes in. Nice. It’s Deb.

She looks at me like I stole her candy. Heh. I guess I did.

Buffy gives her a warm smile, “Hi, Deborah.”

“What the fuck was all that about yesterday?”

“What?”

“You ignornin’ me.”

“I did? When?” Vamp B’s still puttin’ on the innocent routine.

“When I called your name about three hundred times.” Deb shoots back and some of the women around her laugh.

“Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t remember.” Buffy’s still got her sweet smile on.

“You gonna make it up to me?” Deb stands there like she’s waitin’ for somethin’. I wanna be the one to give it to her: A nice fuckin’ kick to the face.

“Not right here, Deborah.” Buffy looks around at the other women. “There are people around.”

“Didn’t stop you those other times.”

I close my eyes and pretend I didn’t just hear that.

“How about we just get this fuckin’ job done,” I say, finally. “Unless you wanna pull hole time. Hole.”

Deb takes Buffy’s hands and pulls her closer.

“What the fuck is with you and this fuckin’ goody two shoes retard?” She asks and then tries to pull Buffy in for a kiss. “I’ll bet she’s a fuckin’ retarded lay, too.”

Buffy surprises the fuck outta everyone by liftin’ Deb off her fuckin’ feet so fast, her shoes stay on the ground.

“Oh, fuck! She lifted that bitch right outta her shoes!” One of the women yells and the other women laugh.

“What did you call her, Deborah?” Buffy asks, as cool as a fuckin’ frozen cucumber. She sounds like she’s speakin’ to a pet or somethin’.

Deb’s fuckin’ chokin’, tryin’ to get Buffy’s fingers from around her neck.

“I didn’t quite catch that…what was it?”

Deb’s gruntin’ and her face is turnin’ purple. I’m about to step in and stop Vamp B when she let’s Deb stand back on her feet, but she’s still got her hand around her neck. Deb’s able to breathe though, ‘cause her face is lookin’ more reddish-pink than purple.

“What was that, Deborah?”

“I said,” She takes a breath and then spits out, “She’s a fuckin’ retard.”

Such balls, this bitch.

“Well, that ‘fucking retard’ can make me come until my head feels like it’s gonna pop off. She makes me feel alive again, something I haven’t felt in a long time.” She gives that dangerous laugh. “Believe me.”

Damn, I’m fuckin’ stunned by that.

Buffy pushes her back disgustedly and Deb falls onto a machine, tryin’ to get a breath. After she’s able to move she calls for a guard. I’m thinkin’ B’s done for when the guard comes, but Deb just asks to go back to the job she was doin’ before she came here.

I wonder who the fuck she’s got in her pocket, ‘cause we’re usually not supposed to be able to switch jobs in the middle of ‘em.

The guard says she’ll hafta get the Warden’s approval and Deb tells her to fuck off. A second later she’s hauled out and taken fuck knows where.

“Head’s gonna pop off, huh?” The woman who said that thing about Deb bein’ lifted outta her shoes, asks Buffy. “Hey baby, tell me how a little slip of a thing like you picked that big bitch up?”

“I eats me spinach.” Vamp B says, with no emotion in her voice.

“Fuck, girl!” She laughs. “You could eat fuckin’ Popeye the Sailor man from what I saw. Bone and all!” Her friends laugh with her.

Vamp B looks over at me and her eyes flash from the thought of eatin’ someone. Or from thinkin’ about comin’ for hours. I don’t fuckin’ know anymore. Whichever it is, she looks like she’s about to fuckin’ jump me.

The woman picks up on this and comes closer to me, “Hey, um, you guys, wanna…you know…we won’t tell no one. Just so long as we get to watch.”

I laugh, “Nah, that won’t be necessary. My girl over here is shy.”

“I respect that, I respect that. My bad.” She palms her chest. “My bad, playa.”

“We’re cool.” I say and hold out my hand to shake. She takes it and tells me her name’s Rico.

We all go back to finishin’ up the wash. Buffy hasn’t looked at me since she was sizin’ me up as her next meal and I don’t wanna irritate her.

When we get in line somethin’ in me just feels like tellin’ her thanks, so I whisper it to her. She doesn’t let on that she heard me, but I know she had to.

We get through lunch without any other major incidents and Deb’s nowhere to be found. Can’t say I’m unhappy about that shit. Best way to deal with posin’ and posturin’ sometimes is to just not be where those people are, and I think Deb gets that now.

After lunch, they give us the bad news. It’s rainin’ out so we can’t go to the yard. A lot of people groan, but I think Vamp B’s a little relieved at that. Even though we know Will re-did the spell, I think she’s a little worried about gettin’ burned up. I wonder if I should be feelin’ sorry for a fuckin’ murderous vamp, but it’s gettin’ harder and harder to think of her like that.

The line’s gettin’ blurry, that’s for fuckin’ true.

I don’t know what to make of Vamp B half the time, she’s not really talkin’ to me but then other times it looks like she’s checkin’ me out. I just go with the flow and get ready to do what I need to; whatever that is at the time. ‘Cause really, you never know what’s gonna fuckin’ happen.

After fuckin’ around here and there for most of the day, we’re finally let back into our cells before lights out. I start strippin’ for bed. I can feel something’s about to happen, but I don’t let on. I feel like makin’ her work for it even though I want her to fuckin’ just take me.

She comes up behind me and stands as close as she can without bein’ inside me. Fuck, it feels great to have her arms around me. I try to turn around but she doesn’t let me, she pushes me towards the wall. When I don’t go fast enough, she shoves me into it.

I don’t say shit, don’t do shit, just let her do it all.

“You want me?” She whispers into my ear.

“Yes.” I rasp out, my voice is shakin’ I want her so bad.

“What?”

“Yes!”

She reaches around and palms my breasts. My nipples are so hard they hurt, but it’s fuckin’ makin’ me so hot. Everything’s makin’ me hot.

“Did you hear what I said to Deborah today?”

“Y-yes.”

“Did you like it?” Her fingers are pinchin’ my nipples.

“Yes!”

She nips at my shoulder and I fuckin’ get wetter. I’m addicted.

“I’m glad,” She pulls me back into her, then pushes me over to my bunk. The cell door’s not even shut yet, they haven’t called for lights out, and she’s fuckin’ pushin’ me face down on the bed and rippin’ the rest of my clothes off.

“Lights out!” A guard passin’ by yells.

The cell door slams and Vamp B strips down and presses into my back. Her skin feels cool, but not like a dead person, I’m still amazed at how good she feels.

“You’re so hot, Faith. You know that?”

“Why-why don’t you tell me?”

She growls and kisses at my back as her hand snakes down the front of my body. She doesn’t waste any time goin’ for the gold.

“It’s like liquid heat…” She groans.

Burn, baby, burn.

She gathers some of my wetness with her fingers and moves it around back. I feel her fingers push at my ass. Oh fuck, I don’t know if…

Holy fuck! I just closed my eyes and Buffy was there. Buffy Buffy. She’s naked and pressin’ into me from the front. She’s takin’ over rubbin’ my pussy.

I open my eyes and Vamp B’s still pushin’ her fingers into me from behind. I gasp and close my eyes again…B’s there kissin’ me.

It’s like my ultimate fuckin’ fantasy. All I can think of is “Holy Shit!” I might have a heart attack here.

Vamp B kisses my earlobe and I fuckin’ feel like comin’ already. She’s massagin’ somethin’ that I didn’t even know was there and when I close my eyes, the sensation of Buffy’s fingers massagin’ my clit are addin’ to the unbelievable pleasure that’s buildin’ in me.

I open my eyes and feel Vamp B lickin’ my neck. I know if she bit down and drained me dry, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

“I don’t want to take that from you, Faith.” She whispers and I feel like laughin’, cryin’ and howlin’ with pleasure, all at the same time.

I close my eyes and Buffy’s whisperin’ that she loves me.

“Where were you?” I gasp out.

“I’m always with you.” She moans.

When I open my eyes she’s still there, and Vamp B’s still behind me. They’re both workin’ their fingers in and outta me, one kissin’ my neck and the other kissin’ my mouth. I close my eyes and it’s the same.

Buffy pushes another finger into me and rubs at my clit with her thumb. Vamp B’s workin’ another one of her fingers into my ass. Never thought I’d do somethin’ like this with Buffy, but it’s happenin’ and it’s about to make me come like a fuckin’ volcano.

I turn my head to the side a little and Vamp B licks at my lips and Dream Buffy’s nippin’ at my neck. I push my hand in between us and touch her clit. She squeals and Vamp B grinds harder on my ass. I wonder if she can feel it when I touch B.

I just go with what I wanna do and I push two of my fingers into Buffy. Vamp B moans and I think I have my answer.

I start fuckin’ her slow, but Vamp B asks for it faster. Dream Buffy doesn’t seem to mind that I’m pickin’ up the pace. I use my left arm to pull Vamp B closer, and then Buffy’s pushin’ in closer too. I can’t even tell who’s who anymore, the pleasure is too much. We’re blurrin’ together like a sweaty pile of Vamp/Slayers.

When Vamp B bites down on my neck and draws a little blood, me and B cry out and come together. Vamp B lifts her head a split second later and shouts her pleasure into the dream room we’re in.

When we come down a little, we’re all still grindin’ on each other, buildin’ up to another orgasm. This one’s not as massive but it still makes us scream and shout like we’re a girl group tryin’ for perfect harmony.

Finally we’re done and no one’s about to move from the position we’re in. As a half joke, I try and get B to kiss Vamp B, but neither of them are fuckin’ havin’ it.

Oh well, gotta say I tried.

All too soon, Dream B slips outta the bed and I call to her.

“Where’re ya goin’?”

“You’ll be ok now.”

“Fuck, I knew you were leavin’ me.” I say, disappointed.

“I told you I’ll always be with you.” She comes back and kneels down in front of me lookin’ deep into my eyes. “You’re my brown eyed girl.” She smiles and my puzzled look makes her explain herself. “Every time I heard that song I’d think of you. I didn’t know why until I looked into your eyes. I could see the love you had in them for me.”

“I did love you. I do love you.” I think I’ve told her this before, but I want to make it perfectly clear now.

She leans in and says, “I love you, too.” Then she kisses me. I can feel Vamp B place a kiss on the back of my head. When we finish, B goes to get up but then leans in and kisses Vamp B on the mouth.

Holy fuck, that was hot!

I’m glad my peripheral vision’s fuckin’ super powered! I could come from just watchin’ that.

When I open my eyes again Buffy’s gone and Vamp B’s behind me grindin’. She’s already taken her fingers out of me, but she’s just drawin’ out the sensations we’re both still feelin’.

“You liked that?” She asks before nibblin’ my ear lobe.

“Liked? No. I fuckin’ LOVED.”

“It was pretty hot, wasn’t it?”

“Fuck, girl, it was smokin’.” She finally lets me turn over to face her and I push her down on her back. I hover over her. “Brown eyed girl, huh?”

She nods her head quickly and smiles. Fuckin’ Bonafide B is in there, she’s comin’ out more and more. I let my weight fall on her and we share a hot, wet, needy kiss. I feel like she’s got the fuckin’ stuff I need to live right there in her mouth and I’ll never be able to get enough.

Finally, we break apart and I roll over beside her. I go to put my hand through my hair and I catch a whiff of B’s scent on my fingers. I put them to my nose and close my eyes. I expect to see her smilin’ at me, or at least wrinklin’ her nose and makin’ her ‘oogy’ face. I’m a little disappointed, but when I open my eyes, Vamp B’s there smilin’ and it makes me smile.

“That’s sweet, isn’t it?”

“The fuckin’ sweetest.”

She rolls over and drapes her leg over mine, makin’ herself comfortable.

I can hear some of the women talkin’ to each other in the cells around us. They really get off on this shit.

I don’t blame ‘em.

One says, “You hear that shit, Rico?”

“Yeah, I heard it.” Rico must be one of my neighbors.

“Fuckin’ sounded like there were twelve people in there. That bitch got it goin’ on!”

“Fuck, they both do. Hot ass bitches!” Someone else says.

Then someone whispers, “Hey, don’t stop on our account. You can keep goin’, we won’t tell anyone.”

That makes me and the rest of C-block laugh.

It looks like Vamp B’s kinda tuckered out, but she lifts her eyes to mine and squints one at me.

“You had a question the other day…”

I narrow my eyes at her, “When?”

“When we were in the infirmary.”

Oh fuck, yeah. That. That was about her bein’ made into a vamp by Willow, but I got that part all straightened out.

“It’s nothin’.”

“Faith, ask. You never know how I’ll feel tomorrow, I might not even want to look at you. So ask.” She puts her head on my shoulder and I gotta give her props. Least she’s honest about bein’ a bitch.

“How exactly did you get turned?”

She sighs and goes to pull away from me, I keep her in tight.

“Did Willow tell you about the spell?”

“Yeah.”

“We…Angelus was a sick bastard. Don’t ever forget that.”

“He turned you that night?”

I can feel her nod. She’s quiet for a while then says, “At first I loved it, then I wanted to kill him.”

“Why? I thought you’d love bein’ with him again.”

She laughs. “You really don’t get it do you?”

“I guess not.” I kinda feel like I took the short bus to prison when it comes to this shit. “Maybe you have to talk in somethin’ a little less cryptic, Textbook.”

That gets a small laugh outta her. Good, glad to see she’s got a sense of humor.

“He was all about the fucking, and the him.”

“Look don’t get pissed at this…aren’t you all about the fuckin’?”

She thinks for what seems to me like a decade, then looks at me and says, “But it’s about fucking you. I thought maybe you’d see that, guess I was wrong.”

She goes to pull away again, and again I pull her into me.

“So: Stella, Little Red, Deb…they were all about me?”

“I wanted to make you jealous enough to hurt me.”

“Why?”

“Faith!” She rolls her head back, clearly gettin’ frustrated with me. “I’m a soulless vampire, why do you ask questions like that?”

Guess she’s right.

Awww, she fucked ‘em out of love for me. It makes me somehow…well still makes my skin crawl, but at least I know in the end it was for a good cause.

“You really have a threesome with Angelus and Spike?” I don’t know why I torture myself with these questions, but I can’t seem to help it.

“You really wanna know about that?”

“Well, no, but did you kill Spike then?”

“I didn’t, Angelus did.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t make him come.”

Oh mother fuck.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love all kindsa love and sometimes two guys can be hot. But Spike?! He fuckin’ looks like he smells, dude.

“Can I get some sleep or do you want to have more of a heart to heart about Angelus and Spike?”

“No, I’m good.” I shudder.

“Good.” She leans back into me and lays her head down.

Fuckin’ cold blooded killer in my arms and all I wanna do is stay here. How fucked up is that? I think I’m regressin’.

My counselor’s not gonna be happy.

X

When I wake up the next mornin’ she’s sprawled on top of me. I don’t wanna move her, but I gotta piss like a race horse.

She groans when I finally push her off to the side and slip over her to get to the bowl.

“Mmmm, are you into water sports?” She purrs out.

I almost choke on my own spit. She’s a fuckin’ minx!

“Never done anything kinkier than used a whip. How ‘bout you?”

She rolls over and looks at me, proppin’ her head up with her hand.

I think she was about to reveal somethin’ about her time in Mexico, but she must think twice about it ‘cause her face goes kinda serious and she flops back down on the bed.

“What?” I ask, knowin’ I might get my ass handed to me.

“You don’t want to hear it.”

“Okay.” I shrug, and get off the bowl after wipin’ myself. I don’t go back onto my bunk. After pullin’ on some underwear and a tank, I climb up on hers and lay there. I think about last night and the fuckin’ mind blowin’ threesome we had. Fuck, that was just so awesome.

After a few minutes I see her head pop up.

“What are you doing up there?”

“Thought I’d give you some space.”

She climbs up and gets on top of me, pinnin’ my arms above my head.

“If I wanted space, I’d have asked you for it.”

I look into her eyes and see the heat, but my internal clock knows that the buzzer’s about to go off for the doors to open and for us to line up to shower.

Sure enough when she goes to grab a kiss, the buzzer sounds and she growls.

“I wanted a taste…” She groans.

“Of blood?” I quirk my eyebrow. “Or pussy?” I whisper.

“There’s a difference now?” Her nostrils flare and whispers back, “I told you, you were about to get it.”

I push her off and jump off the bunk. Sure enough, when I pull down my underwear there are a couple spots of blood.

I sigh and go get a tampon out of my supply cubby and put it in.

She sits up and gets ready to jump down.

“Oh well,” She sighs. “Maybe later.” I get a slap to the ass as she walks past to slip on her clothes.

‘Maybe’. Yeah right.

*****

She made it until after lunch, then jumped me while we were on our way back to our cell. I barely got her into it before she pulled down my pants.

I kinda cringed when she went down on me, but she looked like she was in fuckin’ heaven so I didn’t wanna mess with her happiness. Plus, I thought if I did she might kill me.

I wouldn’t kiss her afterwards though, and she didn’t press it.

When they call us for our job duties, she sits up on the edge of the bed with her back to me. I put my hand on her and she sighs.

She turns back slightly so I see the side of her face and I think she’s gonna say somethin’, but she just gets up and dresses. Then leaves without me.

Damn, I just realized what bein’ with me must’ve been like for people.

Heh.

*****

“You’re looking well, Faith.” Brian says. We’re at our bi-weekly counselin’ session. I used to go daily, then every other day, then weekly, and now every two weeks. That’s how much progress I’ve made in the last two years.

“Can’t complain.” I shrug. A smile breaks out on my face and he gets that look that people get when they wanna be let in on the secret.

“What’s going on?”

“Nah, nothin’.” I stop myself from smilin’.

He gives me that look that says we’re not leavin’ here until I tell him.

“Don’t wanna spoil it.” I try to keep the grin from poppin’ back on my face, but it’s hard.

Things have been goin’ really well for the past two weeks. Vamp B’s been good when she can. She only gets mean when she hasn’t had blood, but I feel the same way when I haven’t had anything to eat, so I totally sympathize.

“I take it your new cell mate has something to do with that smile you keep trying to hide?”

“Let’s just say, things have been good.”

I’m not tellin’ him anythin’ about our sex life. He’s probably already heard it anyway through the grapevine.

He looks at his notebook.

“So the last time we were here, you’d just had an incident where you attacked Officer Rhodes. Since then however, you’ve saved one person from receiving horrible burns and another from killing herself.”

He looks at me like he’s waitin’ for me to say somethin’.

“Sounds familiar.”

Brian laughs, “Okay, Faith.” He goes silent for a little and his face slowly turns serious. “You want to talk about Sasha Alvarez?”

I look away from him, just stayin’ silent for a while.

“She got jumped, and I couldn’t save her.” I say, finally.

That makes me think of my first watcher. I still fuckin’ see her face sometimes lookin’ at me to stop Kakistos and me not bein’ able to do shit.

I see Alan Finch’s face sometimes too. Gaspin’ for air. Lookin’ for Buffy to save him.

And I see Buffy’s face comin’ for me so she can feed me to Angel.

“It’s not your fault she died, Faith.”

I look at Brian, kinda forgot he was here for a second.

“I know, but…”

“You can’t save everyone.”

I’m really hopin’ I can save Buffy. That’s all that matters to me now.

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” I cross my arms and sit back in my chair. Starin’ straight at him.

“Well, just so long as you put everything into perspective. Some people can’t be saved, it’s their time to go.”

If he spouts some religious crap I’m kickin’ him in the balls.

“Tell that to a forty year old woman who gets cut to pieces by some psycho in front of her foster kid.”

“You were just a kid, Faith. You couldn’t…”

“Save her. Yeah I know. Look, I’m not tryin’ to be difficult here, but I think we’ve hit a wall today.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. I don’t really wanna bring up past stuff.”

“So how about we talk a little about the future?”

“Well,” I uncross my arms and sit up in my chair. “I was gonna have some steak at dinner…”

He narrows his eyes at me.

“No? You think I should have the fish?” I ask all innocently.

“I think you should drop the avoidance act and talk to me.” He raises his eyebrows.

I let my head flop back and I look up at the ceilin’. I can’t fuckin’ win with this dude.

“What about my future?” I bring my head down and look at him again.

“Let’s just say the past three weeks have been very good for your reform record.”

“So? That gets me like what? A year shaved off my sentence?”

“I think it’s much more than a year. As a matter of fact, I think you might only have a year left if you keep going like you have been.”

I laugh, “A year? You’re yankin’ my chain.”

“I’m not. Phyllis is very influential.”

A thought pops into my head, “She on the level?”

“Completely. I suggest besides starting to believe in her, you also start believing in yourself. You’re going to be fine on the outside.”

Shit, a year. That blows me away. I start thinkin’ maybe stuff can really work once I’m outta here.

Buffy gets her soul back soon and if Red rigs some shit, she gets outta here. She can wait for me to get out and then we can really be together, helpin’ each other on our road to whatever redemption we can find.

Angel would’ve been happy for us. I hope.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be fine.” I give him a real smile and that makes him smile too.

“Well, I better go make some more rounds. Wilma DeJohns woke up today, she’s not dealing well with not being able to talk.”

“Wilma didn’t die?”

“No, she lost a lot of blood and it affected her brain.”

So she’s not dead. Maybe it’s for the best.

“She can’t talk?”

“No, she has the brain capacity of a two year old.”

Damn, I gotta switch Vamp B to decaf, she might make me a mental midget.

“Shame.” I shrug. “Hey, where’d Deb go?”

“She got two weeks in solitary for talking back to the guard and trying to fight her.”

“Two weeks, huh? That’s pretty harsh.”

“She grabbed ahold of her nightstick and tried to hit her in the head. She gets out today.”

I heard of no pussy makin’ people crazy, but that’s just takin’ shit too far.

“Thanks for the talk, Brian.”

“You’re welcome.” He writes something in his book, then closes it and looks at me like he’s actually proud. “Have a good couple of weeks and I’ll see you back here. Same time?”

“Same bat channel.” I wink at him and get up.

He escorts me out and the guard takes me back to my cell.

Buffy’s not here, but I’m not too worried. Nellie, one of Sasha’s crew, and I have somethin’ worked out where she kinda babysits her. She’s not really scared of B, ‘cause her crew’s pretty bad ass and they can probably hold their own, at least until I got there.

One of the guards announces mail call, and I pick up a magazine to read. Never get anything except some stuff from colleges tellin’ me they can give me a break on tuition once I’m out. They shouldn’t really be givin’ breaks to people like me. Once we have more knowledge, we use it against people.

“Lehane. Mail.”

I let the magazine fall to the bed.

“Hey, I’m not gonna stand here all day. Get up and take this or I’m leavin’ and you won’t get it.”

I go over to the bars and take it from him. He was one of the meatheads that was here when Vamp B got her cavity search.

“Looks like a love letter.” He laughs. “Your girl’ll be jealous.”

I look at the post mark. Sunnydale, two weeks ago. They really don’t care whether a con gets their mail on time.

It’s Dawn’s handwritin’. I pull out the letter and can see she just poured all of her heart out. It’s like ten pages long.

I sit on the bed cross legged and stare down at the opening sentence.

Dear Faith,

I know you said I didn’t have to write you any letters, but I thought you might like this more than the sweater I was trying to knit. Ask Willow, it was frightening.

Heh. Squirt’s a nut.

I also thought you could hear me out in this because I’m too scared to say it to your face. Anyway, here it is: I’m so glad that Buffy’s there with you. She did some terrible things and I know she has to pay for them, but they weren’t her fault. Even though she tried to kill me, I still love her. I thought maybe you of all people would understand that.

So she knows. I guess she’s always known. I mean, why would I hang with her sister when she was off with her boyfriend? Don’t get me wrong, Dawn was cool and all and Mrs. S’ cookin’ was a bonus, but I was mostly waitin’ to catch some alone time with B.

At first I was mad when I found out that Willow had sent her to the same prison that you were in. I couldn’t get past the fact that you tried to kill her. Us. Then I remembered how much you cared for her, and how crazy this place can make people. I forgave you a long time ago, I know you don’t think so, but I did. Still, if you pull any funny business…I will have you hunted and killed.

Squirt’s got a pair on her, just like her mom and sis. I like that.

By the time I finish reading about what she’s done for the past couple of years and her thoughts on boys and all the TV shows I’ve missed, Vamp B comes back to the cell.

She looks a little guilty.

“You ok?” I ask, stuffin’ the letter into its envelope and puttin’ it in my cubby.

“Fine.” She runs a shaky hand through her hair.

“You don’t look fine to me.”

“No? How do I look?”

“Like you just got caught doin’ somethin’ you shouldn’t have.”

“You’re a ‘looks expert’ now? Tell me, Faith, what does this look like?” She gives me the finger.

“Looks like this is gonna be one of those interestin’ days.” I mutter and get up off my bunk.

“What are you doing?” She asks as I move closer to her.

“C’mere.”

“What do you want?”

“Don’t want anything except for you to come here.”

She slowly comes over and I push my hair back from my neck.

“Go ahead,” I pull her head down closer to me.

“I shouldn’t…”

“What? Why not?” She hasn’t had any in two days, she due.

“I need to…”

“You need to shut up and drink. C’mon, we’re gonna be called to our afternoon jobs in a minute.”

She rests her head on my shoulder, then pushes me away.

“What the fuck, B?”

“What’s your problem?”

“You got blood from somewhere?”

“Yeah,” She laughs. “That’s what I did; I went out and drank from someone.”

I narrow my eyes at her.

“Can’t you just leave me alone?” She asks and flops down on my bunk.

I lift her up. “No,” I punch her in the face and pull her in to me. “Now drink.”

She vamps out and bites my neck. Oh fuck, she’s not bein’ gentle. I have to pull her off me a little and make sure she’s not rippin’ my fuckin’ neck up. I get that light headed feelin’ and I’m about to push her off when she pulls back and wipes her mouth. She’s pissed off and kinda drunk lookin’ as she sits back on the bunk.

I slide down the wall to the floor.

“Why do you keep doing that?” She asks and I can hear the fear in her voice.

“What?”

“Make me…” She stops.

“What?”

“Nothing, forget it.”

She gets up and leaves.

Fuck man, I wonder if she was gonna say she loves me. Vamp B’s never done that.

I get up and wipe the blood from my neck and follow her out to line up.

“Lehane, Warden wants to see ya.” A guard comes up and takes me out of the line.

“Probably wants her to lick her pussy.” That stupid bitch Deb has somethin’ to say. I can’t fuckin’ believe her.

No one that bunk in the cells around ours laughs, just the assholes that pal around with Deb.

“Watch it Williams, you’re on thin ice.” The guard says.

Vamp B smirks at me and I look at Nellie. She nods and silently lets me know she’ll watch her.

*****

“Thanks for coming to see me, Faith.” Phyllis smiles at me.

I laugh, “Didn’t think I had a choice.”

She spots the bruise on my neck. It’s faded, but it was pretty angry lookin’ just a few minutes ago. We try not to have her drink from there ‘cause of the looks it gets me, like this one.

“Are you okay? You got a little something…” She points to a spot on her own neck and smirks.

“Heh. Yeah, it’s nothin’.” I bring my hand up to it, hidin’ it.

“Well, I’m not going to ask how it got there. I just wanted to make sure that everything is okay.”

“Everything’s fine.”

“We haven’t had an incident in over two weeks. Our new prisoner seems to be settling in well. I can’t tell you how pleased I am.”

“Brian’s been fillin’ me in.” I smile at her.

“Faith, I know you must think this is highly irregular. But I see potential in you as a leader. I hope in time you’ll come to see me as a mentor.”

“You ready for a shock?”

She nods her head.

“Already kinda do. You’re alright.”

I get a big smile from her. “Well, that’s a very nice compliment.” She smiles and sits down, indicatin’ that I should have a seat too.

“I know there’s something other than…the normal things that go on with prisoners happening between you and your cellmate.”

“Not sure I follow.”

“I know you two know each other, and I know you’re both…”

“Gay?”

She lets out a small laugh, “No, well, I mean it’s okay if you are, I’m just saying that I wasn’t thinking about that.”

She looks pretty cute flustered. Gotta remind myself to keep it in my pants here.

“Okay, so then what’re you sayin’?”

“Well, you’re both…strong…like nothing I’ve ever seen before.”

I shrug. I’m not givin’ any information on slayers, I know she’s nice and all, but I can’t trust people too much.

“I did some research on Sunnydale. It was listed on both your records as your last known residence.”

“And?”

“All I’m saying is: I want to help you get back to what you were meant to be doing. You’ve helped me with this situation, if you help me with others in the future, I’ll see to it that you get out quicker.”

Damn, my ticket out. This is probably what Brian meant about me gettin’ out in a year. Still, I’m a little skeptical.

“You look like you don’t believe me.” She says after a while.

“Forgive me, Warden.” She gives me that look. “Sorry. Phyllis. It’s not like I’ve been able to trust a lot of people in my life.”

“I know that, and I’m not trying to use you, Faith. I’ve said before, we can both help each other out here.”

I stare at her a little, tryin’ to see if there’s bullshit in her eyes.

“What do I have to do?” I ask after a while.

“Help keep the peace. Let me know what’s going on out there, where my focus should be.”

“What d’you get out of it?”

“Well, someday very soon, I plan to run for Mayor of Los Angeles.”

I laugh at that.

“You don’t think I can win?” She looks hurt.

“No! No, nothin’ like that. It’s just…I’ve worked for a mayor before. It’s funny.”

“Does that mean we have a long term deal?” She smiles.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okay well, don’t think about it too long. I’ll have to start moving on your parole hearing if it’s going to be moved up by six months. Let me know when you can.”

Shit, she means business. She’s not just dickin’ me around here. I feel like fuckin’ kissin’ her. Well, I also feel like fuckin’ her, but that’s only ‘cause of her hotness. I’m a one vampire woman these days.

That’s pretty fucked up that I just thought that.

“Okay, is now good?”

She quirks an eyebrow.

“You said to let you know when I can. I’ll do it.” I get up and extend my hand for a shake. “You’ve got yourself a stooge.”

“Don’t think of it like that, Faith. Think of yourself as a liaison for prisoner and correctional relations affairs.”

“Yeah, that sounds like something I’d think of.” We stop shakin’ and she doesn’t go to wipe her hand on her pants. I’m impressed. “How do we do this?”

“I’ll call you in once a week for a meeting. If you need to see me sooner, get a message to Eddie.”

“Sounds good.”

“Faith, thanks. I really appreciate this.”

“Well, I hope you get what you want someday. You’re a good lady.”

I turn to leave and she calls me back.

“I can get you some makeup…” She points to her neck and then to mine. “For those…blemishes.”

I smile at her, “Thanks, that would help, but I don’t wanna put you out or nothin’.”

“Think of it as payment for your first week.”

“Wow, eight bucks, you’ve got me at a bargain price.” I wink. We say goodbye again and I’m escorted back to the job I’m supposed to be doing.

When I get to the yard Vamp B’s out there sweepin’ the concrete. I’m handed a rake. Nellie smiles at me and I hand her two packs of cigs on the down low.

B finally spots me and instantly gives me a small smile, then realizes she’s kinda mad at me and goes back to doin’ what she was doin’.

Yep, things are definitely lookin’ up.

*****

When we get back to our cells after shower time, Vamp B’s still a little edgy. She’s been this way more and more in the past couple of days. I thought it was from not havin’ blood, but somethin’ else must be up.

I don’t know what else I can do, so I just sit on my bunk and watch her pace back and forth.

She stops a couple of times and looks like she’s gonna say somethin’, then she just keeps pacin’.

I keep my mouth shut.

Each time she gets to one end of the cell she looks more and more pissed as she turns around to pace back.

I know some shit’s about to blow. She stands right in front of me, lookin’ like I’m about to die.

I sit up and take her hand gently. She pulls it away.

“Don’t!”

“Don’t what?”

“I don’t need your pity.” Her voice has that icy quality that makes me wanna pee myself, but I keep pressin’.

“Not pityin’ ya. Just wanted to touch ya.”

She fuckin’ lays a punch on my chin that I didn’t see comin’. I see some stars though.

When my head unfuzzes, I push her back and get off the bunk. She’s comin’ in for another whopper and I crack her one before she lands it.

“There’s my girl.” She says, her lip all bloody and she’s lickin’ out at it.

“This shit’s gettin’ old, B.”

“You don’t like it? But I thought you loved me, baby.” She laughs that sarcastic kinda laugh that tells me she’s just playin’ with my feelings.

“Don’t use that fuckin’ shit against me.” I keep her pushed back while I think of somethin’ I can use to subdue her.

“You’re right, that’s bitchy of me. I can get to you by other, more painful means.”

Goddamn, it’s gonna be one of those nights. Where I practically have to beat her to death to get her to shut the fuck up.

“What d’you need, B? Tell me.”

“I need you to scream and cry.”

“What the fuck good is that gonna do ya?”

“It’ll stop making me feel...” She stops.

“Feel what? Horny? Nah, you get off on that shit.” We’re circlin’ around each other, she’s tryin’ to get me to let my guard down, but I’m too fuckin’ quick for that.

“Feel nothing. Shut up.”

Then it hits me, she feels somethin’. She was gonna tell me she loved me before.

“I said shut the fuck up!” She growls and lunges at me.

Oh fuck, she can read my thoughts now too. Well, the ones I don’t keep back. I figured that out after the second time I saw Dream B.

“Why, B? You’re mad at me for makin’ you love me?” I taunt, tryin’ to get her to admit it.

“You’re going to die tonight!”

“I don’t think so.”

“What’s going on here ladies?”

“Nothin’ Eddie, we’re just talkin’.”

“Yeah, having a chat.”

“You should be getting to dinner now.”

“I’m not hungry.” Vamp B says.

“I’m not your Daddy askin’ you to come down to the dinner table…”

“Hey, Eddie.” I’m tryin’ to avert a fuckin’ prison riot here. “Can you get us out of mess hall? Ask the Warden. Tell her it’s important.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, very. We’ll be okay. Just have Onetta send somethin’ up later.”

He uses his walkie talkie to have our cell shut.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” He looks at me and I can see the worry in his face. I know he feels somethin’s about to happen.

“Just fine, man.” I smile at him.

Vamp B’s got her back to him, she’s slowly makin’ me back up into the corner.

“Go, Eddie, really. I’m good.”

He leaves and she finally launches herself at me. I give her two quick punches to the sternum while she’s in mid air and she crashes into the wall I just moved away from.

I pounce on her back and pull her up to her knees, grabbin’ onto her hair and pushin’ her face towards the toilet bowl.

She laughs a sick fuckin’ laugh, “You can’t drown me.” She snorts, “In fact, even when I was alive, they couldn’t drown me.”

“I’m not lookin’ to drown you, bitch. I’m sure there are a million fuckin’ germs in there waitin’ to eat your flesh off.”

“Oooh, I’m scared.”

I know she’s not scared of gettin’ her face dumped into the toilet. And that pisses me off. I can’t fuckin’ win here.

What that means is she might fuckin’ kill me. I feel like it’s about that time. Ya know. The End.

She’s had enough playin’ house, and now she wants to go postal and kill the fam. Nice. Always knew I’d be a prison death statistic.

I pull her up and let her stand on her own two feet. She’s strugglin’ to get outta my grip and I just let her go. Her face hits the wall.

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that one.” She says when she turns around.

“I know.” I just stand there with my hands out to my sides, arms hangin’ down.

She slaps my face and I stand my ground.

“Playing the tough girl? Not gonna let me see you cry?” She says all mean.

I don’t say shit, I just keep lookin’ at her. She starts to turn away, but then she backhands me right across the mouth.

I stumble back a little from the force, but I quickly recover.

“Such a hero you are.” She spits out. “I want to be a fucking hero.”

“Why don’t you just be Buffy?”

She laughs, “And who is your precious Buffy? Do you know? Hmm?”

I stare at her eyes and I see somethin’ in ‘em tryin’ to break through.

“She’s someone I love…Someone I’ve always loved.”

Her face goes soft and she steps closer to me. Reachin’ up to my face with both hands.

“That’s so sweet,” Her face goes from soft to murderous in a split second and all I can think of is: ‘Here it comes.’

She grabs my neck with both hands and starts squeezin’. I didn’t have a fuckin’ chance to react to shit.

In no time flat she’s got me off the ground and I’m tryin’ to get a hold of her arms to try and break her grip, but it’s no use. I’m startin’ to pass out. She’s way too strong for me now.

“Do you like this Faith?!”

I’m tryin’ to scratch at her fingers and hands.

“See how it feels when you’re doing something you don’t want to do?!”

I can hear a little poppin’ sound in my head, and I’m not sure what it was, but I don’t think it can be good.

“Tell me?! Why the FUCK would you make me love you?!”

Finally, she throws me towards the wall and I get my first breath since she grabbed me.

Thankfully I don’t lose consciousness. She lays on my bunk and beats the wall with her fist.

When I’ve recovered enough, I get up and stand beside her.

“What’s your fucking problem? You want to die?” She yells.

“Than…” I clear my throat, it’s all raspy. Well, raspier than usual. “Thanks for not doin’ it.”

“Shut up.” She goes to turn away and I pull her up off the bunk.

“And thanks for sayin’ it.”

“Saying what?” She looks disgusted.

“I love you too. You know I do, and I don’t care if you kill me five thousand fuckin’ times, my answer’s always gonna be the same.”

She goes to hit me, but I grab her wrist and pull her in for a kiss. At first she struggles, but then she finally allows herself to give into the feelin’. I pour all the love I can into it, hopin’ it’ll fuckin’ melt that steel heart she’s got goin’.

After a little while she puts her arms around me and pulls me closer. She can’t get enough.

I help her hop up onto my hips and we keep kissin’ like we’ll never be able to stop.

When I finally need to breathe, she pulls back and kisses me all over my face. I get a hold of her long enough so that I can get us both back to the bunk and lay down. Like a lover who’s just been allowed to have at their partner, I gently take off her pants.

The love in her eyes has me gaspin’ for air like she’s got her hands around my throat again. I smile at her and she gives me a sad smile.

“I know you’re sorry. Just let me do this.” I say quietly.

I kneel in front of her and pull her so her back is flat against the mattress, then I settle in between her legs. As soon as my tongue touches her pussy, she lets out a long low moan.

I start out with long slow strokes, but when I feel her hands in my hair guidin’ me to where she wants me, I get down to business. I’m strokin’ her clit and swirlin’ around it with my tongue.

“Oh, Faith, so good.” If she had breath in her body, she’d be gaspin’ and sighin’.

I push a finger in her moist pussy and twist it around. “More, please.” She begs.

I give her what she needs, everywhere she needs it. Her whispered requests are my command, this is all for her. All of it. It’s not just because she’s Buffy in there, it’s because I love her. All of her. Even this fucked up, murderous version of her.

After she screams through her third orgasm, I finally lift my head up from between her legs.

She’s got the biggest fuckin’ smile on her face, and I lean down to kiss her lips. She snakes her tongue into my mouth and we share her wetness.

“Mmmm, ohhh…” She moans as I cup her pussy, drawin’ out some of the sensations from her last orgasm.

“You like that?” I ask.

“I love…” She opens her eyes and looks into mine. “…you.”

I smile and blow her a kiss as I push two fingers into her and massage her G-spot, strokin’ it slowly to bring her to another hot, wet, throbbin’ climax.

“Love you too, baby.” I say and move off to the side when she’s done comin’ around my fingers.

She rolls over and kisses my neck tenderly. I hear her whisper her love for me again, and I finally close my eyes with a big grin on my face and fall asleep.

*****

The buzzer goes off and I reluctantly open my eyes. I was havin’ too good of a dream there.

Me and B were back in the ‘Dale. Kickin’ ass and takin’ names. There was a little bit of hotness somewhere in there too.

Not feelin’ too bad for havin’ just a few hours sleep. I bet the mess Vamp B made of my face is almost all gone. Benefits of bein’ a hot chick with super powers.

Speakin’ of gone, she must’ve climbed back up to her bunk durin’ the middle of the night. I tend to hog the bed, so I don’t really blame her.

I sigh out and roll over, gettin’ ready to face the day. I feel like I could fuckin’ fly.

“B, the buzzer sounded. You better get your ass up.” I call up to her.

She doesn’t say anything.

I’m not braggin’ or nothin’ but this has happened more than once or twice, or a few times for that matter, over the last couple weeks we’ve been together. She gets off and then passes out, and I gotta practically drag her outta bed the next day.

Sometimes I wonder if she’d hear a car if it backfired next to her head.

Kinda makes me wish I could blast a shotgun over her just once to see what she’d do. Heh.

I pull on my clothes and notice that hers are gone. Her bunk hasn’t been slept in either.

Fuck, did I not notice her standin’ at the doors when the buzzer went off? She does that shit a lot, but I don’t let it get to me much anymore. I get it, the needin’ to leave without sayin’ a word.

I line up and don’t spot her right away. A dozen people or so ahead, I see a blonde head. She’s back up there with fuckin’ Deb.

Shit, nothin’ that happened last night meant anything to her. I close my eyes and take a breath. It’s like fuckin’ livin’ in “Groundhog Day”, everything seems to repeat itself. Except with this it’s not every day, it’s every couple of days, or every couple of weeks.

Fuck it, I’m a grown up. I can make it through this. I can get her through this.

When we get to the showers, I see Deb slip behind a wall with a naked Buffy. Fuckin’ God give me strength. Please.

Some people are laughin’ and lookin’ around the wall. Others look like they couldn’t care less. I see Nellie look at me all curious and I give her a head nod. She looks at me like I’m no one.

Fuck, she must’ve been in on this latest shit with Deb and Buffy. Probably playin’ me all along.

By the time I get to the wall, I’m fuckin’ seein’ red. I pull Deb up by her hair, she was goin’ down on Buffy, and ask her what the fuck’s goin’ on.

She calls me a psycho and a fuckin’ retard. I thought we were over all that.

I finally get the strength to look down at Buffy, and what was gonna come out of my mouth just dies on my lips. ‘Cause it’s not Buffy.

It’s some small blonde bitch that came in here about a week before B.

“Who the fuck is that?” I point at her.

“What’s your fuckin’ damage, Fruit Loop? You got a problem with me gettin’ a piece?”

I let Deb go.

“No, no problem.”

“And another thing, who the fuck is this Buffy chick you’re yellin’ about?”

“Funny.”

“I knew you probably drank battery acid as a kid, but I didn’t think you still did it. You’re one fuckin’ stupid bitch.”

That’s it, I’ve had enough. I pull her back by the collar and pull up her sleeve. I show her own forearm to her.

“That’s who Buffy is, you dumb fuckin’ cunt!” I point at the tattoo she got a couple of weeks ago.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK DID THIS?!”

If Deb’s lyin’ she’s the best fuckin’ actress in the world. She stomps over to her friends that are grabbin’ showers and asks who the fuck put ink on her without her knowin’.

Everyone looks at her like they got no clue what she’s talkin’ about.

“Sandy, you’re my best friend right?” She looks at her friend who was just soapin’ herself up and now is bein’ yelled at by a psycho. “You tell me who did this shit, and you tell me now!”

Sandy looks kinda scared. She mumbles somethin’.

“What the fuck did you say?” Deb yells.

A couple of the female guards are noticin’ a commotion happenin’, but they’re not automatically comin’ over.

I feel like I’m in the fuckin’ Twilight Zone.

Sandy mumbles somethin’ again.

“What?!” Deb screams at her. “I can’t fuckin’ hear ya if yer gonna mumble!”

“I said I thought it was some long lost girlfriend! You’ve had it since a couple weeks ago. Don’t hit me!” Sandy puts her hands over her head to protect herself.

I slip outta the shower.

“Tell the Warden there’s about to be a fight in the showers.” I say to the guards. They get on the P.A. and every cell goes on lockdown.

We’re herded back to our cells.

*****

It’s been two days since B disappeared, and I think I’ve figured out why. So it doesn’t surprise me when I’m told there’s a visitor waitin’ to see me.

I’m just surprised by who it is.

“What’s up, Red?” I ask when I pick up the phone.

“Faith, I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to get a heads up to you. It’s been such a crazy two weeks, but I finally pulled it off.”

“She got her soul back?”

Willow nods, lookin’ kinda sad.

“She’s trying to deal with the enormity of what she’s done.”

“I can’t even imagine. Angel told me once about how many times he tried to kill himself.”

“I’m really sorry about everything, Faith. I never meant to be all mysterious and keep things from you…or anyone else. It was a bit over my head.”

I shrug, “As long as everything worked out. How’s she otherwise?”

“Surprisingly good, considering.”

“What happens now? That Mexico thing is all clear?”

Willow looks around nervously and nods.

“It’s all been taken care of.”

“Good. Now all she has to do is sit tight and redeem. But she’s Buffy, she’ll be able to handle it.”

“We’ll all help her with that.” She smiles.

I can’t believe I’m gonna ask her this, but I wanna know.

“She say anything about me? About her time in here?”

She shakes her head and my heart sinks, she hasn’t mentioned me.

“She doesn’t remember she was here. I thought it would be best. Ya know…to help with the redemption.”

What?

I feel like I’ve been sucker punched.

“Sh-she…”

“Are you okay, Faith? You look a little pale.”

“She doesn’t remember she was here?” I whisper, tryin’ not to look too stunned.

“No, I figured she would have enough to contend with. I mean, she preyed on innocent people and she’ll have to atone for all of that. I just thought if she had to think about the time she had in prison, well…I just thought it would be better for her. And for you.”

“How d’you figure?” I’m still numb, I’m not even sure how I’m still answerin’ her.

“I know your history together, you guys probably fought like cats and dogs. I thought you’d be able to go back to doing what you were doing without having to worry about what Buffy thinks of you ‘cause she won’t remember all the bad stuff.”

Yeah, the bad stuff.

“Why let me remember?” Again, I ask before I even know that I’m still talkin’.

“In case I need your help with things…Some of the inmates might need to…have refresher spells. You’ll have to let me know.”

“So you mind wiped the whole fuckin’ prison?”

“Not wiped, just altered.”

“Includin’ the Warden?”

“Especially the Warden and the guards. They would come looking for Buffy…Faith? You look a little green…”

“I gotta go…”

“Wait, I wanted to say…”

I hang up the phone and leave her sittin’ there. Eddie takes me back to my cell where I empty out my breakfast, lunch and last night’s dinner.

She doesn’t remember.

XI

"I love..." She opens her eyes and looks into mine. "...you."

I wake up with my skin all hot and sweaty.

Shakin’ the dream out of my head, I sit up and throw my legs over the side of my bunk. The cold floor feels like a welcome change to the fire I feel on my skin. I get up too quickly and the room starts spinnin’, so I sit back down on my bed and try to make it stop.

That shit I bought offa Deb musta been cut with fuckin’ drano. The worst part about it is, it didn’t fuckin’ make me forget nothin’. I just fuckin’ saw her face and everything we’d done through a psychedelic fuckin’ haze. The room stops spinnin’ finally, but I get that waterin’ in my mouth and just make it to the toilet before I make a mess on the floor.

“Hey, baby, you pregnant?” I hear from the cell next to me when I’m done spewin’.

“You want me to make you pregnant?” Another person asks and the inmates who heard are all laughin’. “I got a hard on right here for ya.”

“Don’t you know she’s retarded? Your baby’d come out lookin’ like fuckin’ Shrek or somethin’.”

“Man, fuck you! I don’t gotta stick around to raise it, just fuckin’ put it in her.”

“Hey, motherfuckers!” I recognize Rico’s voice. “You don’t got a fuckin’ dick, so shut your fuckin’ stupid ass mouth. ‘Sides, if you did have one, baby girl in there would rip it off and shove it down your throat. Now shut the fuck up, the buzzer’s about to go off in ten and I wanna catch some more sleep.”

“Hey, Rico, man. I was just havin’ some fun, man. No offense.” The one who wants to be my baby daddy says, like a scared kid.

“Shut the fuck up and none’ll be taken.” Rico says.

“Cool, cool. Sorry, man.”

Rico lets out a big sigh, but doesn’t say anything. Guess she’s hopin’ she’ll just shut up now.

I wipe my mouth and lay on the cool floor.

When the buzzer sounds, I get up all shaky. Least I don’t have to dress ‘cause I never got undressed last night. Just took that shit and passed out.

I feel like I’m walkin’ on marbles and the person behind me in line has to put their hand on my back or I would’ve fallen into ‘em.

I go through the motions of takin’ a shower and no one says shit to me. They don’t even look at me, just like it was before.

Standin’ in the breakfast line I’m shakin’ like a leaf. Onetta takes one look at me and gasps.

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong? You sick?”

I shake my head no. Knowin’ her, she’d call a guard to take me to the infirmary and they’d figure out that I was on somethin’. Then I’d get hole time.

It’s fuckin’ funny. Everyone knows there’s drugs goin’ around here like it’s fuckin’ candy, but nothin’s done about it. Some of the guards even get paid to look the other way, but if you’re found takin’ it, you get solitary. Dumb.

Onetta looks at my eyes and she can see it. The disappointed look on her face is like a smack to mine and I have to look away.

“Here’s your plate,” I take it from her without lookin’ at her. “Don’t eat it too fast. I gave you an extra carton of orange juice. Be good now, ya hear?”

I nod and take my tray to a table that’s in the corner and not too crowded.

I don’t even know why I’m botherin’ to eat this, it’ll all end up in the toilet like everything else has this past week.

That’s how long it’s been since she was here. Since it felt like someone reached into my chest and pulled out my heart. Since I found out that all the good I’ve done and bein’ in the Warden’s good graces means dick.

I thought about askin’ Will to modify that part of her memory, but she’d probably melt her brain down to liquid and I’m not gonna chance Phyllis’ life like that.

I don’t even wanna fuckin’ see Willow anywhere near here right now. I’d probably jump through the fuckin’ glass and strangle the bitch.

“Damn girl, you look like someone fucked you upside down.”

I close my eyes and hold onto the edge of the table for strength. Deb’s been tryin’ to get to me all week, she thinks I had somethin’ to do with her fuckin’ Buffy tattoo. She probably did put drano in the fuckin’ junk she sold me, but my Slayer healin’ fought it off.

“You hear me girl?!”

“I heard you.” I say through clenched teeth.

“Yeah? Good, didn’t know if your hearin’ was retarded too.”

Some of her crew laughs. One of the guards comes over and breaks them up, has them go sit at different tables. Deb comes and sits right across from me.

“Mind if I sit here with you? Didn’t think so.” She adds without waitin’ for an answer.

I feel like I’m Daniel-san in the “Karate Kid” and Deb’s the fucknuts in the Cobra Kai. What’s that asshole’s name? Johnny.

“You gonna eat that?” She says with a mouth full of food, pointin’ to my cornbread biscuit.

I don’t answer her.

“Girl, I said,” She raises her voice. “You gonna eat that?”

I look up into her eyes and the look on my face makes her flinch a little, but to her credit she recovers pretty quickly.

“You didn’t say, you asked, and yeah I’m gonna eat this fuckin’ thing. You got a problem with that, Johnny?”

“’Johnny’? What the fuck are you on, girl? Oh yeah, wait, that’s right, I sold it to ya.” She starts laughin’ so much she’s chokin’. I stand up and punch her in the back so hard it echoes off the walls. She rears up and gets into a fightin’ stance, but the blow to her back is clearly botherin’ her.

The guards move in and pull me away, and Deb’s yellin’ about thinkin’ her lung might be punctured.

They haul me off and stuff me in the hole. The guard doesn’t say nothin’ to me. Not how long I’ll be here, or if they’ll let me eat my breakfast down here. Nothin’.

And I don’t really care anymore.

*****

“Hey, Faith.” Eddie whispers. “Here’s some of Onetta’s cornbread and some water.”

I stay layin’ on my bunk.

“C’mon now, get up and get this stuff. You know I’m not supposed to be givin’ you cornbread.”

“Go ‘way, Eddie.”

“Faith, you can’t eat nothin’. You’re just gonna get sicker.”

“I’m not sick. I took some shit I bought off Deb.”

“Girl! Why’d you go and do that?”

“You wouldn’t understand, or remember apparently.” I added that last part on in a whisper and it sounds so funny to me I start laughin’.

“Faith, stop actin’ crazy. You get up off that bunk and you come here and get this, ‘fore I tell Onetta you think her cookin’ is disgustin’.”

Fuck, low blow. Onetta would come down and shiv me herself.

Still, I’m not really hungry.

“Eddie, I’m sick.” I moan.

“You just told me you wasn’t sick, that you took some junk. Well you better get over here and get this.”

I roll off the bunk and let myself fall to my hands and knees.

I feel like such a kid, helpless and angry and made to do somethin’ I don’t wanna do. I wanna scream my guts out.

“Good girl.” He says when I take the food and water from him.

The cornbread smells fuckin’ awesome and I shove it in my face faster than I can chew it down. Eddie asks me how it is and I can’t talk so I scull some of the water.

“It’s awesome.” I finally manage to say.

“Told you you were hungry.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“Heard you been prayin’ to the porcelain gods after every meal.”

“Yeah,” I sigh and sit on the bunk, drinkin’ the rest of the water down.

“Some shit’s goin’ around that you’re pregnant.”

“Well, that’s all it is. Shit.”

“You’re gonna laugh, but I heard it’s mine.”

That does make me laugh, until I think about what Onetta thought when she heard that.

“Don’t worry, Onetta laughed too.”

Phew, damn. Fuck, that’s all I’d need.

“I’m sorry, Eddie.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know, I’m just feelin’ sorry.”

“You’re lookin’ sorry lately.”

“Thanks, man. ‘preciate that.”

“I mean it, you don’t look like you used to.”

“I’m in the hole, how the hell can you tell?”

“Just the past few days, you haven’t looked right for a while now.”

“I got some bad news.”

“Yeah? I’m sorry to hear that.” He says, sincerely. “Somebody die?”

“Kinda.” I dunno, I feel like such a pussy pinin’ over Buffy, and then I think of Angel. “Yeah, a good guy. Was my savior.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Life goes on though, right?”

“That it does.”

“So when do I get outta here?”

“Two days.” He says, soundin’ kinda sad.

“Damn,” I sigh. “Guess it’s better than a week.”

“Warden’s not too happy. You were doin’ so well.”

“Yeah?” Shit, I’m confused, I would’ve thought all that was lost.

“’Course. Stella Groves gets out today.”

“Outta where?” I wanna see if he’s talkin’ about what I think he is.

“The psych ward. She doesn’t get to go back to GP, they’re puttin’ her in Cellblock D.”

Cellblock Demented. It’s the cellblock for all the suicides and people who’d get preyed on and killed in GP.

“I saved her, right?”

“You sure did.”

“They ever figure out why she was tryin’ to off herself?”

“I thought you knew why?” He sounds surprised.

“Naw, man. No one ever told me.”

“She was in love with you. Or so they say.”

Fuck. Thanks Red.

“Damn. I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry that I was the one that had to tell ya. Guess it’s better than one of the other inmates usin’ it against ya.”

“Guess so.”

“Well,” He stretches out. “I better get goin’ or they’ll think I’m tryin’ some funny business.”

“You’re just visitin’ your baby’s momma.” I joke.

“Don’t even start anything like that. You know my thing would be cut up so fast and in tomorrow’s stew…”

“Oh, gross dude. Thanks, now I’ll never be able to eat Onetta’s stew again.”

“Too bad, too. She makes awesome stew.”

“Get outta here, Eddie.”

He laughs.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thanks for the food, man.”

“You’re welcome.”

He leaves and I hang onto hope that the Warden remembers some of the good stuff I did.

*****

“What’s going on with you, Faith?” Brian asks at our counselin’ session. This one’s a week late, ‘cause I did hole time and it had to be rescheduled.

I shrug.

“I’m not too happy with you, so you’d better start giving me some solid answers.”

“Whadda ya want me to tell ya?”

“Why you’ve gotten solitary three times this past month.”

“Couldn’t be helped.”

“Well, I can maybe agree with the second incident, but the first and the last one? You brought on yourself.”

I’m not sure what those other two “incidents” are that he’s talkin’ about. This shit is so fucked up, I’m gonna kill Willow if I ever get outta here.

“I didn’t mean to hit Deb so hard, she was chokin’ and I thought I was helpin’ her out.”

“You know you’re stronger than most people, Faith. You can’t hit them like that.”

“I’m sorry, Brian. Guess I panicked.”

He narrows his eyes at me.

“Well,” He looks in his book. “The second incident happened because you were trying to stop Sasha from being beaten. I know you were protecting her, so I can’t really blame you for that.”

Fuck, that’s a relief. I would’ve tried to help her.

“But this business with Wilma DeJohns. No one was actually able to prove that you tried to kill her, yet you ended up in solitary while they investigated. This one’s troublesome.”

“I didn’t do it.”

“I know that, but the parole board doesn’t know that.” He sits forward in his chair. “Phyllis had to pull a lot of strings to get your parole hearing bumped up by six months, Faith. She’s putting a lot on the line for you.”

Fuckin’ Hallelujah!

“I know, Brian. I won’t let her down.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” He takes a paper out of a manila envelope. “I’ve got an application for your GED, you’ve got to start thinking of taking your education seriously. I’d also like you to start helping me in the psych ward.”

“Me? Why?” I sit up in my chair.

How the fuck would I help them?

“Because you know what it’s like to feel helpless, and I think you’d be good with them.”

I rub my hands on my knees a few times and look down at the floor.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Faith. You’re a smart girl.”

“Does the Warden want me to do this?”

“Yes, she thinks it’s a good idea.”

“Gimme the application. I’ll fill it out now.”

“Good.” He says all excited.

Damn, I’m pretty happy with myself. Seems most of the stuff is like it was, just no Buffy.

Fuck.

*****

Two days later and I’m in my cell readin’ the booklet for the GED. Looks pretty okay. Kinda like I’ll be able to do it without a problem. Maybe the math might suck, but I’ll get by and Brian said he’d help some.

“Mail call! Lehane, it’s your lucky day. You finally got a letter.” It’s the guard who brought me Dawn’s letter the day before B left.

I wonder who the fuck this is gonna be from?

When I get up to the bars, he smirks at me. “You got a groupie? The handwritin’ looks like she’s fourteen. You like ‘em young, huh?”

My hand starts shakin’ as I take it from him.

“You should get off the junk,” He nods at my hand. “You’re gettin’ the wiggles.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I wait until he leaves and I sit back on my bunk with the letter in front of me on top of the blanket. I’m starin’ at it like the return address is from the Unibomber.

I finally get the balls to open it.

Dear Faith,

I just mailed that letter I wrote and realized I forgot to include some pictures I thought you might like. There’s that one of me, you and Mom at Christmas. Oh yeah, and a one of you and Buffy that night, too. I stole it out of her drawer. Don’t tell her. I think she liked it because you’re totally checking out her cleavage in that slut bomb of a dress she was wearing. I think she was secretly wishing you’d show up, because she usually just wears a dress that would make Mother Theresa tell her to “lighten up a little.”Anyway, I thought it might help you to remember all of us in better times.

Take care of yourself and Buffy. Thanks for helping her. I know I’ve said it before and I sound like a broken record, but I’m really, really happy that she’s with you. It makes me feel like things are gonna be okay.

Love,

Dawn a.k.a Squirt, Short Stuff, Pip Squeak, Squeaker, and Fart Mouth. (I hated that one by the way.)

I look at the post mark. It’s a couple of days later than the one that she sent me the last time. I put the pictures back in the envelope and stuff it in my cubby. The other letter’s still there.

Guess Will’s spell wasn’t as clean as it could’ve been. Shit, what the fuck else did she fuck up?

*****

After lunch instead of goin’ to one of my other jobs, I go with Brian to the psych ward. He gives me a tour of the place and then one of the attendants, Malika, comes and shows me the real ropes.

I’m gonna be helpin’ ‘em with activities and stuff. Maybe read to ‘em and shit.

“Faith, this is Wilma, can you help her put this puzzle together?” Malika asks me. Wilma’s just sittin’ there with some puzzle pieces in her hand. This is gonna be somethin’.

“Sure.” I say with a half-hearted smile. She probably won’t remember me which is good, ‘cause I can’t fuckin’ blow this job. It’s part of my ticket outta here, so even though I wanna make her eat the puzzle pieces, I fuckin’ sit down and start to put the puzzle together.

When she notices me sittin’ next to her she gets all freaked out.

“Guhhh, guhhh!” She says and points to me.

“Huh?” I look at the puzzle. “You don’t want me to do it? I swear this piece goes here.”

“Guhhh, guhhh!” She says again, and this time she shows me her top teeth. Like she’s vampin’ out.

Holy fuckin’ hell.

She pushes her chair out away from the table.

She thinks I’m a vamp?

“Is everything okay here, ladies?”

“Wilma’s a little upset.” I say, holdin’ my hands up, showin’ I don’t have nothin’ threatenin’ in ‘em.

“That’s the first time she’s tried to say anything since she woke up.” Malika says all shocked, and then she asks Wilma. “You need to use the bathroom, Wilma? I told you, you just go when you need to. You’ve got a diaper.”

Ew, dude.

“Maybe I better go help someone else.” I say.

“That might be best.” Malika agrees.

I leave to go into the other room where I help someone tryin’ to put up a tower of cards, I keep an eye on Wilma though. I can’t fuckin’ believe she remembers what happened to her. The question is who does she actually remember doin’ it?

*****

The next day I go back to the psych ward and tell Malika I think it might be good to see if Wilma will let me help her today. She agrees idea and lets me go read a book to her.

I pick out one that has pictures.

When no one’s lookin’ I slip the photo Buffy outta my pocket and into the book. I hold it in front of Wilma and her eyes go wide.

“Guhhh! Guhhh!!!” She shows her upper teeth again and I have my answer.

She remembers Vamp B.

Malika comes rushin’ over, and just misses me slippin’ the picture back into my pocket.

“What happened?”

“I dunno, I showed her the picture of this seal and she got all upset. You think she hates wildlife?”

“I don’t know, Faith. Maybe she’s just not ready to be around people.”

“Damn, I’m real sorry. I wanted to help.”

Malika gives me a really warm smile, “You’ve been a big help. Dina over there couldn’t stop talking about what a good card stacker you were.”

I look over at Dina and she smiles at me all shy. I give a small wave.

“Go ahead, go help her. I’ll take care of Wilma.”

“’Kay.”

When I get back into GP I ask to make a phone call. Hafta give Red a heads up about Wilma rememberin’.

I’m finally allowed to make it the next day. Gotta love prison life.

I dial Red’s number and wait for about five rings before she picks up.

“Hello?”

My heart flies into my fuckin’ throat. It’s not Red.

“Hey, I can hear you breathing. Is this that pervy guy from the video rental store? We don’t care that “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn” is overdue, we’ll bring it back when we’re done.”

I clear my throat, “B, it’s me.”

“Faith?” She sounds totally confused.

“Yeah.”

Fuck my heart’s poundin’ so hard I wonder if it’s gonna explode.

“What’s wrong?”

Everything since you left.

“Is…uhhh…” I fuckin’ sound like Wilma.

“Is what?” She lets out an impatient sigh. “Faith, I’m just about to go patrol and I’m sure you have prison lovelies to do. Can you at least string together a coherent sentence?”

“Is Willow there?”

“What do you want with her?”

“She…” Fuck. I didn’t think of what would happen if Buffy answered.

“She…? Did you have a lobotomy recently?”

I want to ask her if she really got her soul back, ‘cause she’s bein’ such a bitch. Then I remember this is normal for us.

“Fuck, B…”

“Can’t say I’m lovin’ the language, Faith. I’m hangin up now.”

“Wait!” I shake this lovestruck feelin’ outta my mind and stay focused on why I called. “Listen, she called me, I’m just returnin’ the call. Tell her to get in touch with me, she’ll know why.”

“Are you scheming?”

“Yeah, I’m runnin’ a fuckin’ pimp stand and I’d like for you and her to…”

The dial tone lets me know she didn’t like my little joke there.

I hang up the phone and notice my hand is shakin’ again.

I’ll just go get somethin’ to take the edge off.

*****

When they tell me I have a phone call, I lift my head off the floor. Just seems easier to sleep down here. The bed’s too far off the ground. And it’s got too many good memories. I don’t wanna remember anything, ‘specially not the good stuff.

“Faith, Buffy told me you called. Is it the spell?”

“Yeah, your double and triple checked fool proof spell’s got some holes in it.”

“What’s wrong? Wait, let me go get a pad and a pen.”

I sigh. Why doesn’t she just write it with fuckin’ mist in the air?

“Okay, shoot.”

“First of all, there’s a woman that B attacked that remembers her.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, she remembers bein’ drained by her.”

“How does she know it was Buffy?”

“She made a vamp face.”

“But how did she know it was Buffy?”

“I…”

“What?”

“I showed her a picture.”

“Of a vampire?”

I let my head fall backwards and look up at the ceilin’. How did she ever fuckin’ graduate with such high marks?

“Of Buffy, Red.”

“Where did you get a picture…” She lowers her voice. “…of Buffy?”

“Two letters I got from Dawn that were sent before you did the spell.”

“Oh. But why would you help the woman remember? I mean she could be giving everything up to the fuzz as we speak. Well, unless she’s mentally challenged. The spell I designed doesn’t have any effect on someone like that. It’d take too much away from them and they can’t really afford to lose anything to begin with. It’d just be cruel.”

That explains the real reason she left my memory intact.

“Okay, Red. I guess you’ve thought of everything. Sorry to bother.”

“It’s no bother. I’m glad you called. I just wanted you to know that things are going well thanks to you.”

“Great.”

“Oh, did you need me to make those letters and pictures disappear?”

Fuck, what the fuck else does she wanna take away from me?

“Nah, got rid of ‘em already.”

“Oh, okay. Is there anything else you needed to tell me?”

Yeah, you fuckin’ ruined my fuckin’ life, thanks.

“No, that was it. You probably won’t hear from me again, everything else seems copacetic with the spell.”

“I told you, it was the most brilliant thing I’ve ever done. Giles can’t stop gushing.”

“Sweet.”

“I’m really grateful to you, Faith. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

How about you design a spell to make me remember how she smells, how she feels in my arms, how she tastes on my tongue or how she said she loved me and meant it?

Oh I forgot, you already did.

“Take care, Red.”

“You too, Faith.” Before I hang up she calls my name.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want that sweater Dawn knitted? It’s really a sight to see.”

I let out a small laugh, “Nah, don’t waste any postage on me, Willow. Be good, yeah?”

I hang up and feel like that’s it. It’s over and I should just deal like a grown up.

‘Cause I’m so mature and that’ll happen.

*****

Surprisingly I make it to the six month mark without another trip to the hole or anything else that’s gonna jeopardize the progress I’ve made. What’s awesome is that Phyllis is almost exactly like she was before, bein’ my mentor and havin’ me try and keep the peace in GP.

The parole hearin’ is comin’ up next week and things are lookin’ good.

I’ve even gotten Wilma to play nice. She’s been my personal project. I know I should fuckin’ hate her, and believe me I don’t love her, but I’m feelin’ kinda guilty and I got enough guilt as it is.

I’ve got just a few guilt issues. It’s the remnants of my good Catholic upbringin’. Well, not exactly good Catholic ‘cause most of the priests that were at my church are in jail for tryin’ to hump the altar boys. Makes me feel okay that they can’t judge me for bein’ in jail.

Fuck, why am even I thinkin’ of shit like that?

Phyllis calls me into her office for our weekly meetin’.

“Faith, have a seat.”

“Thanks, Phyllis.”

She just sits there and looks at me with a smile on her face.

“What?” I say after a while, she’s startin’ to freak me out.

“I’ve been looking at your progress and I’m just so pleased. You’re going to have some tough questions from the parole board next week, but I think you’ll do fine.”

“I want to do good for you.”

“Faith, you’re doing this for yourself. Don’t worry about me, my election is mine to win or lose. You’re just helping me look better, that’s all.”

“Yeah, but that’s what I’m worried makin’ you look bad.”

“It’s not going to happen. You’ve already proven yourself. I’m so grateful to you for everything you’ve done, and I’m just so proud.”

“Thanks.” I say, not really comfortable with compliments.

“We have to start thinking about what you’re going to do when you get out of here.”

Shit, I haven’t even thought of that possibility. All I wanna do is make a good impression with the parole board for Phyllis, I haven’t been thinkin’ of them as my ticket to gettin’ out of here.

“Not really gettin’ my hopes up.”

“Well, I am, and I think you should start making plans. You know what they say about failing to plan?”

“You’re…I’m…They…I got nothin’, what do they say?”

“You plan to fail.”

Sounds about right.

“Well, it’s hard, ya know? I mean I planned on spendin’ the rest of my life in prison, I’m havin’ a tough time switchin’ gears.”

“That’s where I can help.” She looks all excited. “I can get you in touch with some outreach programs, and of course your parole officer will help you as well. Have you decided where you’re going to live? Will you go back to…” She looks at my file, “Sunnydale?”

My heart starts beatin’ faster.

“I don’t know.” I whisper.

“You have some painful memories there, don’t you?”

“Yeah, a few.”

“Well, there are many places you can go so don’t worry too much about that. You’ll have to stay in the state, but it’s a pretty big state.” She smiles.

Not big enough.

I smile back, even though I feel like cryin’. Such a pussy. One mention of somethin’ to do with Buffy and I’m right back to square one. I’m thinkin’ of callin’ Will and takin’ her up on her offer of helpin’ me out. I just wanna not remember anymore.

The next day I get another phone call granted, and I with my heart in my throat again, I call Sunnydale.

This time no one answers, so I leave a message, “Hey Red, it’s me Faith. Get in touch when you can, I wanna take you up on your offer. It’d probably be best if you came for a visit.”

Sure enough, right before my parole hearin’ she’s on my roster for visitors. I get excited ‘cause I’m finally gonna be free.

When I walk out to where the booths are I have such a feelin’ of hope that it makes a smile break out on my face.

Then my world stops. Red’s playin’ a joke on me and is wearin’ a Buffy costume.

She’s sittin’ there all hurt lookin’.

I feel like tellin’ the guards to take me back to my cell, but somethin’ else in my body is causin’ me to sit down. Some automatic pilot bullshit. She must have some magnetic field I’m attracted to. No brainer there.

I pick up the receiver, she’s still sittin’ there starin’ at me. Maybe she remembers what we did and is out for revenge or somethin’ cause she thinks I took advantage. After a minute of sittin’ there with the phone to my ear, I look at her and point to her phone. Man, it’s no wonder her and Red hit it off so well.

She picks up the receiver without even lookin’ at it and puts it to her ear.

“Hey,” She says.

“Hi.”

“I’m sure you’re surprised to see me.”

“A little, yeah. Kinda thought Willow was comin’.”

“Sorry about that, but I thought you might not want to see me, so I signed up as Will.”

We sit there in silence for a few more minutes.

“We don’t get a lot of time, B. What’s up?” I can’t believe how calm I sound, it’s like someone else has taken over for me.

“I just wanted to know if you knew…”

Oh fuck, the jig’s up.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh,” She says quietly, I’m surprised ‘cause she’s takin’ this better than I thought she would. “Willow said you might not have known.”

What?

“Wait, what’re you talkin’ about? Just wanna make sure we’re on the same page here.”

“Angel.” She says with tears formin’ in her eyes.

Of course.

I nod my head.

“Yeah, I heard.”

She keeps goin’ like she needs to get it out.

“Did you hear how it happened?”

Why she feels I need to know this from her is beyond me, but I go with the flow.

“Yeah, I heard.”

She looks uneasy at that.

“I’m so sorry, Faith. I know how much you cared for him. I didn’t…”

I stop her with a hand up.

“I’ve made my peace with it. Don’t go gettin’ yourself all worked up.”

“But…I need to…”

“Yeah, I get why you’re here.” She narrows her eyes. “You’re doin’ the twelve step for ex-soulless vampires. I get it. You’re doin’: ‘Make direct amends to those who’ve harmed you.’ Little odd, in my opinion, should be the other way around but what do I know? So, what step you got next? Let’s see…”

“Faith, don’t joke, you don’t know what I’ve been through.”

‘Neither do you.’ I wanna say, but she looks upset enough as it is. Don’t need her hatin’ herself more than she already does.

“So what do you want from me, B? You want me to tell you that I don’t hold it against you?”

“…You’re the only slayer left in the world now, Faith.”

Ah, I see what her deal is. And for some fucked up reason I wanna make her feel better so I get serious.

“It’s only a title, Buffy. Doesn’t change what’s in here.” I point to my heart.

She points to her own heart and says shakily, “But what’s in here doesn’t beat.”

I shake my head, she’s one fucked up lil’ sis. I wonder if she’d stayed in here if it woulda been better for her. No use cryin’ over what coulda been. Gotta make her stop the self pity.

“Ya don’t need it to beat to for you to feel somethin’.” I should know I’ve had no heart for the past six months since you left, baby. “For it to tell you what you’re doin’ is good; that you’re on the right track.”

She looks like that somehow made her feel better. Like it clicked in her mind. She’s got that small smile on her face and I feel sick. Sick in love and I can’t do anything about it.

She’s got bigger shit than me to deal with, so I decide to make things easier for her.

“You’ll be okay, Buffy. You’re always okay.”

“I wish I had someone to help me…”

“Ya got tons of people helpin’ you, just don’t shove ‘em off.”

All of a sudden she looks at me, like deeply and I get worried. She doesn’t say anything, she just stares.

“What? I got a smudge on my face or somethin’?”

“I just realized what color your eyes are…” She says in a whisper.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’m gonna kill Red for real, all this fuckin’ cryptic shit.

“Yeah, shit brown, nice huh?”

“I remember something…”

Oh fuck, here it comes.

“What, B?” My heart is startin’ to get that fuckin’ hopeful feelin’…

She looks like she’s embarrassed about somethin’, then she says, “I don’t know…I guess I saw Angel’s eyes when I saw yours.”

Of fucking course.

“Well, B. I’m glad you came here today, it was really enlightenin’. Did a lot for me. I feel all grown and stuff.”

“Faith, do you think I could…” I don’t say nothin’, don’t wanna get my hopes up. “Do you think I can…be what I was?”

‘Cause if I get my hopes up then shit like that happens and I’m crushed.

“I’m thinkin’ you already are, you just gotta believe that. Take care of yourself, Buffy.”

From a couple stalls over I hear, “Buffy?!”

Oh shit, it’s Deb. She gets up from her visit and comes over to the glass in front of B who looks horrified.

“Is this you?!” Deb’s showin’ her tattoo to B.

The guards come and haul a freaked out Deb away. She’s gonna get another trip to the hole, this day’s not lookin’ so bad afterall.

“Did you…did you tattoo my name on that woman’s arm?”

“Me? Nah. She used to date that porn chick ‘Buffie the Body’ before she hit her head and ended up in jail. Now she can’t remember how she got the tat.”

“Oh…but I think that woman spells her name…”

B knows a porn chick? Fuck, she’s killin’ me. I wanna forget her and all she does is make me love her more.

“Deb’s stupid too, she can’t spell. Look, I gotta go, Buffy. You’ll be fine, just lead.”

“Thanks, I will.” She says sittin’ there kinda puzzled. I hang up the phone without lookin’ at her again and leave.

Gotta do what Red said and just go back to doin’ what I was doin’.

*****

Turns out my parole hearin’ couldn’t be sped up, so much for havin’ the Warden on your side. I had to wait another six months, I just had it yesterday and now I’m goin’ to see Phyllis. They only make a quick decision like this when it gets rejected, and it wasn’t exactly a warm and fuzzy meetin’. Felt like I had an anal exam with a bazooka.

Now I gotta go in and hear Phyllis’ good news about her election.

“You wanted to see me Phyllis?”

“Faith, did you see it? Did you see the news?!”

“Yeah, L.A.’s got some freaky thing goin’ on with the lights, they forget to pay their power bill or somethin’?”

“No, not that! Well, yes there’s something going on that I’ll need to investigate further, but…”

I smile at her, “’Course I saw it, what’re you crazy? We held a party in your honor in good old C block. We were gonna invite you, but…ya know…”

She laughs.

“I’m very grateful to you, Faith. I know you don’t think so, but you’ve helped a tremendous amount.” She takes off her glasses and comes to stand right in front of me. “You were an inspiration for me to go after what I wanted.”

I’m thinkin’ maybe she’s standin’ to close.

“Is this still about the Mayor thing? ‘Cause…”

She looks puzzled for a second and then laughs. “Oh, Faith! You really are a funny girl.” She says and steps back a bit. “Sorry, when I get happy I tend to crowd people.”

“S’ok.”

“There’s some more good news today, you know.”

“Oh yeah? Is it burrito day in the mess hall?”

“No, you’re getting out of here today.”

What? “Say that again, I must’ve heard you wrong.”

“You’re going to be released in a few hours.” She says all excited. “You’re getting out of here. Your parole was granted.”

“You’re a funny girl too, Phyllis. Don’t play.”

Her face gets serious, “I mean it. As soon as I sign your release papers you’ll be processed and out the door. I wanted you to be here when I signed them.”

She presses a button on her intercom thing and tells her secretary that we’re ready.

Eddie, Onetta, Brian, Malika and Jerome come in with a big cake on a cart and are all smilin’ at me. Onetta’s got tears in her eyes.

“No…really?” I’m stunned.

Phyllis nods, she’s got tears in her eyes too.

She waits until everyone’s gathered around and she goes to her desk and picks up a pen. It’s a really nice lookin’ pen.

She bends down, and I don’t check out her ass, then she signs the paper on her desk and comes over to me and hands me the pen. I’m fuckin’ still stunned. She gives me a hug and I finally return it after a minute.

“I’m going to miss you, but I’m so happy for you, Faith. You have no idea.”

“I don’t know what to say…I can’t believe this.”

“Just blow out your candles.” Brian says and I notice they’ve got the cake all lit up.

I look at it and my vision goes all blurry. I’ve got the tears goin’ now too, and that hasn’t happened in a while.

Someone says make a wish and I close my eyes and when I’ve got a solid one, I open ‘em up and blow out the candles.

Eddie asks what I wished for and Onetta hits him, “Don’t you know it won’t come true if she tells?”

“Well, it kinda already did.”

“It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” Phyllis says.

It was.

“What’re your plans now, honey?” Onetta asks. “You got anyone waitin’ for ya?”

“Sorta, but she doesn’t know it yet.”

I get some laughs and a blush from Malika, Jerome and Phyllis, guess they didn’t really know I liked girls.

“Well, here’s to you and her, huh?” Eddie lifts his paper cup of punch. Everyone else toasts to that and I start feelin’ a little nervous.

It’s actually happenin’.

*****

Damn, maybe I shoulda called before I came here. Don’t wanna come all this way just to get tossed on my ass.

I’ll probably get the door slammed in my face, but there’s some major shit goin’ down and I can help. So maybe I’ve got a chance.

I just hope she sees it that way.

I buzz the door and wait. When she opens it I see hopefulness then disgust. She looks way tired.

“What are you doing here?”

“Thought you could use some help from a Slayer.”

She looks like I said that to hurt her, then recovers, “Aren’t you supposed to be locked up for like a gazillion years?”

“Twenty five to life, and I got out for good behavior.”

“I’m serious Faith, all I need is more trouble.”

“I’m serious too. You got a spare bed for an ex-con?”

She slams the door in my face and I then I hear her yell, “Come in.”

I knew it. I just smile and shake my head.

Fuckin’ Cordelia, always the mega bitch.

XII

“Yes, Faith! Oh my God!” She gasps and groans as she comes in my mouth.

When her thighs finally calm down and release my head, I slink my way up her body and outta the top of the covers. I hover above her, watchin’ the look of joy on her face.

“Mmmm, Faith.” It sounds like she’s purrin’. “Who needs an alarm clock…”

“When they’ve got me?” I laugh. “Shut up, Cor.”

I flop down on the bed and roll over onto my back.

“Mmmm…” She’s baskin’ in the afterglow. “Tell me something, Faith…”

“Yeah?”

“How long have you been here now?”

“’Bout a month.”

“And in all that time you’ve never let me return the favor.” She turns over and props her head up on her hand lookin’ at me. “Isn’t that frustrating for you?”

“You complainin’?”

“No, I just find it curious.”

I look at her and shrug, “I figured you ain’t a dyke, I like givin’ pleasure, it’s a win-win.”

“It seems to me like you’re trying to erase your memory of someone else.”

Fuck this. I throw back the covers and sit up on the side of the bed, “Not that I don’t appreciate a shrink session…but you’re not my shrink.”

“Faith, you should call her.” Cordy says and lays a hand on my back.

“Fuck you talkin’ ‘bout, Cor?” I shrug her off and get up to grab my towel.

“You know exactly what and who I’m talking about, Faith.”

“No, Cordy, I don’t.” I say, as I go into her bathroom.

“I can see…”

I just slam the door, cuttin’ off the rest of her sentence.

I turn on the shower and put both taps on full force so it drowns out her naggin’ me through the door. I like her and all, but she’s such a fuckin’ bitch.

Cordy and I sorta got together the night I came here. I’d just fought my way through L.A. to get to Angel’s old digs and she was freaked outta her mind ‘cause she and Gunn were the only two left from their crew. We did each other a solid. Or as she just pointed out, I did her a solid then got myself off in the shower. I’ve been doin’ it the same way ever since.

She hasn’t mentioned anything about anyone else. ‘Til now.

We’ve just been fightin’ and fuckin’ since I got here. And sometimes we fight demons.

Seems that before Angelus got dusted by Buffy, he set this Beast thing free and the sun got blocked out around L.A. So for the past month we’ve been tryin’ to keep the demon population down, while also tryin’ to hunt and kill this fucker.

Well, I say “we” but it’s just me and Gunn most nights. Cordy’s been gettin’ these visions that put her outta commission for a while, so she can’t be out in the field. ‘Sides, who’d want her taggin’ along complainin’ how “drab” everything looks and how much of a shame it is that the spring collection isn’t gonna be out this year? She’s been on my fuckin’ back to beat this bastard so she can wear the “hautest of couture”, or whatever the fuck she said.

That’s me, Faith the Fashion Saver.

When I get out, she’s waitin’ for me. Leanin’ up against the wall, lookin’ at her nails and ready to unleash all the shit she’s been savin’ since I slammed the door in her face. I walk out naked and go to my pile of clothes.

“Don’t you ever slam the door in my face again, Faith! Do you hear me?”

“What? You do it to me all the time; I thought it was like foreplay for you.”

I find my pants, but not decent shirt.

“Stop being such a stubborn bitch. Look, I’m not suggesting you call her to declare your undying love for her. Did you think of calling her to help with the Beast?”

“You don’t like how I’m doin’ my job? I’m not good enough for you?” I say all irritated.

I feel her warm hand on my back and it relaxes me for a second…until she opens her mouth again.

“You’re more than good enough for me, but you should be with her.”

I sigh and pull away. The black shirt I have in my hand’ll do, I pull it on.

“Cordelia, please, I’m only gonna ask this once. Can you please stop talkin’ so much shit? ‘Specially when I have no idea who you’re talkin’ about.”

“Buffy Summers. 5’2” bottle blonde. Tragic fashion victim?”

“She’s not really a bottle blonde.” I say, before I have a chance to censor myself.

“Oh no?” Cordy smirks at me. “Pray tell how you know that, Faith.”

I sigh and start lookin’ for some socks.

“I’m not ‘pray telling’ nothin’.”

“I knew you two got together back when you first came to Sunnydale! Xander owes me some cold hard cash.”

“No we didn’t, so slow your roll, slick.” I can’t find any socks ‘cept the ones I took off last night. I get down on the floor and snag ‘em from under the bed.

“Oh, that’s gross, Faith. Here.” She goes to a drawer and picks out a pair of socks.

“I’m not wearing your Victoria’s Secret crap; they don’t work with the boots.”

“These are yours. I don’t know why you can’t remember I’ve given you a drawer, even though you have a whole room of your own.”

Since I’ve been out, I don’t really like sleepin’ alone. It’s fuckin’ weird and I can’t really explain it. Maybe it’s from bein’ alone all that time in the joint. Or maybe from when I wasn’t.

I take the socks from her and get up to sit on the bed. She sits right next to me and keeps yappin’.

Mostly I block it out, ‘cause you really have no idea how much this girl likes to hear herself talk. When she starts sayin’ me and B were meant for each other, and that I’m a fool for not callin’ her, at least to tell her I’m out and helpin’ in L.A., I kinda tune in even though I don’t wanna.

When she finally takes a breath I get up to get my boots. Her hand catches mine and it stops me.

“You know I like you, Faith, but I’m not her. Call.”

I close my eyes and gather strength.

“I gotta go check the weapons.” I mutter while pullin’ my hand away from her. I snatch my boots off the floor and leave the room.

And yeah, you better believe I slammed that fuckin’ door, just not full force.

I go downstairs and start gettin’ the day’s weapons in order.

“Morning, Faith.” Gunn says as he’s comin’ down the stairs. “I felt the walls shake, so I figured you were finally up.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I grunt. “Where the fuck did I put my axe?”

“Hey, no need to take it out on me. I was just joking.” He puts his hands up defensively.

I give him a look and he stops the bullshit.

“It’s over behind the desk. You said you were gonna sharpen the blade.”

“Yeah, why d’you think I’m lookin’ for it.” Shit, does everyone have to fuckin’ get on my last nerve?

Gunn snaps to it, he can feel fuckin’ with me won’t get him anywhere today. That’s why I dig the dude. Xander would just keep pushin’ until I snapped and took his head off, but Gunn gets it and shuts the fuck up.

“So, you gonna call that Slayer friend of yours?”

Or not.

He keeps goin’ when I don’t say anything, “We could really use the help.”

“Yeah? Well it turns out I’m all you got.” I hold the axe up and look at the blade. Then I look at him. “You got a problem with that?”

“Yeah I got lot’s of problems, but I know you’re not gonna listen right now, so let’s get going.”

“Smart man.”

We sharpen and check the rest of the weapons and then gather ‘em all up to take with us.

“You gonna tell Cordy we’re going?”

“She fuckin’ knows everything already, why bother?”

He can’t argue with that, and just shrugs. He holds the door open for me. Dude’s got manners, I’ll give him that.

Feels weird to be slayin’ at eight in the fuckin’ mornin’, but that’s what happens when there’s no fuckin’ sun.

*****

When we get back later that night, Cordy’s all laid out on the couch. Probably had another vision.

We don’t disturb her and I go grab another shower while Gunn goes to do what he does.

She wakes up when I kneel down to check if she’s breathin’.

“Hey, you…” She sounds fuckin’ wiped.

“Hey, you too.” I smile, she looks relieved at that.

“I’m sorry about before.”

“Ya can’t help it, I get it.”

“Have you been back long?” She goes to sit up, but it looks like she’s in some pain so I stop her.

“Long enough to grab a shower. You okay?” I ask as I massage the back of her head a little.

“Mmmm, yeah.” She moans and sighs.

“You have another vision?”

“No, I’m just recovering from you.”

That makes me laugh, “Hey, you don’t want me to bother you? Start lockin’ your door.”

“Yeah, like a lock’s gonna stop you.” She sits up and I take the seat next to her.

“It could.”

She quirks an eyebrow at me.

“For a minute or two,” I smile.

“Try two seconds and then I’ve got a broken lock and a splintered door jamb, no thanks.” She rolls her eyes at me.

“Hey, it’s not like I’m a brute or somethin’.”

“No, just brutish,” Her face goes from playful to serious. “How’d it go out there?”

I shrug, “Same old, same old. Can’t find the Beast, but killed a shit load of vamps and demons.”

She gets a concerned look on her face, “I don’t think I’m up to it tonight, Faith…I mean…”

“Don’t worry.” I smile. “I took care of it, now all I need to do is eat.”

“I’ll call for something. You okay with pizza?”

“Who isn’t?” I look at her like she’s nuts.

“Pizza it is. I’ll call the one that has the armored delivery.”

She leans forward and picks up the phone from the coffee table. I feel playful and pull her onto my lap, tryin’ to tickle her and make her laugh.

“Quit it!” She laughs. “You’re only hurting yourself here you know…what if I order wrong?”

“It’s pizza Cordy, the only way you could order wrong is if you called the Chinese place instead.” Damn, now I’m thinkin’ about Chinese.

“I saw that look,” She presses the end button on the phone and redials. “Yes, I’d like to place an order for delivery. Three large beef lo meins, three General Tso’s chicken dinners all with fried rice, Faith stop! No sorry I was talking to my friend. Three large orders of spare ribs. One small sushi, extra ginger,” She covers the mouth piece. “Charles do you want anything?”

Gunn’s walkin’ past the couch goin’ to the front door, “Yeah, I’ll take the Happy Family, Brown rice and a spring roll.”

“Happy Family, Brown rice and a spring roll.”

I’m payin’ more attention to tryin’ to make Cordy laugh than what’s goin’ on at the door. I shouldn’t fuckin’ do shit like that…

Gunn announces we have a guest.

‘Cause when I get distracted, shit like this happens.

Cordy quickly orders more sushi, then gets up off my lap like it was made of fire.

“Buffy, how was your trip?” She overcompensates with a way too cheery attitude and her special brand of word vomit. “Do you need something to drink? How’s Xander? Oh! I ordered you sushi, we’re getting takeout.”

Buffy’s standin’ there tryin’ to process what she just saw and then shakes the image outta her head.

“Cramped, grape juice if you have it, he’s a little chunkier and great, I’m starving.”

Cordy’s all wide-eyed and scared, “I’ll go get drinks.” I’m surprised she even has the nerve to look at me when she asks, “The usual for you Faith?”

“Nah, make it a double. Forget it, just bring the whole fuckin’ bottle.”

“You know you’re not supposed to have it! I’ll bring you a coke, and you can pretend there’s something else in it.”

Buffy’s just standin’ there like she’s waitin’ for somethin’.

My heart feels like it’s gonna explode in my chest, but I don’t let on that her bein’ here is gettin’ to me.

“Where are my manners? Gunn this is Buffy, Buffy this is Gunn.”

They shake hands, and Gunn chickens out and says he’s gonna help Cordy in the kitchen.

Fuckin’ assholes.

“So what brings you to L.A., B? Wanna work on your not-tan?”

She ignores the joke and just quirks an eyebrow.

“I thought you could use some help.”

“Really? Why? I got this.”

“Yeah, I can see how you’ve ‘got this’, Faith. I slayed more vampires at the bus depot downtown here then I did in all of Sunnydale last week.”

“You sayin’ I’m sloppy? That I can’t handle it?”

“I’m saying I’m here to help. Are you saying you don’t want it?”

“Yes, we do!” Cordy says comin’ out of the kitchen and givin’ Buffy her grape juice. “We absolutely do.” Cordy shoots me a look. “Faith?”

“Cordy?”

“Play nice.” She hands me my coke.

“Screw this.” I put the glass down on the coffee table and go upstairs.

When the door slams closed part of the door jamb splinters off and knocks over some of the things on Cordy’s dressing table. Her bottle of perfume smashes on the floor.

Oh fuck. She’s gonna kill me.

It takes me a while to get my breathin’ under control and the perfume ain’t helpin’, ‘cause it’s the same shit Buffy wears and I feel like I’m gonna choke.

I get up and open the door. Buffy’s standin’ there about to knock.

“Come to punch me out, B? What’s new, right?”

I can’t tell her I’d take a shit load of her punches if only she remembered one minute of what we had together, but she doesn’t, so I go back to bein’ the Faith she remembers.

I push past her and she follows me, “Faith, wait…”

“For what, Buffy? For you to show me all the ways I’m not good enough?”

“What?”

“Nothin’, look, just go back to Sunnydale, I’m takin’ care of this.”

“Why can’t you let me help you?”

I don’t answer, ‘cause I don’t have one to give her. Least not one that makes sense, but I ain’t admittin’ shit.

I make my way into the room that’s supposed to be mine and go to slam that door, but she’s right behind me and sticks her hand up to catch it. Sounds like a fuckin’ bomb went off when her fist hits the wood.

“Shit, B.” She must be gettin’ frustrated. “Ok, stay, whatever. I don’t really fuckin’ care what you do. Just stay outta my way.”

I sit on the chair across from my bed and pretend to check my weapons chest. I can still spot her outta the corner of my eye, she’s standin’ in the doorway tryin’ to see what’s inside my head.

“When were you going to tell me?”

My heart races faster than it was already, but I don’t admit that either.

“Tell you what?”

“That you got out.”

‘Course. She was worried about gettin’ dusted.

“What, I gotta report to you now?”

She waits a little before answerin’, “No. But it would be nice to have a heads up.”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna come and kill ya, so I figured ya didn’t need any kinda heads up.”

“It still would have been nice to know.”

“Why?”

“So we could help each other.”

“You don’t need any help…” I look up at her hammerin’ this point home. “…‘specially not mine.”

For a second she looks like I kicked her in the gut, then she tones it down.

“Well, I need it now.” She narrows her eyes at me. “There’s a lot going on in Sunnydale at the moment.”

I point to the window, “And there’s not a lot goin’ on here? What’s up in SunnyD? The Espresso Pump run outta mocha?”

“No. The First is back.”

Oh shit. I sit back in my chair feelin’ like an asshole.

“The First that made Angel wanna kill himself?”

She nods, lookin’ sad.

“Yes, that ‘First’.There’s really only one.”

Back then, I wished he’d died that night, I was so pissed at him for hoggin’ B. I was lookin’ forward to spendin’ Christmas with her, I felt like somethin’ mighta happened. She had mistletoe over the door in her room…fuck, gotta cut this shit out.

“What’s it doin’ now?”

“It’s trying to end the Slayer line and then the world.” She shrugs, “You know: the usual.”

“So, it’s tryin’ to end the Slayer line, but it’s in Sunnydale?” I say, feelin’ bitter. “Fuckin’ typical.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just another way I’m showed how much I don’t matter.”

She looks hurt by that, but I must’ve imagined it.

“The First is starting with the potential Slayers, we figure it’s going in order.”

“All the potential Slayers are livin’ in Sunnydale?”

She nods, “In my house, as a matter of fact. Kinda sucks because there’s still only the one bathroom…”

“So how come you’re here? Shouldn’t you be there, makin’ speeches and teachin’ ‘em how to slay in those cute boots of yours that got no traction?”

She narrows her eyes, “Just because I slipped on some demon blood and had to grab you to stop my fall, that doesn’t mean you have to throw it back in my face three years later.”

“You ripped my leather.”

“So I’ll get you a new one! There are tons of lovely recently vacated stores I’m sure’ll be to your liking.”

“Want. Take. Have. On an epic scale, huh?”

She laughs and shakes that question off. Things go quiet between us.

“Can you let me help you?” She asks, softly.

“What’s in it for you?”

“You come back with me and help with the First.”

I get up from the chair and walk towards her, and she steps to the side lettin’ me pass.

“I smell General Tso’s.” I mumble over my shoulder. “Time to eat and then you can come with me. You’re not ready when I am? You can stay and listen to Cordy.”

She shudders, “Got it.”

*****

The whole dinner part of our night was pretty much spent in silence. I ate mine standin’ at the counter facin’ away from them. Didn’t wanna see ‘em tryin’ to make small talk with their faces lookin’ like a bomb was about to go off.

When I was done, I washed up and then grabbed my jacket.

“Ok, we’re keepin’ this huntin’ party tight.”

I say that every night as we’re gettin’ ready to go out. It just sounds funny to me. Gunn laughs at it too.

“I’d say three was pretty tight.” Buffy says, pullin’ on her jacket.

“Most nights it’s tighter, right Chuck?”

“Oh, definitely. The tightest.”

“That’s the word of the month.” I point at Buffy. “Tight!”

“Faith, I get it,” Buffy’s startin’ to get annoyed. “It’s tight. Can we just go?”

I look at her and wait until she looks at me again before sayin’, “Tighter than a nun’s…”

“FAITH!” Both Cordy and Buffy yell at the same time.

“…habit.” I smirk. “What’d you two sickos think I was gonna say?”

They both roll their eyes at me. Funny that I see a lot of their personalities in each other.

Me, Buffy and Gunn leave the hotel.

“Be careful, dude. We’ll see you back here later.”

“You got it, Faith. See you later.” He says and walks off in a different direction.

“He’s not coming with the tightest hunting party in the world?”

“It’s only funny when I do it, B. And no, he’s got his job. He should be back at the hotel when we get there.”

“What’s his job?”

“None of your business.” I say, leavin’ her behind to slay a vamp that’s preyin’ on a junkie.

“So glad I came,” Buffy mutters and I let it slide.

As we approach City Hall Buffy gets a puzzled look on her face.

“They’ve put barbed wire around City Hall?”

“Yeah, keeps the demons from tryin’ to climb the walls. ‘Sides I think the Mayor gets it at a discount.”

“We’re going to see the Mayor?”

“Yeah, she’s kinda a friend and I help her with stuff.”

“You’re working for the Mayor again.” She says like it’s funny to her.

I stop in my tracks and she almost crashes into my back.

My eyes are closed and I’m tryin’ to keep calm.

“I’m sorry,” She says quietly. “I’ll shut up now.”

“Good.”

I keep goin’ and the guards at the door don’t even ask for I.D., they just let me in.

“They don’t do security checks?”

“Don’t need to.”

“Do I want to ask?”

“Better if you didn’t.” It’s really nothin’ complicated: some infrared thing I’ve got on the lapel of my jacket. The glass in their protective goggles has somethin’ in it to detect if it’s legit. Plus, Cordy called and told ‘em I’d be bringin’ a guest. I’m just messin’ with B and makin’ her think we’ve got better shit at our disposal than she does.

We get up to the top floor and more guards are there. They wave us through.

“Faith, I’m so glad you got here in one piece.” Phyllis gets up from her desk and comes around to give me a hug.

“Damn, Phyl, you got some fortress out there. Every day there’s more and more stuff surroundin’ it.”

“Like you’ve taught me, you can never be too careful when it comes to demons.” She says when we break from the hug. “This must be, Buffy.” She holds out her hand for Buffy to shake.

“It’s an honor to meet you, your…honor?”

“That title’s not good enough, B. Phyllis here’s a ‘Your Excellency’.”

She sees the bullshit in my face, “Shut up, Faith.”

“Just call me Phyllis, Buffy. I’m glad to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

“So, what’s the what on the Beast, Phyl?”

“He’s most likely hiding out in a warehouse down near the docks.”

“The one they’re doin’ all the renovations in?”

“How did you know?”

“Place is full of marble and concrete, probably feels like he’s with family down there.”

Phyllis laughs and Buffy gives me her confused face.

“The thing’s made of fuckin’ steel, reinforced titanium and molten hell rock. Cracked a rib when I brushed up against him.”

“He can’t be broken?”

“We’re gonna find out,” I nod at Phyllis. “You get the stuff I asked for?”

“It’s already on its way to the Hyperion.”

I give her a smile, “Damn, now that’s what I call service.”

“This office aims to please.” She winks at me.

Buffy keeps lookin’ at her with a confused face. I wonder if she’s tryin’ to place her.

“What’s being delivered?” She asks.

“Rocket launcher. You’ll be usin’ that. Some grenades, grapplin’ hooks…Stuff that’ll help hold him so we can blast through that outer shell and hurt him.”

“I’m glad he’s down at the warehouse. They’re blasting in the area for construction, people will just assume it was that.” Phyllis says.

“God bless capitalism, huh?” I laugh. “Apocalypse goin’ on and they keep right on buildin’.”

Phyllis looks at me and she’s got that “Mom” face. Well she’s still a MILF, but I don’t perv on her as much since I’ve been gettin’ some almost every night.

“Besides all of this, how are you doing, Faith?”

“Couldn’t be better.”

“You’re getting to your parole meetings on time?”

“Yep, when we have ‘em, that is.”

“I know, and I’m trying to work on that, but since I’ve had to pull all the desk people to help out in the streets, things have been a little loose.”

“I get it, don’t worry. Not like I’m complainin’ or nothin’.”

“Well, I’m grateful for that. And for everything you’re doing for the City, you’ve saved my behind so many times…”

“Hey, uh uh. You’re the one that saved me, remember? So cut the crap.”

She sighs and gives up, she knows she can’t win.

“Will you call me when you’re done with the Beast?”

“As soon as we kick his ass.”

“Please be careful. When will I see you next?”

“I’ll be around, just let me know if you need me.”

“Thanks for coming by.”

She comes over and hugs me again then slips me what I really came here for. She says goodbye to B who’s been real quiet.

On our way out she starts bein’ unquiet.

“So you told the Mayor about vampires and demons?”

“This isn’t Sunnydale, B. We actually deal with things here and don’t just shove it under the carpet. ‘Sides when I came here she was waist deep in ‘em.”

“She knows you’re a Slayer?”

“We don’t talk in those kinda terms. She knows I can kick some major ass and we leave it at that.”

“How did you meet?”

“In prison.”

“She was an inmate?”

“Yeah, they let convicted felons run the city.”

“Do you have to be such a bitch?”

“I don’t know, do you?”

She stops and looks at me. I see a million fuckin’ questions and things she’s dyin’ to let come out, but she doesn’t say anything. She just gives me that holier than thou Buffy “fuck you” face and starts walkin’ again.

We spend the rest of the trip back to the hotel in silence. Fine by me, ‘cause she’d probably start askin’ about how me and Cordelia hooked up and if it’s serious and if we were “goin’ steady” and all that other kinda relationship bullshit that I don’t like dealin’ with. At least not with her.

When we get back, Cordy’s tryin’ to stop the bleedin’ comin’ from Gunn’s head.

“You got jumped?”

“What else is new?”

“You find him?”

“Yeah, and he kicked my ass.”

“Who?” Buffy asks.

I look at Cordelia and she nods her head.

I let out a long breath before sayin’, “The Boy Watcher.”

“Wesley?”

I nod.

“What’s…?” Buffy sees the look on Cordelia’s face and the light bulb goes off. “He’s a vampire?”

“A fuckin’ good one too. Gotta give him that.” I say truthfully. “Fuckin’ English are ruthless, dude! If Giles ever gets turned, I’m fuckin’ goin’ into hidin’.”

“You’re goin’ out there every night trying to kill him?” Buffy asks Gunn.

“No, just tracking him.”

“Why?”

He starts to answer, then looks at me and stops.

Buffy looks at me, “Why?”

“You’re not the only one who deserves a soul.”

Her face looks like it’s one of those Claymation things, so many thoughts and questions are goin’ through her head, but for some reason, she doesn’t ask ‘em.

“How can I help?” She finally asks.

“Well, since Wes knows we were lookin’ for him, that ship’s sailed for tonight. So we go after the Beast now.”

“I’m sorry, Faith.” Gunn says.

“No need, Chuck, you did what you could. We’ll try again tomorrow. You rest now, me and B got this other thing.”

“You sure?”

“’Course.” I give him a wink and a smile.

Cordelia smiles at me, and Buffy goes to the door.

She turns back to us and says, “Delivery’s here.”

“Tell ‘em to go to the service entrance.”

After they finish droppin’ off the stuff we open the boxes. Damn, it’s like Christmas for Slayers! Buffy takes out the rocket launcher and fuck, if she doesn’t look good with it.

Okay, gotta stop thinkin’ shit like that. I don’t need it. It’s hard enough just bein’ in the same room with her.

“How do we get all of this stuff there?” Buffy asks.

“We don’t. We load up what we can and the rest we leave here.

“Aren’t you afraid of robbers?”

“Let ‘em try,” I say as I take a huge knife outta the box and unsheathe it.

“Now, how’d she know I wanted one of these?” I smile.

Buffy rolls her eyes, “You and the knives.”

As we’re strappin’ ammo and shit onto ourselves and packin’ stuff into the bags, I suddenly realize somethin’.

“You need blood, B? We got a boat load in the downstairs freezer.”

“No, I’m good.”

Somethin’ else pops into my head. Since when do vamps eat sushi?

I don’t wanna get into it with her right now though. ‘Sides she probably just wanted to save face in front of Cordy. Ya know, actin’ like nothin’s different.

“Are we ready?” She says when she shoulders her bag of stuff.

I pick up my bag and sling it over my back.

“Let’s do this.”

*****

“I’ve heard of Slayers being extraordinary beings.” The Beast says after he using his fist to pummel me into some empty oil barrels. “I’m disappointed to find they’re like this…weak and unstable.” He gestures towards me.

“Well excuse fuckin’ me.” I moan.

“And such language that is used.”

“She’s got a problem. Like Tourettes.” Buffy says, matter-of-factly, takin’ aim at the Beast tryin’ to get a shot at him.

I groan from where I am and turn over tryin’ to get to my feet.

“So have you,” The Beast says and holds his hand out, the rocket launcher springs into it like he’s made of magnets.

Oh fuck.

“Buffy, look out!”

She scrambles and jumps over a low wall as the rocket sails over her head and blasts out part of the warehouse’s outer wall.

“I don’t like these…human weapons.” The Beast says and then crushes the rocket launcher like it was made of paper. “I prefer a more civilized way of fighting.”

I stand in front of him and start pummelin’ his chest. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so shit scared, ‘cause he’s standin’ there like I’m a two year old punchin’ on her Dad. I’m hopin’ to distract him long enough for B to get some more of the weapons.

Either that or for her to think of some way to beat it, ‘cause that last blow to my head isn’t helpin’ me do my best thinkin’.

I can see Buffy movin’ outta the corner of my eye and I just keep wailin’ on the dude, tryin’ to keep him distracted. She stands behind him and pulls yankin’ some of his outer shell right off of him. That must’ve hurt like shit, and he back hands me and I go flyin’ into a wall.

One of the things I see through a hazy fog is Buffy holdin’ the piece of the Beast she broke off and lookin’ puzzled. Then I see her get that look like she understands, and stabs she him in the back with it.

Light shoots outta him and up through the ceilin’ of the warehouse.

I see his big ass dust and crumble before I decide to go with what my body wants and pass out.

As I’m goin’ under I hear Buffy say, “Giles was right, the only thing that can kill the Beast is himself. Faith?”

I can’t answer her ‘cause I’m already out.

*****

I hope I’m dreamin’ ‘cause if this is how it is when I’m awake I’m gonna be fuckin’ pissed. It’s all pitch black and I feel like I’m bein’ held down by a ton of elephants.

Wait, do elephants weigh a ton by themselves? Oh fuck, not good, I’m babblin’ in my dream.

Some mist clears and I see Buffy in a flowy white dress. I call to her thinkin’ it might be one of those Slayer dreams, but it’s not ‘cause she can’t hear me.

“Is she going to be okay?” Cordelia in a black flowin’ dress comes up to her and asks.

“The doctor said it’s temporary, she should be out of it in another day or so.”

“I’m glad you were here to help, Buffy.”

Damn, I must not be dreamin’ so much as hearin’ what’s goin’ on around me and my mind’s fillin’ in the blanks.

The Cordy in my head goes over to Buffy and hugs her. Soon they’re kissin’ and rubbin’ on each other.

Fuck, man. Those are definitely some awesome blanks my mind is fillin’ in.

“Faith?”

My eyes blink open and Cordy’s there, sittin’ beside me on the bed.

“Hey,” It comes out a bit scratchy.

“Hey yourself,” She smiles. “You were moaning, so I figured you might finally be joining us in the land of the newly restored sun. Isn’t it great? Buffy did it.”

“Could you pull the curtain, it’s too bright.”

“Well, it was good while it lasted.” Cordy sighs and gets up. “You want something to drink.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. How long I been out?” I try to shake the cobwebs from my head.

“A day and a half.”

I sit up and somethin’ pinches at my hand. Fuck, an IV. I pull it out and Cordy winces.

She notices me lookin’ at her and explains, “Phyllis sent a doctor.” I keep lookin’ at her and she gets it. “Right, what did you want to drink?”

“Orange Juice would be good. Bring the carton.” I stretch out and feel my bones and joints pop and crack. I let out a huge sigh and flop back down into the pillows. Wouldn’t mind Cordy waitin’ on me hand and foot for a couple of days, feels like I’ll need ‘em to recover.

When I hear her comin’ back I ask, “Buffy leave?”

“No, she didn’t.” Buffy says bringin’ in the carton of juice.

I close my eyes for a couple seconds and try to calm down. I open ‘em to her sittin’ on the bed handin’ me the carton.

“Don’t drink it too fast.”

I take it from her and open it up. Tippin’ my head back, I lift the carton and let the juice fall down my throat. Whole thing’s gone in like four seconds. Gotta be some kinda record.

I let out a huge burp and crush the carton in my hand. Buffy looks annoyed as she fans the air.

“Nice one.” She says.

“I try.”

“How are you feeling?”

I think about it for a couple of seconds, then I bring up both my hands like I’m holdin’ a basketball, “Big head,” Then I pinch my thumb and fore finger together to make it look like I’m holdin’ a grape. “Tiny body.”

“You did take a couple blows to the head that really made me cringe.”

“How ‘bout you?”

“Nothing really, you took the brunt of it.”

“Was tryin’ to keep him occupied so you could do what you,” I don’t say it in a bitter way. Everybody knows B always makes somethin’ outta nothin’ and wins in impossible situations. That’s what makes her Buffy.

Who am I to fuck with that shit?

“I can’t believe a little passage in the biggest book ever was what it took to defeat that thing.”

“Good deal you listened to Giles.”

“Only partly,” She looks guilty and I wonder what she means.

I quirk an eyebrow at her.

“I got jelly on my shirt and was trying to get it out.” She shrugs, all embarrassed.

“Mmm, damn I could use a jelly donut or seventy right about now.”

“Cordy’s ordering some food. It should be here in a little bit.”

“You stickin’ around long?”

“Well, the deal was you’d come back to Sunnydale with me, right?”

Right. Damn I was hopin’ she’d forgotten ‘bout that. Don’t really feel like leavin’, and givin’ up the nightly sex me and Cordy’ve been havin’ and bein’ with a mind wiped B. ‘Cause I’ll just be takin’ orders, and not matterin’ to her. Not to mention havin’ to see Red and not kill her. Though, that one might still happen as an accident. Shit happens.

“Yep, that was the deal.”

“Are you up to traveling later today?”

I stretch out a little, listenin’ to what my body tells me.

“I should be okay in a couple of days. Tell ya what, why don’t you head back and I’ll be down soon, yeah?”

She looks at me for a moment then nods and asks: “Is your head bothering you much?”

I stretch my neck and move my head from side to side, “Not much, it doesn’t hurt to move it or nothin’. Guess it’s just as hard as the Beast was, nothin’s gonna break it.”

“Good.” She says as she gets up.

If I’d known the slap was comin’ I woulda done somethin’ about it, but all I can do now is sit here fuckin’ mute and taste the blood from where my teeth cut into my cheek.

“What the fuck was that for?!” I say when I’m finally over the shock and the bulk of the pain.

“For being a fucking liar, that’s what!” Buffy’s pissed and hoverin’ over me like she’s ready to slap again.

I push the covers back and get outta the bed.

“What fuckin’ lies?! I told you, I’ll be down in a couple of days. You don’t believe me? That’s your fuckin’ problem!”

“Five thousand times!” She says, all angry.

Five thousand times? I wrack my brain.

Oh, shit.

“’Oh, shit.’ is right!” She spits out.

Fuckin’ FUCK!

“You can read my thoughts?”

“No, I can see it written on your face, and yes, you’re in so much fucking trouble right now…”

“For what?!”

“For lying to me, for keeping everything from me. You knew about the spell and you didn’t say anything to me about it. Why were you protecting Willow?!”

“Protectin’ her? I wanted to fuckin’ kill her!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

I sit down heavily on the bed. Tryin’ to think of what the fuck just happened, and how I’m gonna explain why I didn’t tell her.

She moves to stand directly in front of me with her arms crossed waitin’. I look up at her briefly and feel like shittin’ my pants. She’s so fuckin’ mad right now, I’m surprised she’s not vampin’ out.

Finally after tryin’ to think of an answer that’s not gonna get me slapped or punched or harmed in any way, I can’t think of a good one so I chicken out.

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t accept that.”

“Whadda ya want me to say, Buffy? You want me to say sorry? I’m sorry, okay?”

“No, not okay. I want to know why you didn’t tell me.” She sounds calm but I can hear the danger in her voice. Makes me wonder about how glued that soul is to her. “Are you going to start talking?”

I fall back on the bed frustrated.

“I thought it was what you’d want.” I say with my eyes closed.

She laughs but it’s not a happy one, “I would want my memory erased?”

“I had nothin’ to do with that, Buffy. Why don’t you ask your best friend that shit?”

“Oh believe me, she’s been dealt with.”

I sit up, “You killed her?”

“No, I threw her out of the house.”

“Where’s she livin’ now? On the street?”

“No, she’s back…”

The confused look on my face stops her from talking.

She continues, “It’s complicated.”

“How?”

“Tara was killed by a bullet intended for me. Willow tried to end the world, Xander stopped her. She went away, I went away. Some other stuff happened and then I forgave her.”

“You’re right about it bein’ complicated.” I sigh. “Sorry to hear about Tara, she was nice.”

Buffy narrows her eyes at me.

“Yeah, okay, well, I made fun of her when I was wearin’ your face, but she looked nice. I could tell that.”

“I don’t care. You’re not answering me.”

“Fuck, B.”

“Was that an offer? Because I thought you were only fucking Cordy now.”

Oh my God, I’m in real deep shit right here.

“Fuck this. Whadda ya wanna hear? I didn’t love you enough? I didn’t care that you got ripped from me? Is that what you wanna hear?”

I get up and walk over to the window, lookin’ out at nothin’.

“If it’s the truth then fine, but don’t lie to me!” She yells at my back. “If you don’t love me, if you only told me that stuff to get me through so Willow could get me my soul back, then tell me that. But don’t tell me a bunch of lies and expect me to believe them just to get me out of your hair!”

When she talks again it’s quieter, “You said I could kill you five thousand times and your answer would still be the same. Were you lying to me? Was it just about the sex for you?”

She’ll never think I’m anything but a fuckin’ slut.

I turn around and get right up in her space, pullin’ her to me.

“This what you want?”

She feels so fuckin’ good, so right, that I just wanna stay like this forever.

I can tell she wants it, but I can also tell…

Yep, slapped again.

I let her go and she leaves the room. I run out after her.

“Hope you got all your jollies out, ‘cause you’re not fuckin’ touchin’ my face ever again!”

She picks up her jacket and doesn’t answer me.

“Thanks for everything, Cordy. I really appreciate it.”

Cordy gets up and they share a hug. Thought they hated each other. Huh.

“It was nothing, Buffy. Thanks for all your help; we really can’t thank you enough for bringing the sun back.”

“Gunn, it was a pleasure meeting you.” She shakes Gunn’s hand when she and Cordy stop huggin’.

“Likewise, Buffy and if you ever need anything…”

“I might, I’ve got your number, I’ll give you a call.”

She looks at me and just shakes her head but says, “I’d still like to have the help of the Slayer, if you’re not too busy. Don’t worry, I won’t ask you any more questions.”

This calm Buffy is scarin’ me more than when she was just yellin’ at me up in the room. I feel like fallin’ at her feet and beggin’ for her forgiveness, but since my head is like rock, that also means my heart is that way too. Or that’s what I tell myself.

“Like I said, I’ll see you in a couple of days. I keep my word now.”

She nods and just leaves.

I rub my cheek, probably still got her hand print on it.

Cordy just stands there lookin’ at me kinda like I just farted or somethin’.

“Does your face hurt?”

“I just got slapped twice by a Vamp/Slayer hybrid, whadda ya think?”

“Yeah, well it’s killing me too.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

She rolls her eyes at me and leaves to go upstairs.

“She’s no longer a vampire by the way.” Cordy throws casually over her shoulder.

I look at Gunn and he shrugs.

Fuck me.

XIII

As I’m leavin’ for Sunnydale, Cordy comes down to the door to see me off. She gives me a hug and tells me to take care of myself. I pull her in close and plant one on her. For a minute, she let’s herself get lost in the kiss, then pushes me away gently and looks into my eyes.

I’m gettin’ freaked out by havin’ to go see Buffy and I decide I wanna tell Cordy somethin’.

“Look, Cor, there’s somethin’ I wanna tell you.”

“If you’re gonna give me the old ‘If I don’t come back tell Junior I love him’ line, Faith, save it. Besides, we both know you’re not coming back.”

I don’t even listen to what she’s sayin’. Much. I’m serious here and I don’t wanna fuck this up.

“I love you,” I say, softly, givin’ her the most sincere look that I know how to give.

She looks stunned for a second and then breaks out into uncontrollable laughter. I mean the kind that has her snortin’ and bendin’ over ‘cause she can’t catch her breath.

“What the fuck, Cor?”

“Oh-oh, F-Faith…” She tries to get control of herself, but she’s havin’ trouble. Guess what I said was the funniest fuckin’ thing she’s ever heard. “Y-you…you’re not…” She realizes that I’m not fuckin’ around here. “You-you can’t be,” She takes a few breaths and calms herself finally. “You’re not serious?”

“I am. I love you.”

She looks like she’s gonna laugh again and I think I might slap her this time. She doesn’t really know how much I hate rejection. Probably figures since I’m used to it by now, it doesn’t matter.

She’s lookin’ into my eyes and sees somethin’ that makes her think twice about what I said and she stops the smart assed look.

“No you don’t, but thanks for saying it.” She leans in and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek.

“What the fuck is your problem, Cordelia? I tell you I love you and you laugh at me, then call me a liar?!”

“You are a liar and you know it! You’ve been lying to yourself since before you came here. You don’t love me, Faith. You love Buffy. You always have.”

I pull away from her and pick up my bag. “I’ll see ya around.” Don’t need her to hit the point home that I’m fuckin’ hopelessly in love with Buffy and it’s never gonna go anywhere.

She pulls the strap of my bag holdin’ onto it, tryin’ to prevent me from leavin’.

“Hey, now wait one minute, missy. First of all,” She struggles with me a little, ‘cause I’m not makin’ it easy on her to keep me where she wants me. “You can’t just say something like that without warning.”

I stop movin’ and look at her, “I told you I had something to say.”

She doesn’t seem to hear that and keeps goin’. “And secondly you’re so in love with Buffy it’s not even funny.”

“The fuck makes you so sure?” I’m lyin’ so fuckin’ hard through my teeth, but I’m also stubborn and I tell myself she’s full of shit.

Until she tells me about the time when she first noticed it.

“I saw it that night at the Bronze. If a lightning bolt had come down and imprinted ‘I love Buffy Summers’ on your forehead it couldn’t have been clearer.”

It’s true. I felt like I was struck by Cupid’s arrow, ‘cept the fucker shot it out of a Howitzer aimed directly at my heart when I saw Buffy standin’ outside the Bronze. I never considered myself gay before, but it threw me for one hell of a loop, that’s for fuckin’ true.

“Yeah, well I was just a stupid kid back then. You can’t hold that shit against me anymore than anyone can say you’re still that shallow bitch whose life revolved around cheerleading.”

“You’re right. I can’t hold that against you.”

“Thought so.”

“But what I can hold against you is what you’re throwing away now.” She looks deeper into my eyes and doesn’t let me look away. “There’s something there Faith, I saw it. You might want to live in denial and tell yourself you mean nothing to her, but that love you feel for Buffy? It’s mutual. She’s so sickly in love with you…”

“Save it Cordy. I’m goin’ down there to help destroy the First, then I’ll be back.”

“What makes you think we want you back?”

“Oh, so it’s like that now? I fuckin’ give you head almost every night and you’re gonna toss me out on my ass?”

I really shouldn’t do this kinda shit to my face. Her slap was definitely not as hard as Buffy’s but my inner cheek was still healin’ from that one, and the pain’s makin’ my eyes water.

I hold my hand to my cheek, “Thanks, Cor. I’ll treasure that one forever.”

“Don’t you dare leave after saying that to me.” She holds onto the strap of my bag in such a way that if I wanna leave I gotta drag her along with me. “You knew exactly what you were doing when you came onto me.”

“Hey, you didn’t seem to mind.”

“No I didn’t, but I knew you didn’t love me and you knew I wasn’t Buffy, so I was okay with helping you out.”

“Helpin’ me out? How’s you layin’ there like a…” I stop talkin’ ‘cause there’s fire behind those brown eyes of hers. I sigh, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you are sorry. You’re a sorry mother…”

“Cordy!”

“Listen to me, Faith. I’ll never forget what we had, but I’m not going to lie to myself and say it was something that it wasn’t and neither should you.”

I sigh, “It’s too late now, Cor. She’s mega pissed at me for not tellin’ her about the spell.”

Her eyes narrow at me and my stomach sinks, she’s gonna agree with me.

“Why do you hate yourself?”

“What?”

“You were the only one that knew about your relationship with Buffy and you didn’t tell Willow to reverse the spell. Why would you do that to yourself?”

I stare into her eyes for what seems like an hour. I finally lean in and give her a soft kiss on the lips. No tongue this time.

“See ya ‘round, Cor.”

She pulls me in for another tight hug and whispers in my ear, “Don’t you die, you stupid bitch. You hear me?”

I pull back from our hug and give her a big smile, “Loud and clear, Queen C. Loud and clear.”

“What, no ‘five by five’?”

I shrug. “It’s a new thing I’m tryin’.”

“You better get going.”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

“You’re coming back to help with Wes and for your parole meetings.”

“Yeah, still gonna miss you though.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

I walk away without lookin’ back and she calls out to me.

“Tell Xander he owes me fifty bucks!”

I turn around and walk backwards, “I thought the bet was about us gettin’ together back in the ‘Dale?”

“Nope, the bet was you’d get together by the end of next year. I’ve got a whole year to spare.” She smiles and I just shake my head and turn back around headin’ for the bus depot.

Sunnydale or bust.

*****

“I think we should vote.”

“No wait, we don’t get to vote until I’ve had a chance to bake cookies and…”

“Buffy, this is my house too.” Dawn steps up in front of her. “I think you should go.”

Fuck, I could slap that Pip Squeak right upside the mother fuckin’ head for doin’ her sister like that.

I been in Sunnydale for about three days and already two potentials have been killed or captured, Xander’s lost an eye, and they’ve just voted to toss B out on her ass.

Me and her haven’t been in the same room for more than five minutes since I got here. Seems she doesn’t wanna give me the fuckin’ time of day. Okay, I’m not exactly bein’ fair. It’s been fuckin’ nuts here and one of us is called away to do somethin’.

She grabs her jacket and doesn’t turn around to say nothin’ to anyone, she just leaves the house. I follow her out to the porch and call her name.

She stops, but doesn’t turn around to look at me.

“You’ve gotta know I didn’t want that in there.”

“Well you’ve got it. Just lead them, Faith.”

“Where you goin’?”

“I don’t know.”

“Buffy…” I feel like tellin’ her somethin’, anything to make her feel better. It sucks so hard to feel not wanted.

“Don’t Faith, even if you meant it. I…” She stops and then shakes her head. “I’ve gotta go.”

I don’t stop her ‘cause I can’t think of anything that would be right. Good thing she didn’t turn around, I musta looked like a fuckin’ fish tryin’ to say so many things, but havin’ ‘em all die on my lips.

When I get back inside everyone’s tryin’ to be the leader, but no one wants to be the person who makes the hard decisions.

“Hey!” I yell, grabbin’ everyone’s attention. “Buffy left. She was your last hope of gettin’ your voices heard. I do shit different and I’m not gonna pussyfoot around with any of you. Let’s get plannin’.” I nod to Giles and he nods back. Before I leave the livin’ room I give out a couple of orders, “Red, can you handle a locator spell?” She says she can and sounds surprised I spoke to her, I haven’t exactly been friendly to her since I got here. “The rest of you get the weapons ready.”

“You need me to do anything, Faith?” Wood, who looks like Gunn’s older brother, asks.

“Stay by your phone, when I need ya, I’ll call.”

He looks disappointed as I head off to join the gang in the kitchen.

Sorry dude, you’re not small and blonde, I got no room for ya.

“So what do you suggest, Faith?” Giles asks.

“Exactly what B said. We’re hittin’ the vineyard again.”

“What?!” Kennedy gets up in my face.

I keep lookin’ her dead in the eye as I ask Willow, “Red you into bald chicks? ‘Cause this one you’ve got here’s about to get scalped.”

“Kennedy…” Willow tries to reach her deaf girlfriend.

“Why are you being such a bitch about this, Faith?” Kennedy keeps right on pushin’. “I thought we voted.”

“First of all — you call me a bitch again and you’ll be a memory. Second of all — you dumb asses voted to kick out the only person who was gonna get you through this alive. I’m not Buffy, I don’t got what she does.”

“Faith…” Giles starts and I stop him.

“Save it for the troops, G, they’re gonna need it. I’ll be back in five.”

I go out to the back porch and take a deep breath. The cool night air’s helpin’ calm me down. When I hear the door open behind me and smell patchouli, I know Red’s come out to talk to me. I take my smokes out and light one up.

“Red?”

“Faith, I wanted to…”

I hold my hand up stoppin’ her from continuin’.

“But you have to know, I would have never…”

“But you did and I let you. Doesn’t matter that you didn’t know, I knew and that’s what she’s pissed off about.”

“What’re you gonna do now?”

I shrug and take a deep drag, then let out the smoke slowly from my nose.

“Nothin’ I can do. Guess I just gotta do the job I came here to do…after that we’ll see…”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Red, don’t…really.” I see why Buffy said she’d beat me to death if I ever apologized to her for everything I’d done. A five letter word’s not gonna do the trick to heal something so fuckin’ devastatin’. It’s just wrong.

She sighs but thankfully goes quiet.

After a while she says, “She’s somewhere on Camino Real. Can’t tell exactly which house though.”

“Thanks.”

“Not a problem. Let me know if you need anything else.”

Somehow I don’t think askin’ her for a “Good fuck with Buffy” would go over well. She’d probably choke on her spit.

Hmmm…Nah, we need her for the battle with the First.

*****

“Faith, what are we…”

“Faith, can we just…”

“Faith…”

“Faith, I have this…”

“Faith, are you listening?”

“Faith!”

The sound of me slammin’ the door sets off a shit storm, but I’m not gonna deal with that right now. Let them fuckin’ deal with what happens when you vote Buffy off the island.

I start to light a cigarette, and stop. Somethin’s pullin’ me so I put the smoke back in the pack and start walkin’ down the street in the direction of Camino Real.

When I get to the middle of the road, I start feelin’ it. The vibrations are gettin’ stronger with every step.

I look at the small house to the left of me and all the hair on my body stands on end. Hope my hair doesn’t look like a troll doll right now.

She’s in the upstairs bedroom and I feel her feelin’ so unwanted it takes all the breath out of my lungs.

Was a time I’d have used somethin’ like that to my advantage. Rub a little salt in the wound, maybe some lemon and acid too, all just so I could get off on feelin’ better then her and pretendin’ my world wasn’t’ crumblin’ around me like it always was.

This wasn’t gonna be one of those times.

“Hey,” I say, as I stand at the door.

“I’m not in the mood, Faith.”

I really wanna make that into a sexual innuendo, but I know I’m walkin’ on really thin ice already, so I don’t.

“Go ahead,” She says. “Dirty that one up, I know you’re just dying to.”

“I’m not here to give you grief, B.”

“Then why are you here? Shouldn’t you be busy leading?”

I shrug, “Left Andy in charge, he’s gettin’ ready to take the girls to the vineyard.”

I think I just saw her have a heart attack.

“Damn, B. Why’re you so gullible?”

“They voted me out.”

“Who the fuck cut your balls off?”

“I’m pretty sure I was born without them, Faith.”

“You mighta been born without them, but you fuckin’ grew a pair the size of the moon.”

“Can we not talk about humongous testicles right now? I’m tired.”

I can see how tired she is, she looks like she hasn’t slept in a few months.

“Mind if I just sit with ya?”

“Do what you want, but I’m not getting into any big heart to hearts.”

Fuck, that stung a little, but I suck it up ‘cause I understand and what do I expect after L.A?

“Not gonna bother you, B. Just wanna…” I stop what I was gonna say.

“Wanna what?”

“Dunno.”

She sighs ‘cause she knows I just pussied out.

“Figures.”

Why the fuck is this shit so hard? Why can’t I just let my feelings out? Besides the times when people fuck me over. I mean, that shit I sing from the fuckin’ rooftop, but when it comes to lovin’ B, I go mute.

Things go quieter than quiet for like five minutes, then I feel her hand on mine. Nothing’s said though. Guess nothin’ needs to be said.

I can tell she’s grateful I came lookin’ for her.

“Did I leave scars?” She asks so quiet, I almost didn’t catch it.

“Scars?”

She points to the spot on her neck where Angel fed from her.

I shift myself on the bed and point to her favorite feedin’ place, “Just there, it’s no big deal. Looks like I got two old school booster shots.”

Her eyes narrow as she looks at the spot, rememberin’ all the times she fed from there, then ate me out. Shit, I’m gonna get myself all worked up if I keep thinkin’ like that.

Then I see her tongue come out to lick her lips, and I have to get up off the bed and walk over to the window.

“What did you come here for, Faith?” The tension’s back in her voice.

“To keep my word, B. Gotta kick this fucker’s ass once and for all.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Thought you didn’t want any heart to hearts?”

She lets out a frustrated sigh.

Why do bother openin’ my mouth? Shit just fuckin’ falls out of it without me thinkin’.

I look out at the night and gather strength from it.

“I came here to see how you were.”

“Why?”

Fuck.

“’Cause I didn’t like them tossin’ you. Thought you’d be feelin’ pretty shitty.”

“Why now?”

“Why what now?”

“Why do you care how I feel now? You didn’t seem to care in L.A.”

I wonder if I jump from here if I can clear the roof.

How could she think I don’t care, even if I acted that way?

I’m about to answer her when somethin’ vibrates. It’s not our connection, it’s comin’ from her pocket. She takes her cell out and looks at the display, then sighs and tosses to me.

Talk about shit timin’.

“Yeah?”

“Faith, I think you need to come home right now. There’s a situation.”

“Is it Wes?”

“Hello, Faith. Happy to hear from your old Watcher?”

“Always. Hey, just sit tight, Wes. I’m comin’ to see ya and we can catch up.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, but do hurry.”

I close the cell and toss it back to Buffy.

“I gotta go.”

Before I do, I walk over to the bed. I lean down and look her in the eye, then give her what I hope’s a meaningful kiss on the mouth.

“Because I love you, that’s why.” I say when I break the kiss.

She’s all wide-eyed and stunned as I pull up the window, slip through it onto the roof and jump down to the lawn below.

I give a glance back up to the window just before I start runnin’ like I’m in the hundred meter, the look on her face gives me that hopeful feelin’ I was goin’ for, and I sprint all the way with the biggest smile on my face.

*****

Smile’s gone when I get back to the house.

“Faith, we’re…”

“G, I don’t have time…”

“You’ve got all the time in the world, Faith.” Wesley comes out from behind the stairs with a shit scared lookin’ Cordelia. “Well,” He smiles and nods his head to the side. “I do. You’ll all be dead in about an hour or so, give or take the couple of you that I’ll keep as pets…”

I take a quick look around the room and I can see Andy holdin’ his hand to his neck. He must’ve been the one to open the door and invite Wes in like a dumbass.

“Looks like you’ve got quite a party goin’ on here, Wes.”

“Isn’t it lovely? And it’s all in your honor.”

“All for me? Nah, I think this is all for you.”

The door open behinds me and I can feel her, she’s a little winded. Must’ve run out after me. Gives me such a fuckin’ boost.

“What’s going on here, Wesley?”

“Ah, Buffy, the real Slayer. Welcome.” Wes says, in that smarmy manner he has. “Now the real party can begin.”

Wes pushes Cordy towards me and grabs Giles. I catch her before she goes face down on the floor.

She looks like she’s been tortured, “…Faith, it was awful…”

“Shh, you’re gonna be ok…Where’s Gunn?”

“He’s…”

My stomach sinks.

“He’s on his way down here, Wesley left him a videotaped message.”

“You want the whole gang down here, huh, Wes?”

“Why not? Everyone likes a rip roarin’ good time, don’t they?”

Cordy’s practically whimperin’, I hope it’s just from bein’ cut and not from some other kinda tear he might have given her.

“You’ll be ok, Cor.” I give her a kiss on the forehead and hand her off to Xander. “Take her to the couch.”

“Got her.”

Wes has a gun held to Giles’ head.

“Don’t worry, Faith. They were only shallow cuts. Remember? Just enough so I wouldn’t go unconcious.”

“Not that it matters to you, but I’m not that person now.”

“Not that that matters either, since you’ll be dead soon. But I’m glad you’ve reformed. I suspect Buffy had a hand in that? Or a tongue…a few fingers perhaps?”

I close my eyes to keep calm.

“Well, I have to say, this is a monumental occasion. Never has any vampire had the opportunity to kill two vampire Slayers, a legendary Watcher and a gaggle of potential Slayers…” He looks around to some of the other people, like Dawn, Anya and Andrew. “…and sundry.”

“Yeah, I’d say it was a fuckin’ coup, but you’re no Fidel. Your ass is goin’ down.”

Buffy’s doin’ the same thing I’m doin’ right now. Scopin’ out some kinda angle to get to him without killin’ Giles in the process.

“Speaking of going down. I smelled you all over Cordelia’s sheets.” He closes his eyes and looks like he smells the best fuckin’ food he’s ever. “Mmmm, that must have been something.”

I look over at Buffy and she doesn’t look pleased, but she’s not givin’ me the evil eyes, so I hope to Christ she doesn’t hold it against me…anymore than she already has.

“Why don’t you shut your fuckin’ stupid mouth, Wesley?”

“Say, here’s a question: Have you spoken to your friend the Mayor lately?”

“Yeah, talked to her last night.” I’m not lettin’ this fucker see that I’m scared, but if he fuckin’ killed Phyllis he’s done for.

“She sends her regards.”

“Great. Anything else you’re dyin’ to tell me?”

“Dying. Excellent word choice. How very apropos.” His face goes serious and he lowers his tone. “She’s dead.”

I hear a gasp come from a couple of people.

I shrug, “Figured as much.”

“Oh, did you now? And why is that? Because everyone you get close to, who tries to help you ends up horribly disfigured, a vampire or dead?”

Buffy starts to slip away.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Wes says. “I find it very rude that you’d leave before the party’s begun, Buffy.”

He cocks the gun and Giles closes his eyes.

“Your Watcher wouldn’t approve. And neither would Giles.”

Suddenly, a fuckin’ Kermit the Frog mug sails in courtesy of Xander and hits Wes in the head. Giles elbows him in the stomach and grabs onto the gun. They’re strugglin’ and Buffy looks at me and nods, I can tell what she’s gonna do. She tackles Giles outta the way and I fly at Wes knockin’ his arm up and grab the gun. I pull his finger on the trigger of the gun, emptyin’ the barrel into the ceilin’. Everyone takes cover.

Wesley kicks me in the shadow nuts and I stagger back. I can’t believe he fuckin’ kicked me in the crotch. Buffy’s up and in front of him, lettin’ him talk a bunch of trash while she waits for him to drop his left. She’s a fuckin’ excellent boxer and I hope she fuckin’ cleans his clock.

Man, you wouldn’t think gettin’ kicked in the crotch would hurt for a girl, but it makes me wanna scream from the outside in. I try and work through the pain, but it really fuckin’ hurts, I don’t think I’ve ever been kicked there and I thank Christ I don’t have balls.

Buffy’s tradin’ blows with Wes and she almost has him worn down when she hears me moan and is distracted for a second.

He blasts her in the face with a right cross and she goes down. Fuckin’ bastard. Giles bumrushes Wes and it gives me the in I’ve been waitin’ for.

Xander throws me some rope and I catch it with one hand and get behind Wes who Giles has pushed up against the banister. I get the rope around his neck and pull him back towards the bars and hold him there while they get the spell ready.

He cries out in pain and I wanna pull harder just for punchin’ B in the face like that, but I give the rope slack so I can move up the steps a little, givin’ Willow a clear shot to do her thing.

“Don’t fuck this up, Willow. No one needs me losin’ my soul.” I say.

“Shh, Faith. Let her concentrate.” Buffy says, holdin’ a hand to her cheek. Fuckin’ Wes. I pull the rope just a little tighter and grin when he grunts in pain.

Man, it’s a fuckin’ sight to see in this room right now: There’s some weird chantin’ goin’ on, some mist and a fuckin’ hell of a light show. Then a bright light in a ball comes down and hover’s over Wes’ chest before blastin’ through through it. Mother fuckin’ light shoots from his eyes and mouth as he looks up towards the ceilin’ all stretched out like Jesus.

It’s in-fuckin’-tense.

And then it’s done.

I let go of the rope and Wes drops to the floor on his hands and knees. He’s fuckin’ bawlin’ like someone who’s just been told their whole family’s been killed and it was their fault.

Buffy kneels down and whispers somethin’ to him, then gathers him in her arms and sits there, listenin’ to his pain. I look around and see that the place has been emptied out, ‘cept for the Scoobs.

Anya and Xander are tendin’ to Cordelia, and Squirt’s huggin’ Giles.

I go over to check on Cordelia, and kneel down beside her on the couch.

“I knew you’d be the one to do it, Faith.”

“I had help, Cor.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Let her help you. It always turns out better.”

I give her a smile and a kiss to the cheek and get up.

I don’t know why, but I feel like I need to go sit somewhere by myself. I climb the stairs and shut myself in her room.

*****

Buffy opens the door and I get up off her bed, kinda like I’m a dog that was caught on the furniture.

Damn, the look on her face is…I almost don’t believe she’s got a soul. I get ready for a fight, ‘cause she’s got it written all over her.

She stalks over and gets right up in my space, usin’ her presence she backs me up into the wall. My heart is poundin’ hard ‘cause I’m gettin’ fuckin’ turned on here and scared at the same time.

“Did you mean it?”

I look at her, hopin’ my fuckin’ mouth works and nothin’ stupid comes out.

“Can’t you see it in my face?”

She looks at me like she’s tryin’ to see through my skull, then leans in closer.

“Am I out of line here?” She asks.

“Never, B.”

We kiss and it’s so fuckin’ hot and intense I think my brain might explode. Soon, she’s pullin’ my shirt outta my pants and undoin’ the buckle. I know I should stop her ‘cause there’s so much to say, but I just can’t do that to myself.

Doesn’t look like she wants to do that to herself either. She stops workin’ on my pants and pulls back from our kiss to pull her own shirt off. I reach in front of her to unhook her bra. When it’s off, I immediately bend down and take one of her nipples in my mouth. She gasps and threads her fingers through my hair, pullin’ me closer to her. I can feel her kissin’ the top of my head. She’s moanin’ in between kisses.

She starts walkin’ backwards towards the bed and I let her lead me there, but I don’t let go of her nipple. It tastes so fuckin’ good and the sounds comin’ from her tell me she’s needed this for a long ass time.

Her legs hit the bed and she brings me down with her.

“Faith, oh god, Faith!”

I bring my head up to look at her and capture her mouth in another hungry kiss. When we break for air she kisses my face and anything else she can reach.

“I’ve missed you so much, I can’t even believe…”

“I’m here now, baby, not goin’ anywhere.” I say, as I kiss my way down her body to take off the rest of her clothes.

After I get her shoes and socks off, I move to her pants. She quickly lifts her hips for me to take ‘em off and I make sure her panties come with ‘em. They end up somewhere behind me on the floor, but I really don’t fuckin’ care if they ended up on Giles’ face. She’s open and ready for me and I’ve been waitin’ for this for fuckin’ ever it seems.

“Jesus Christ, B.” I breathe out. She smells so good.

“Take your clothes off, Faith.”

I stand up and do as she says. But I’m not sure how I’m doin’ it, since she’s got her hand on her pussy and lightly strokin’ her outer lips while she watches. One of my boots gives me a problem and I get so pissed off at it that when I finally yank it clear, I throw it. I don’t even know where it went, but Buffy starts gigglin’.

“What?”

“I hope no one was standing on the lawn. They probably just got the fright of their life.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

She smirks and whispers, “Fuck me.”

’Bout to, girl. You just fuckin’ hold onto your hair. I must look like the Wolf eyein’ Little Red Riding Hood.

I slide up on the end of the bed and walk slowly towards her on my knees. When I get to her legs I stop, she’s got ‘em bent and ready for me to dive right in. I put my hands on her knees and hold her legs open so I can slide myself in between ‘em.

She groans and my heart gets all fucked up as I slide my pussy against hers.

“Fuck, oh, fuck…Faith! That feels…” After a few thrusts of my pelvis into hers, I lean forward holdin’ myself up with my hands on either side of her head.

My hair falls around us as I look into her eyes and start a slow, grindin’ rhythm, takin’ her breath away.

“I love you.” She gasps and I lower my head, sharin’ a deep and needy kiss. My mouth opens to let her tongue in and she’s fuckin’ me with it in time to my thrusts into her pussy. If there was ever any time that I wanted to grow a cock, just for a few minutes, it would be this one. But my fingers’ll have to do, and I don’t think she’s ever complained.

This night, it’s just gonna be me and her, nothin’ else’s gonna fuckin’ matter, and if anyone comes knockin’ on that door they’re dead.

I snake my hand down between us and slip my fingers through her wetness. She groans into my mouth and I groan right back into hers. It just feels so fuckin’ good. Like I haven’t had sex in over a year. Guess it just wasn’t with the right person.

Fuck, I feel like such a shit. I pull my head up and stop my fingers from what they were just doin’.

She can feel something’s not right and opens her eyes to look into mine. I can see she’s searchin’ for what’s wrong.

“It’s just you and me here, Faith. No one else. Be with me…”

I love when she says that.

I give her a kiss and she gasps into my mouth when I push two fingers into her and thrust my hips behind it. Each time I push forward, I rub her G spot and her breath hitches in her chest. The noises comin’ from Buffy tell me she feels this everywhere possible.

Her moans are makin’ me thrust faster and by the time she comes, we’re both fuckin’ yellin’ and screamin’. It was like lightnin’ shot out from the light fixture and zapped both of us with a bolt of “full body orgasm”.

I take my fingers out of her pussy to hold onto her, ‘cause it feels like we’re gonna fall off this bed. My pussy’s still spasmin’ and I’m grindin’ on hers makin’ her moan all breathy.

Fuck, it sounds so good to hear her breathe. I can’t even fuckin’ imagine that I would be sayin’ somethin’ like that, but it’s true.

Finally, we both come down from the high of that monster orgasm. She smiles and gets all giggly. Kinda like she’s on some high grade coke/h cocktail. Not that I know what that’s like or nothin’.

“Faith, holy crap, are we still alive?” She finally asks.

“Don’t know, and don’t care, B. As long as we’re together, I don’t mind bein’ dead.”

She’s still tryin’ to get control of her breathin’, “Not-not that it doesn’t sound wonderful or anything…but I kinda want to beat the First…first.”

I laugh and plant kisses all over her face.

“Mmmm, tiny kisses, I love them.”

“I…love…you…Buffy.” I say sincerely, still kissin’ her face.

“I’m so glad you’re back…I missed you so much, F.”

Damn, that makes me wanna cry.

We kiss for what seems like hours and finally she gently pushes me away. Before I have a chance to stop her, I’m flipped and laid flat on my back.

“It’s been a while, Faithy.” Oh fuck, my pussy just throbbed at that. Fuckin’ Vamp B talk makes me fuckin’ hot!

She keeps goin’ with her voice on “sexy bitch” mode, “I’m hungry. You know what I want, don’t you?”

“A sandwich?”

I almost got her to crack and laugh, but she keeps control of herself nicely.

“No, a taste. Are you gonna be a good girl and give me a taste?”

“Oh fuck, B. Just take it…take all of it…fuck…”

She slides herself down my body until her head is between my legs. No teasin’, she just dives right in and my head fuckin’ feels like it’s a balloon about to pop.

I’m not sure what the fuck I’m sayin’ as she’s workin’ my clit and shovin’ three fingers in and out of me, twistin’ ‘em around and hittin’ my spot just right. She has my legs practically bent back to the mattress and I’m glad that I’m fuckin’ bendable or I’d be in traction after I came. I look down at her and she looks like she’s a starvin’ person just let loose at a buffett.

That blows my mind and it shoots right down to my clit which she’s currently suckin’ on. When she bites on it a little, my legs shoot up and capture her head between my thighs makin’ sure her head stays right where it is. I let out a fuckin’ moan that comes from the depths of my soul, and I think I hear dogs barkin’ in the distance when I’m done.

She’s holdin’ on to my body like it’s a life raft bobbin’ in the fuckin’ waves from “The Perfect Storm”.

I’m not sure how long I was out when I finally open my eyes she’s smilin’ down at me.

“Nice to have you back.”

I laugh at that.

“Christ Buffy, that’s a fuckin’ awesome way to die.”

Her face goes serious, but her eyes show she’s playin’.

“No, no dying. Here at ‘Team Buffy’ we give the soulless their souls back and new life to those who were dead.”

That makes me think of what I wanted to ask her earlier.

“That was supposed to be funny, Faith. You’re going quiet on some of my best work.” She pouts.

I smile at her, “It was grade A quality ‘Buffy quippage’ or whatever you call it…but I…”

“What?”

I run my hand along the leg that’s draped over my stomach, “So warm…and alive…”

“It was you…”

I feel my face go all “scrunchy”, ‘cause I don’t understand what the fuck she means.

“Your blood, Faith, it gave me my life back.”

Somebody says what?

“How?”

“I don’t really know. Giles tried to explain it, but what it comes down to is this: I drank your blood for a good month and when Will did the spell to bring my soul back, it gave me my humanity back too.”

Holy shit, this is a lot to take in.

“I know, I’m still trying to figure it all out. Bottom line is: even though I was a vampire, you were willing to risk your life for mine. I owe you everything.”

“No, B. You don’t owe me shit, baby. I owe you a lot more than that. This is all because of you, all for you.”

“That’s sweet,” We share another kiss. “I love when you call me that.” She says a little out of breath.

I smile at her, “I love bein’ able to say it.”

She leans in and gives me another kiss and I can feel the love pourin’ into me from her soul. Fuck, I’m in fuckin’ heaven.

Later, when we’re done tryin’ to kill each other with sex, we settle down into a happy heap and whisper what we’ve been wantin’ to say to each other for what feels like forever.

“What are we gonna do now, Buffy?”

“Sleep, stop Wes from trying to kill himself, kick some First ass, and then find the closest spot out of earshot of the gang to relieve the hungries and hornies.”

Sounds like a fuckin’ plan.

“Shit,” I say and start to get out of bed. “I need to call Phyllis.”

“I did that when I was downstairs. I forgot to tell you.”

“Did you tell her we might need some backup?”

“She said she’ll have a bunch of her people on standby.”

“Fuckin’ Wes tryin’ to fake me out.”

“He sucks.”

“Apropos choice of words there, B.” I laugh and she tries to tickle me into peein’ the bed or somethin’, ‘cause she’s merciless. “Water…sports…turn you…on…don’t they?” I manage to get out.

“Everything turns me on with you.”

Halle-fuckin’-lujah

*****

“We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.”

Fuckin’ brat.

Xander says somethin’ about the Gap and Starbucks, but I’m not listenin’, I’m just starin’ at the back of Buffy’s head. I can tell she’s thinkin’ about everything that just happened and everything that she’s ever done in her life that led her to this moment. I can also tell that she’s got a great big smile on her face, and it fills me with pride to know that I played a part in puttin’ it there.

When Dawn asks Buffy the same question I asked her last night, she turns around without a word and holds her hand out to me. I take it and we walk back to the bus with everyone else eventually followin’ behind.

I know that ever lastin’ life is what most people wish they could have. But it’s the love of someone who makes you a better person just by bein’ with them that makes it all worthwhile. Somebody who makes you happy with the smallest smile, and your heart beat out of your chest when they say they love you…that’s what the whole world’s after.

Hey look at that: guess I did make somethin’ of myself after all.

The End